When you find the right person it'll be easy to talk to them won't it? If you are really interested in them you will naturally talk to them without effort. You feel shy and don't know what to say but is that just an indication that this person isn't right for you? When you find someone with the same interests as you, you can easily talk to them, I've been able to talk to people easily that I shared interests with, I didn't have to put in any effort at all. But when people aren't interesting, a lot of the girls I see do not interest me when they are talking and many people my age, I am shy and don't have a clue what to say, if I do say something it is short and blunt, nothing that will start a conversation. One of my friends had just split up with his girlfriend, I knew it would happen, I could detect that he didn't really love her, he was just using her for sex. His conversations were boring and he had to put in effort to see her, rather than actually feeling inclined to see her. The way he said "I love you babe" didn't seem genuine. It's easy for people pretend that they love their spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend, I see it everywhere, people say they are in a relationship but they don't look like they love each other, they just become companions. I naturally get on better with men. I don't know why but girls are hard to talk to, they are really hard to start a decent conversation with. I usually don't see women alone, it's just when I am out with friends and the conversation I am always quiet. I know the girls don't like it when I am quiet. I think my body is trying to give me a message when I am not supposed to be with someone. Usually when someone is right for you, you can talk to them with ease and you start to get to know each other, when they are not right you will not know what to say and the conversation will be awkward. If you are in danger you might feel scared, it is a natural instinct to when their is danger. Maybe being shy and not knowing what to say is an indication that the person probably isn't right for you. I think it is easy for people to fake that they love each other just like they can fake that they like their job when really all they care about is money. Apparently less than 5% follow their passions in life, so I know how good people are pretending they like something or someone when they don't.
Hmm. This hasn't really been my experience. I've hit it off right away with some people but got bored of our chatty conversations after a while. And I've struggled to talk to people who started out as acquaintances but the conversations came easier once we became close friends.
I agree with rainbowvomitor. Sometimes you get the wrong impression from initial chemistry. I spent the night with a guy, we sat up all night talking, laughing, making out, telling stories and just sharing everything we had. It was a beautiful, good moment. And yet, absolutely none of that survived the night. He was hard to talk to after that, made no effort to hang out with me, and proved to be 100% not my type. So don't rely on first chemistry to be your main indicator of compatibility. Consider that some people are really good at talking to strangers. Others are not. Are either of these alternatives necessarily therefore more or less boyfriend material? Chemistry just gets the fire started. Compatibility is sustainability.
It may appear that you have nothing in common at first but usually when you get to talking more you will find that you have something in common.
Yes, and no. Really it all depends on the person. I dunno it's been my experience at least that some of the most interesting people I consider as friends currently weren't easy to talk to at first. Cause I didn't know as much about them and had less readily available subjects to bring up with them. But for me how much of a continued effort I made was always determined by how much a particular person stood out as someone I really wanted to know better in the first place. And yeah if they are compatible then you arent even thinking about that when you talk to them, you just enjoy it and do it as much as possible cause you want to. The more you learn about each other the easier it gets but it's not like that for everyone. Personally I just got lucky..
I'd also say yes and no on this. With most interactions, you usually need to make some sort of effort, even if it's just the initial "hi". I'd say it's usually good to make a conscious effort to talk to someone, even if the conversation is less-than-stellar. You may learn some stuff about them that you wouldn't have known after talking to them for just a few minutes. Even if the conversation drops off, you may still end up talking to them days/weeks/months later and end up hitting it off. I've had people I've said a few words to on more than one occasion but didn't become friends with until months later. However, I do think it's bad to try and force conversation when you know it isn't going anywhere. This can lead to frustration on both sides. I've seen people do this with people they wanted to date; they would keep talking even if they didn't have anything to say and ended up making it really awkward for them and the other person! While I think people should always give interactions a chance, don't be afraid to let it go, or even just leave it alone until another opportunity presents itself. If you're shy, you don't have to force it, but I think just trying to be open if the other person continues to try and talk is a good habit. Either way you may be surprised.
My thoughts: - right persons, regardless of the type of rapport, are easy to talk to from the start - right persons, regardless of the type of rapport, should become easy to talk to within a short enough period of time - wrong persons, regardless of the type of rapport, never become easy to talk to If I see that I'm getting nowhere, and I've gotten more confident over the years, then I get out of their way very quickly. I don't want to waste my time nor stroke them and their egos.
I would like to say that as an introvert, it can be hard for me to talk to strangers, especially guys I like. So, I appreciate it when the other person initiates the conversation.
