For those of you in the closet...

Well, I'm no longer in the closet, but I thought I might contribute.

For me, when I was in the closet, it wasn't a fear of losing my friends or getting physically assaulted. I was afraid of how my parents would react, I truly had no idea how they'd react. I still to this day do not tell them things because they've said some homophobic stuff in the past. They haven't said anything as of late, then again, it's probably because I'm out. They may not have reacted negatively, but there was a reason I was scared to tell them

 

Worrying about calling someone out on transphobia for fear of them questioning it...same goes for homophobia I guess

 

Living without knowing what it is to love wholeheartedly...

 

trust issues. not being able to express how you feel about damn near anything. but being out of the closet doesn't help this so... I don't know where I'm going with this lol

 

I'm not out to half my family, so I'm 100% sure I'm going to get asked that dreaded question a week from today at Thanksgiving.

"Have you found a girlfriend yet?"

 

Trying to find the door so I can get out of the closet.

 

For me it was my suicidal tendencies

 

Having to lie about my life. There are still some people left that do not know and when they ask me about who I'm dating or if I have a "girlfriend" I have to lie. I hate it, but I'm not ready to tell them.

 

Wondering if your friends would think poorly of you if they knew.

 

I didn't want to lie so there were great gaps in conversations with my parents when they asked me what I was doing with my time. Telling them I was an officer in the GSA was not an option.

 

Having to think about what you say really carefully. It's just so much effort that could be better used. I'm far more open now than I've ever been but there's still times where I'll leave out the vital information. I worry about it becoming an issue otherwise. If I say that I've been out with Sarah - no issue. If I say I've been out with my girlfriend suddenly everyone's thinking of that.

 

+1

energy spent to cover it up is definitely the worst part!

 

Caution. Never-ending caution. Watching what I said, how I interacted, how I behaved, even how I moved. The irony of it is that now that I'm out to a few people, and I'm NOT being very cautious anymore, around them or anyone else--and lo and behold, no one has shunned me, no one has made any kind of comment, and no one has started avoiding me. I was tightly wound and cautious about everything for decades, and I could have just behaved like me.

 

Fear, lying to those around me and the fact that I'll inevitably whack my head on the frame of the closet when I make my way out.

 

Guilt. I feel like I'm betraying my friends and family. My fear isn't being rejected, my fear is that inside the closet is Schrödinger's cat. My sexuality is unknown to me so, for all intents and purposes, my sexuality is best thought of as every possibility simultaneously, hence the reference to the infamous boxed feline. I'm worried that if I come out too early the cat will be dead, or rather my sexuality will solidify as something it isn't. For example, say I come out as bi but I was actually gay (but this was unknown to me). I'd waste my life persuing a gender I never felt comfortable with.