Why do some men never come out in life but still mess around in secert?

Society pressure, conformity are possible candidate to answer this question?...

 

A couple of things. If they get married and have kids, they often pass, even if they trip gaydar for some, and some married men do trip gay and straight people's gaydar. If they don't marry and fly solo, they don't pass, especially after a magical number like 35 or probably 40, regardless of how masculine they are.

So, back to your question, it's impossible to know the numbers. The reasons could be:
(a) generational and the value system and experiences that go with that, (b) they want the advantages and stability of a traditional family life, for religious or societal purposes, (c) they are more MSM types and aren't in a relationship with a particular guy, for which they'd have to fight for a cause, for lack of a better word, and (d) they don't care for many aspects of the gay lifestyle and its stereotypes, among others.

 

^ I agree, so sad.

 

It could have to do with surroundings, like homophobia, that kind of stuff. Or, it may be their decision not to come out in public.

 

I read the whole post and it is full of good points. Aside from rejection and not being able to readily build up a new base of friends or support system, one reason some don't or won't come out is because they fear losing their jobs or having their lives made miserable at work. With 8 hours at work and 8 hours asleep, this is typically the largest productive chunk of one's life. The whole situation is so loaded, even in 2013. They can find a reason to dismiss someone that doesn't have to do with their orientation. Or they can make life so unbearable that you'll quit. A person can definitely document, fight, and hopefully win a case when this happens. However, no one knows the likelihood of a desired outcome for the plaintiff, but if they did, then sure, come out, get the settlement, and hang your hat on the Florida Keys, or another place of one's choosing.

Some people don't come out because they're not really championing anyone and because, again, it's a numbers game. They know what they're sort of looking for, and it wouldn't be the type they ogle in magazines and on the silver screen, but someone more practically suited to them. A lot of people in the GLBT community hit an "eject button" of sorts when a suitable person comes along. And it could be just 1 out of the 2 who hits that "eject button." Coming out to the tune of 100% without a partner can imply "ok, this is my sexuality, take it or leave it, and, partnered or not, I'm going to burn off some calories between the sheets given the opportunity, and in a manner you might not find acceptable," and not everyone is worthy of that explanation, for lack of a better word.

Some people sort of circumvented this whole conundrum honestly, though not totally openly. They went off to college or entered the workforce, before social media and dating sites, and sort of stumbled into someone who was sort of compatible for them, they sensed their sexual proclivities were in the same ball park, they hooked up, and ducked out of the mainstream of the gay scene, preferring to keep company with a select few straights and GLBTs. They are usually low-key people and that's how they choose to run their living arrangements. Even with SSM, some couples may not even take up the new legislation. And their relatives and neighbors know the score, too.

I think someone's job and whether or not there's someone in your life are also reasons people don't come out to the tune of 100%. And, in the meantime, they're going to "love the one they're with."

 

This is gold. I have nothing more to add. :3

 

Not wanting to accept it, fear of others reactions, etc.