So, my fiancee and I were having a conversation regarding a conversation I had with my best friend. My best friend said that its not good to be soooo attached to your boyfriend, girlfriend S.O. That is not normal. I admit my fiancee and I are close, but can you really be too close to that person, especially after years of a relationship? Are we emotional dependent on each other? yes....but is that a bad thing? We don't spend every moment together, I still hang with my friends and she hangs with hers...but I do talk about her a lot and I miss her when I'm not with her. I told text her or contact her in some way multiple times through out the day, and she does the same to me. We call each other on our lunch breaks when possible. So my fiancee told me that she heard that when a couple is too close, they eventually break up when something happens, so it does worry her. Then again I dont think there is anything we haven't been through, with the exception of a baby. At what point is it unhealthy? I myself feel that there is no way you can be too attached to your spouse.
There can definitely be a point of unhealthy attachment. Codependence is the first thing that comes to mind and is bad news in a relationship. That being said, nothing you have said here makes me think that you are in a codependent relationship. I do think that there can be some burnout in relationships where one or more parties don't get enough space. (I know that if I didn't have at least some time to myself, I would wind up snapping at my partner even if she didn't even really do anything.) Everyone just has to keep in mind their own needs for togetherness and space and time alone. If all parties needs are being met and they are capable of being functional people without their significant other(s) there then I don't see a problem!
I thought codependency was when one person is making it work and the other isnt and that one person is dependent on making it work?
Yeah, that can be, but I think it's more like one person is the 'helper' and the helper is continuously rescuing the other person and keeping their life afloat even though the problems the person is having are really just being reinforced as okay and never solved. The helper oftentimes sacrifices their own good for the good of the other party in an unhealthy way. This is unhealthy on its own but also breeds resentment and causes emotional problems for everyone.
From Wikipedia: Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns. Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent. We are not codependent. Emotionally we tend to feed off each other, lean on each other for support and walk through the hell in life hand in hand. That's the way that relationships are supposed to be...mutual benefit, mutual sacrifice, mutual joy and mutual pain. As for the relationship I had with my parents, that was very codependent, in the sense of having to put your own needs below their needs and taking verbal and emotional abuse because my dad needed someone to take his anger out on.
If you still spend time apart (alone and with other people) as well as time together, and you're both happy with the situation, then it sounds okay... although I think it's better to just love being with someone rather than be 'dependent' on them.
