I've been wondering whether to post something like this for a while, and this seems like the best time to do it. Nelson Mandela was a truly great person, and should be remembered for his courage and strength, but also his capacity for forgiveness. Forgiveness is so, so vital. Not for when it was an accident, or when someone has changed, but for when it wasn't an accident, and they haven't changed. For when they've caused real harm. Because when it isn't deserved, thats when it isn't easy, but its when it is most needed. It isn't easy, but try to forgive. Both personally and politically. And lastly, feel free to comment and disagree. It isn't my intention to create a thread protected by a dead man's legacy.
I'm a full believer in forgiveness. One of my best friends bullied me for a few years. Now he's one of the people I'm closest to and I'm truly glad I could overcome my own animosity and manage to salvage a friendship that became stronger as a result. Whilst I'm sure I'd have trouble forgiving someone who truly wronged me, I do try my hardest. There is one person I haven't forgiven truly yet, but that's partly because he's yet to show any remorse or apology.
Mandela succeed since he didn't blame every white South African for what had been done under apartheid, he knew that the average person had nothing to do with the dictators, and in the end the ANC had a lot of support from all south africans. Yes he did forgive the ones who were responsible, the same ones who locked him up for 27 years, which is admirable. I wish some people in my family would forgive more, my Aunt for instance has been messing up my family and my Mum doesn't want to forgive her. I instead actually up to see her said I am her nephew, I love her and I want to be in her life even if some others in my family don't, I wish more people would be like this
Refusal to forgive is carrying a heavy weight yourself and hoping somebody else gets tired. Let it go, and be free.
If we never forgave each other, we'd never go over the top of the trenches we've dug ourselves and we'd never talk to each other, know each other or progress anywhere. Forgiveness is the first step in reconciling and opening dialogue, and overcoming divisions. It's what solves conflict, so yeah. Of course it's important. Like Danica94 said, after you forgive someone that you thought was your enemy you could find they can turn out to be your friend.
Would you say it's also important to take someone out of your life who is putting a toll on it? Maybe I could of forgave this person, but back then I was not able to see that. She was being gender policing and homophobic btw
Sometimes its necessary. I want to do the same thing myself. But you can still forgive at the same time as protecting yourself. It isn't about convincing yourself she never hurt you.
Forgiveness is crucial to a healthy self, and a healthy relationship. But I don't believe in "forgive and forget." I try the absolute best that I can to extinguish the ill-will I hold towards someone because of what they've done, but I never wipe the memory from my mind. Just doesn't feel right pretending that it never happened.
Exactly how I feel too. I don't spend my time dwelling on the people who have truly wronged me, but I'm not going to let them back in my life because of it. Forgiving them doesn't mean not learning from my mistake to trust them in the first place.
I learned the hard way about forgiveness. All my life I was fed the line that forgiveness was about "turning the other cheek" and all that sort of nonsense. Honestly, I didn't know what forgiveness was until I had to do it. Forgiveness isn't about saying injustice is okay, and it isn't about not building up safe boundaries to protect yourself. It also has nothing to do with the person(s) that you are trying to forgive. It's about letting go of pain, anger, and resentment. It's about making a choice to let it go so that you can move forward with your life, even - and especially - when you have every reason to hate the person(s) that wronged you with every fiber of your being. When you carry anger, pain, resentment, and hatred around inside of you - it's like a poison. It doesn't change what happened, but it does change you. It distorts how you view the world, and how you interact with others. It requires you, out of necessity, to see yourself as a victim. It causes you to re-live the pain you've experienced over and over again, because that's the only way to keep the anger and hatred alive. It gives the person(s) who harmed you the power to keep doing it, because you go back - again and again - to draw more water from the well of resentment. Forgiveness is about actively choosing to let that all go, and if you've been genuinely and deeply hurt - it's probably one of the most freeing experiences that anyone can have in their lives. Of course, it isn't something that happens over night, it's something that you have to willfully choose sometimes again and again. I know from personal experience that when you've finally put it all behind you, it changes you as a person - for the better. You grow stronger and more resilient. You no longer think and feel like a victim any more, but instead feel and think like a survivor. That shift in perspective is gradual but it is huge. Perhaps most importantly, though, is that it allows you to move on with your life and begin to heal. I never understood any of that until I had to do it myself. Sadly, I also learned from this that I don't think it's possible to achieve true justice until after you've engaged in forgiveness. Until we've engaged in forgiveness, any attempt at "justice" will always be tinged with vengeance.
I am a naturally vindictive person, and I hold my grudges close. I have forgiven before, but it doesn't come easily to me. I greatly respect a person who can forgive when it is difficult. Although I am much more impressed in this case by Mandela as a liberator than as a person who forgave. Had I been in power, there would have been a lot less truth and reconciliation and a lot more criminal trials for restitution (even by labor if necessary).
The reason I think his forgiveness is so important is because it breaks the cycle of violence. Admittedly, there is still too much violence in south africa, but not, I suspect, nearly as much as there could be. The oppressed overcome their oppressors, and in turn oppress. In breaking this, you create much more lasting change.
I don't think it was so much that he forgave as he realized it was necessary to keep the wealthy landowners there for the sake of the economy. To keep them, while still making land and economic reforms without flattening the economy, was a clever move designed to keep the country afloat. The concept of forgiveness takes precedence in our society because of religion. The concept of forgiveness never had the elevated status it has now before Jesus. There are some precepts that were universal, but forgiveness was never one of them. While there's no intrinsic value i forgiving someone, there is practical value. Truthfully we only practice precepts like forgiveness, and humility because they're so ingrained in our culture that nobody's has questioned them.
I don't believe in forgiveness because the offender deserves it. I believe in forgiveness because the victim is less likely to grow bitter and destructive. Grudges don't create progress.