So my brother is getting married in the spring, and i couldn't be happier for him. However, my brother and i have never been very close and i am not out to him(although i think my parents may have told him). We aren't hostile to each other we just have completely different interests, and over the last couple years he has always made attempts to hang out with me or he always invites me to go hunting or fishing with him.. I have always declined because i have really no interest in that, he does always make the effort to include me though. Another reason i never want to go with him is most of his friends are very conservative and homophobic and i really dont want to be around them. So my brother and his friends are planning a bachelor party in the spring, its going to be a weekend fishing trip where im sure they will be in strip clubs both nights. He has invited me and wants me to come with so i get to know his friends better. I don't want to say i don't want to come and continue to ignore his attempts at bonding and getting to be closer as brothers. However, i really don't want to spend an entire weekend with a group of extremely homophobic guys who plan an getting drunk and going to strip clubs either. Has anybody been in a situation like this? What did you do? Would you find a reason so you can't go or just suck it up for the weekend and put on you pretend "straight" face? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!!!
Hmmm that's a hard one, if I were you for your brothers sake, I would just try and put up with it for him. It could turn out that you like them, might be you don't. And for the "Straight" I would say just act it. Like really stare at woman etc....
Sounds like a difficult situation. How about coming out to your brother? That way, you can tell him that you don't feel comfortable hanging out with his homophobic friends and maybe you could ask if he minds doing something separate with you - your treat.
The whole thing is degrading to both the women who are stripping and to his intended wife. It's a disgusting charade of female objectification, and you should tell him that. Regardless of your sexuality, he doesn't seem to have any respect for women, least of all his fiancé. If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. And you don't sound comfortable with it. A summary of what you're doing: Going to degrade women, kill brain cells, do nothing productive, and all with a brother you're not close to and his friends you don't like and would hate you. Doesn't sound in any way appropriate.
In regards to this: just because his brother is likely going to a strip club on his bachelor party doesn't mean he doesn't have respect for woman. That is a pretty disrespectful accusation. To the op: I am not close to my brother for the same reasons: different interests, different personalities. Nevertheless, I would still support him on his bachelor party. Your brother wants to include you for an important event in his life, I would suck it up for one weekend and go. You are going to encounter homophobic people all your life, you are going to have stomach it a little bit. And the event goes beyond just an occasion to see naked girls, it is about celebrating his marriage with the important male figures in his life.
Actually, I think the hostile one is you for constantly rejecting him in the past when it comes to hunting/fishing. It's one thing to say you have different interests, but if you keep rejecting him, it's bound to hurt his feelings. He wants you to be a part of his life, and there comes a time when you must decide if you will do something just to be nice for someone rather than for your own satisfaction. If you have clear reasons like ethically being against hunting or awkwardness at going to a strip club because you're gay, he will (or should) understand. So, if you want to not go, you should just come out to your brother. Don't lie and just say you're "not interested." For him, a bachelor party is a significant event that is only shared with those he considers his friends. You can't change your family, and he will remember your decision years from now.
I'm inclined to agree with this suggestion. Though I can sympathise with Aussie's sentiment, the main consideration here is the celebration for your brother, which is only for a weekend. You'll probably be uncomfortable, and yes the objectification of people is not cool, but I think this is one of those big events that will stay in your brother's memories. This is relationship-building stuff right here. I think it is important that you do open up to your brother though and let him know that although it's not something you're particularly looking forward to (and you might want to mention it's because you're gay - up to you), that you want to be there for him. He's made the effort to be closer to you, and I think it would be remiss to not give something back.
My sister is getting married next summer and her fiancé asked me to be a groomsmen. I was also invited to his bachelor party. Now, reasons why it wouldn't work. He and his friends are 26-27 years old and I'm 17. They are all Jewish and I'm Catholic (not that religion is important, but it's just another awkward divide). I'm gay and none of them know that and they are all very incredibly masculine and straight. He is very into cars and sports and whatnot and me....not so much. They drink, I don't (because I'm 17 and I find no pleasure in it). For their bachelor party, they were planning to have a roadtrip to a NASCAR race. So naturally, when I found out, I thought it would be horribly awkward. But nonetheless, I was determined to stick it out. However, I also found out that it would be the same week of AP testing, so I wouldn't be able to go. I was just going to try and stick it out because I thought it was incredibly generous of him to ask me to be a groomsmen and be invited to his bachelor party. So like a lot of people have suggested, going would be a great bonding experience and coming out might be a good idea (I plan on coming out to my sister and her fiancé sometime before next summer).
This sounds very familiar. My sister is getting married in about 2 years, and I'm a groomsman. She told me that I was invited to her fiancé's bachelor party, which would involve going to a strip club. I honestly don't know if I'll be out by then, but in the case I'm not, I'll probably suck it up and act like I'm excited. On another note, even if you're not interested in fishing, hunting, ect (which is really fun, in case you were wondering) I would go. Your older brother is trying his best to reach out and hang out with you, even if it's not your desired activity, and you gotta meet him halfway. I don't think it could be too bad, and your brother only gets married once. Hope I helped a little
I was in a similar situation debating whether to go to the bachelor party for one of my brothers and ended up not going. My reasoning was that I live 300 miles away and don't go back home (in WI coincidentally) very often and since I'd be going back for the wedding I didn't want to make the trip two times within a few weeks time span. I get the feeling that he was and maybe still is a bit pissed at me for that. We had drifted apart for many years already due to the distance, probably due to me being gay and never coming out, and who knows what all. I would probably do the same thing again, but that doesn't mean it's right for you. I made the best choice for me at the time and the wedding should be more important to him which I attended. I'll never get married so he can also not attend my non-existent bachelor party so there's that and we should be even.
