Choosing to forgive ... or not to

I'd say it's best to forgive. Forgetfulness would be difficult to achieve, so all people really do is become ignorant of when they "forget" one's transgressions. Of course, it may be useful to save forgiveness till the problem has been resolved, as hatred and resentment can be very productive...

 

I could write a response as long as the dictionary to that question.

 

I really try to forgive whenever possible. There is the saying "Holding on to Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"-Buddha.

Somethings are harder to forgive than others but I think it is important to forgive if it only to give us a person peace of mind.

 

My personal thing for that is "Always forgive, never forget." I believe forgiving someone who wronged you makes you a stronger person, but you must not forget what they did.

 

Choosing not to forgive leads to bitterness. Bitterness will eat you up from the inside out. I'm not saying that it's easy. I'm just saying forgiveness is better for you in the long run. Short of having Alzheimer's I don't know how you forget. Ever hear the saying; "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me." That's how I feel about forgetting.

 

Forgiving doesn't mean forming or reforming a relationship. It means either forgiving the person in person or forgiving them in your heart, but never talking to them again.

 

It really depends on the situation. For example, one of my best friends has essentially picked her boyfriend over keeping our friend at the top peak. I've learned to move on and forgive and I have learned that we will fix it someday. It will be okay.

However, the girl that tried to attack me and who verbally harassed me freshman year? Yeah...not really forgiving here. More like moving on. She made her bed and is now going to go...sleep in those dirty sheets.

 

If I feel like I've been wronged to the extent you described, there won't be any forgiveness.

If it's only a friend, I'll send them an e-mail, detailing how disappointed I am in them, and then I'd be done.
If it's a family member on the other hand (and what they did was REALLY bad) I'd never speak to them again.

Luckily, I'm in a position where that will probably never happen.

 

I can forgive, but I have a very hard time trying to forget. I'm one of those people who replay the whole thing over and over in my head again, even if I don't want to, small things remind me of people who haven't been so kind to me, or betrayed my trust.

 

Forgiveness is not always about whether someone regrets their actions or has changed. I'm not too sure that 'forgiving' someone who deeply regrets their actions is forgiveness at all. Its just saying "thats alright, you didn't mean to" or whatever. Whereas forgiveness is given to those who don't deserve it, because they're the ones who actually need it.

Another thing. Forgiveness is not necessarily seeing someone again, trusting them, allowing them in your life or anything. And its certainly not forgetting. Its releasing your anger and hatred towards them.

 

That is what I am saying. Forgiving does not mean reforming a relationship or even trusting that person again. It is about releasing anger, because anger will turn into spite and even hate if it is held on for long enough.

 

I can never forget and forgiving is a lot of effort for me. If someone does something really bad to me then I tell myself that they dont deserve forgiving since they had that nasty mindset in the first place. I wish I could forgive easier though, I would be a lot less angry and more relaxed.

 

I'm not sure that I can forgive some of the things that have happened to me. Being raped, I feel an indifference towards. I feel like I should feel pain and be hurting, but I'm not, and that is, (sigh) well, the best word I can describe it with is eerie.

Every time I see my dad, he reopens the wounds. He justified his being cut out of my life a little more today, as condescending and verbally abusive and domineering he is.

 

i don't forgive or forget. it's probably not healthy to hold as many grudges as i do, but it's always how i've been

 

A former best friend basically begged forgiveness last summer, for things that happened 3 years ago. I used to wish we had parted more civilly so there's at least some memories to savor. After so much time passed and i moved away to begin a new life, i realized though how little we had in common anymore and our distance was for the best.

Apologies don't undo what we've been put thru, but if you find a way to live happily without that person, you've got your revenge. No need to keep holding on to to bitterness.