Am I a virgin?

In my opinion you lost it.

Congrats!

 

If you were trying to give each other an orgasm then as far as I'm concerned you were having sex and lost your virginity. Doesn't really matter exactly what you were doing.

Having sex doesn't mean having a penis going into a hole in your pelvis, otherwise lesbians and others in relationships without a penis would always be classified as virgins.

 

I have a canned answer to this I won't trot the whole thing out

but virginity is just a some thing to control womyn and make them feel owned or dirty if they are not "pure" when their "owner" takes them after taking them from their father.


but if you want to take this thing upon yourself - be my guest

so, sex is sex, all sex is sex and it you want to keep this "purity" you have to be pure ats the driven snow.

you blew it. you have far more that just any sex you had multiple sex of your own freewill. and intent is what counts. Penetration by a penis is not what defines virginity.

people get this idea that virginity is the"tearing" of a hymen - NOT, hymens never get torn, the hymen is not a solid membrane, if it were womyn would not menstruate until after they were "broken" by their first man. The only reason anyone ever does bleed the first time they do have sex is due to inexperience or not being properly lubricated or excited.

 

I agree with Ridiculous. Don't get too hung up on the "common" definition of losing your virginity. I think it's safe to say you're no longer a virgin.

 

IMO, definitely not a virgin anymore. I don't agree with your friend lol...

 

Okay so nowadays sex without penetration will still lose your virginity?

How about in my part?

I don't have any experience with guys (ofcourse) because I'm a lesbian before then went to being a transman. But with girls, no penetration etc, (i'm one way)..so basically, im still a virgin or not??0_0 confused.

 

I would say you lost your cherry hear as you did everything else but anal sex if you want to do it again then grate dont forget to use protection BTW .

 

Ok I sincerely apologise if I sound like an uneducated idiot here because I am very new to ftm, mtf terminology etc and it's quite embarrassing to be honest. Anyway I would say in the traditional sense losing your virginity as a straight girl (which you already said you were not) would involve penetration but that doesn't apply. However now as a transman I would say that having sexual contact along the lines of what the OP had would definitely qualify, with a girl and not a guy of course.

 

I'm going to set aside my disdain for the concept of virginity for the moment, just to address the ridiculous point of view of your friend.

Using his judgment for who is and is not a virgin, he's pretty much saying that every lesbian who has never had sex with a man is a virgin. He's also saying that any gay man who doesn't enjoy or want anal sex is a virgin.

It doesn't matter how much sexual activity they've engaged in: by the mere fact that they haven't either penetrated someone else with their penis, or haven't been penetrated by a penis themselves they are a virgin.

I'm sorry, your friend is ridiculous.

Do you want to know when you're no longer a virgin? When you say you are no longer a virgin. Virginity doesn't matter because it doesn't exist - it's an entirely fictional concept. The first time you have sexual contact is about as important as saying your first word or taking your first step. Sure, it's a minor milestone, but it's only the first time you do something, and hopefully the start of doing it a lot more in the future.

Do we put this much emphasis and importance on saying your first word or taking your first step? Of course not. Why? Because that would be silly. Having sex for the first time should be no different.

Look at all the pressure and anxiety you felt or to use your words - the many months you've spent "angsting" about "losing your virginity". Now look at the pressure you're under wondering if someone else can validate that you're no longer a "virgin".

To me, the anxiety, pressure, and angst you feel is a prime example of why the concept of virginity is not just a fictional concept, but a bad and dangerous concept. When you have sex it should be because you want to have sex, not because you want to lose a label. Not because you feel pressured or some social stigma if you don't.

I'm sorry. I don't want to rant in your thread. However, the short answer is: No, you're no longer a "virgin" because you've had sexual contact. Your friend is ridiculous. You can stop angsting, and it's my hope that your future sexual relationships are fulfilling and rewarding without this added pressure / angst surrounding them.

 

I feel virginity is more so a state of mind rather than a state of physicality. Virginity is subjective and can depend on many factors. Define it for yourself if it matters - not that it should - that much.

 

I don't mean to seem rude but, have you ever actually read up on the scientific facts regarding what you just said? Because you are in fact wrong. I mean, wow, I'm not a woman but I have read about it and I'm not sure where you're getting this information from.

 

Actually she's right. The hymen is defined as a thin membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening. Everything I've read says that the hymen has an opening. Without that opening, menstrual blood can't come out. If a woman is not relaxed or not lubricated enough, it can be torn during sex and there can be blood. But the idea that a woman's first time will definitely result in the loss or rupturing of her hymen and will be painful is just a myth.

Here are some sites and articles that back this up:
Female Health: The Hymen | Information for Teens
New York Times Is Wrong about the Hymen--But They Are Not Alone | Psychology Today
http://www.thehealthj.com/december_2012/hymen_facts_and_conceptions.pdf
Discovery Health "Hymen"
http://www.lesbilicious.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/corona.pdf
You Can't POP Your Cherry! (HYMEN 101) - YouTube < Laci Green is awesome. She's a sex educator, has written for Discovery News and worked for Planned Parenthood.

---------- Post added 15th Dec 2013 at 01:36 AM ----------

As to the OP's question, I agree with what other posters have said. Virginity is a social concept, not necessarily a scientific one. Some people don't believe in the concept at all, some people believe that penetration of some form needs to happen to "lose" your virginity, and others believe that any shared act of reaching an orgasm is what it takes to lose your virginity. I don't approve of the term myself, but really I feel that virginity is what you make of it. I wouldn't worry about the labeling myself, just enjoy your time with your partner.

 

In my opinion, you lost it.

The concept of virginity is subjective though and people will apply their own terms and conditions based on the meaning they have given it. But based on most peoples opinion, evidenced in the previous posts, I think most would agree, you lost it.

 

I don't really get how this could be so important. I mean, many people make a fuss over wanting to lose their virginity and I've never understood why. I think it's just society telling everyone that "if you haven't lost your virginity at the age of xx, you're a loser!".
Personally, I don't think much of that but I guess, everyone has different priorities.

 

Virginity is stupid (the concept, not the state of being). You had sex, leave it at that.

 

Insofar as the concept of virginity matters as a sort of milestone, then you definitely lost it. If you want to have fun with the concept (and are the sort of person who just loves lists), you could choose to mentally subdivide your 'virginity' by specific acts (e.g. Oral, frontage, mutual JO, being naked with a guy, etc.), in which case you lost it three or more times already (you horndog you ) with the option of 'retaining' your anal virginity to be lost at some future time (because who doesn't want another reason to celebrate? ). The important thing is that you go with whatever feels best for you.

Congrats on losing it and welcome to the club :icon_bigg take a moment to imagine us taking you out for virtual beer and pizza to celebrate. Glad you had such a good time and remember to play safe.

Todd:smilewave

 

Actually that's not the part I was disputing, I didn't say it didn't have an opening of any kind, of course that would be ridiculous. From what I had read it is always torn, at some point or another, that's a fact. However it could be from some form of exercise like cycling or horse riding. I personally don't believe that's a good way to dictate whether or not you're a virgin. No wonder lots of young women get themselves worked up over doing it or having not done it "properly" or something. Such a pity.