What's up everyone. I am new to the site, and not sure if this is the most appropriate place to write this, but the past week I have been brave, so Ill give it a shot. I am twenty two years old, and I just came out and told my mother, step father, and sisters I was gay, along with some close friends. I have known I was gay all my life. I tried to be with girls, but it was like kissing a camel (AWKWARD) I still have most of my family to come out to, but I have a questions I hope you guys can help me with. What do I do now? Is this normal to feel this way? I took such a huge step in coming out (feels awesome) and now i feel like I am stuck. There are times when I feel like my siblings do not believe me, or they think this is a phase. What do you do after you come out? I feel like I should walk into Thanksgiving next weekend and introduce my boyfriend. I am so lost. I feel like I am trapped. I have a support group involving my close friends, but I am embarrassed to talk to my family about this. They say they love me, and support me, but I don't feel they "get it" Yesterday my mom tell me this, "Hey, this would be a good time to tell your grandmother." I asked her, "Tell her what?" Her response really hurt me. She said, "You know, what you told us." I'm gay mom. Why can't she say it? I don't know maybe this is just over thinking it. I know my family loves me, but I still feel like I have to prove to them I am gay. I think something should come after coming out. Did any of you feel different after you came out? I feel amazing. I am so free, but i still long for something. I feel like I have not came out. What comes next? Text me, write me, somebody help!
I think parents go through some stages of grief (like denial, anger, etc.) because they feel like they have "lost their child." Although I find it rather silly, especially in the beginning, it does overtime become less awkward. You just have to assure her, and your siblings, you are in fact gay and eventually it will just be the norm. Granted I don't know you personally or your situation but I went through something similar and just assuring, but not pushing it in their face, those you've told can help a lot.
Thanks for the comment. Yeah, I guess I am still accepting it myself. I don't know why, because I know I am gay. I want to be gay, I get more gay everyday. It is just weird when you hold something in for so many years, when you say it. It seems like you didn't. I was expecting fireworks, and all I got was, "I love you, and I want you to be happy." It does feel great to be myself when I am around my friends. I don't want to throw it in their face, but I want to be able to talk about it with my family. Thanks for your reply.
Welcome to EC and congrats on coming out! I had something similar when I told my parents and sister. It was so liberating for me but shocking to them. I'm still struggling with this a bit myself but what I tell myself is that I have their love just not their understanding, and as long as they love me I can wait on the understanding. Don't force the issue but don't let them try and sweep it under the rug either. Hope this helps!
I had these exact feelings over the summer with my parents, they said they love me, nothings changed, im the same Jack etc. But they dodged the subject constantly, being gay took on the same awkwardness as talking about sex, and i ended up moving to my flat again cos it annoyed me. Then i had a long drunk conversation with my mum telling her how i felt about it all, and what i wanted from her and how i wanted to have a more open relationship with her. This led on to a conversation with her telling me her fears, HIV, being attacked for being gay etc, and how she felt i had to sort out other parts of my life for this to fall into place. So now, 4 months after i came out to her, it has become normal, i spoke to her about guys briefly the other day too, its a time thing. My friends now accept that im gay, despite trying to "cure me" and telling me i was confused to begin with. Basically it is going to be confusing for you all, but the best way to deal with it is to be open and honest, dont let it get burried. It is hard but it will come with time. Dont see coming out as the end of the process, rather the start of a new chapter. You can now start learning to live as a gay guy Just a wee aside, i think you are only really finished coming out when it no longer matters, like ill just mention it in passing now and not notice, its just what it is
What to do? I dunno, if you find an answer tell me XD Nah, in all seriousness, nothing really changes, you're just being honest with yourself. That and you can finally kiss a guy in front of your family without having to worry to keep it a secret
I think this is a naive way of looking at things, in my experience anyway. You go through alot of emotional turmoil, you bring yourself to the point where you come out, have that euphoric feeling, then its just a massive anti-climax. You said 2 words, it is a big deal but it doesnt change anything. I went into it expecting my life to dramatically change over night, i dont really know how or why, but it really isnt the case. If anything after coming out was worse than just before. Nobody knows if youve been showing the real you, you yourself might not be comfortable or know who you are, i certainly didnt. In time things do change dramatically, im a very different person, with a different outlook and much closer to the people in my life now. Remember the fundamental fact of being in the closet isnt just not telling people you're gay/bi or whatever, its hiding who you are, and you can do this to the point that you yourself dont know what you value in life, what you want, what you enjoy. Its a learning process. Even to the point of relationships, personally i hadnt been in a relationship, how do i act towards gay guys now? How do i get a boyfriend, all these questions and new issues come up. Its just a case of giving it time, its been 4 months for me and im still learning. As with anything in life, you dont know how to react until you look back in hindsight.
Thanks. I'm glad I found this site. I don't think finding a boyfriend is going to be anytime soon for me. I have never touched a guy, so I would have to have like "How to be Gay" classes. lol Thanks for all of your advice.
Well, this is a great place for your "gayducation"...to be honest, no one in your entourage will take it that seriously until you bring home a carbon-based humanoid life-form that you will call "boyfriend". But no worries: it's time to at least start looking gay (all tongue-in-cheek, so to speak): Earrings are a good start, do you have any? With the nippy weather, scarves are the way to go (even if not so nippy). Skinny jeans? Well of course! Tight-fitting shirts, essential to emphasize your, um, assets. At the end of it all, there's a certificate... (and congratulations on being brave, no other virtue is more important!)
LMAO. I think I will have to pass on this certificate. You lost me at skinny jeans. I really don't think the man parts would allow me to wear skinny jeans. lol
You could try getting involved in gay pride activities in your town. Is there a pride parade? Maybe you could march with a group. You could be involved with the GSA in your school. If there isn't one maybe you could start one. If there is a teacher that would be the faculty advisor for the club that would help.
