Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Sam · 19th Jun 2008, 10:19 PM

I was just wondering how many of you came out as bi to your family/friends and then you discovered you were gay and had to come out again. How did your family react?

I totally believe that bisexuality is real but I wonder how many people don't because someone in their life came out as bi and then gay.

I came out to my parents, friends and most of my family as bi and then I realized that I was a lesbian and I had to tell everybody I was a lesbian it sucked it was like they were thinking "uh huh I knew she would come out as a lesbian one day" but I wasn't trying to cover up the truth, I honestly believed I was bi at one time.

just want to here from other people who came out as bi and then lesbian/gay.

(I'm bored and this was a thought in my head sorry!)

SonofaPastor · 19th Jun 2008, 10:32 PM

While I've never actually heard of someone coming out as bi and then gay/lesbian (although it doesn't surprise me that it happens) I do hear the opposite quite a bit. I've heard of (and met) some people who claim they're bi but in the end realize they're just straight. It's kind of like people who think something might sound sexy but once they go through with it they find out it's not exactly for them.

Jebs · 19th Jun 2008, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SonofaPastor

I've heard of (and met) some people who claim they're bi but in the end realize they're just straight. It's kind of like people who think something might sound sexy but once they go through with it they find out it's not exactly for them.

Yea... I've met alot of people that did this. Once I got out of high school though I never ran into that. I think some people just used the label to get attention. Hence why I get skeptical of bisexuals.

LOVEjames · 19th Jun 2008, 11:01 PM

I came out to my friends as bi, and then right after I knew they were okay with it I was like... "I'm not bi, I'm gay. I just wanted to see how well you'd take it." Granted, I've only ever 'come out' to two people. After that it was just "Ohhhh, he's the gay one... >_>" :P

Wander · 19th Jun 2008, 11:06 PM

I considered, at one point, trying to make myself bisexual so that when I came out, it wouldn't be so big of a deal. Didn't work, clearly, and I've yet to come out to anyone in real life. When I do, though, I plan on telling them as it is.

**lostinthought9** · 19th Jun 2008, 11:20 PM

i came out at first as bi, but i kinda did think i was bi, but then i thought about it some more, and told them i was gay...then i was like "nahh, idk what i am, just know that im not straight" --and everyone that knows is cool about it though

20th Jun 2008, 02:31 AM

When I came out to my mother I told her one of my friends told my (ex) girlfriend I was bi. I can't remember how I told her I only liked guys tho.

**Owen** · 20th Jun 2008, 03:58 AM

I didn't come out to anyone other than my mother until I knew I was gay, but I did come out to her as bi first. We are really close, so I was basically bringing her along for the ride on my path of self-discovery.

Pegger · 20th Jun 2008, 06:20 AM

I kenw I was gay when I came out to my parents, but telling them i was bi eased them into it and made it easier for them to accept, then i told them i was gay =]

ausdtc · 20th Jun 2008, 07:10 AM

I've heard about that situation a lot, it's one of the things I think about when I think about coming out to people. Saying that I'm bi seems to be the most accurate based on past experiences, but I worry that that's just because I hadn't accepted I like guys and that now that I'm ok with it I'll lose interest in women completely..

Needless to say, it all gets very complicated, you can go around and around in your own head for ages. I solved that by saying to myself "OK, all I know is that I'm not straight. And that's fine!".

ccdd · 20th Jun 2008, 09:20 AM

Funnily enough, I've had exactly the opposite -

Most of the people (friends) I have come out to, I have come out to as gay. But several of them, after accepting that but then talking to me, have then said "are you sure you don't mean bi?". This isn't because they're more accepting of bisexuality or anything (this, for instance, has come from gay, bi and straight people I know), but because in the discussion that ensues, it becomes clear that I have liked men in the past, even if at the moment I prefer women.

Quite perceptively, I think (and these are people who know me well in real life) they all seem to have realised that a part of me just wants to be one or another, and that once I realised I was bi, I just wanted to be gay. (Although I do have a very strong preference for women)

But it's funny, because I came out as gay and then bi.

Some of my friends took my sudden leap to being gay as me wanting to define myself once I realised I was bi (which some had guessed anyway!).

But with other friends it's kind of embarrassing, actually, to then tell them, actually, I'm bi not gay...

Just thought I'd give my example of the other way around!

(But I'm not sure my mum believes in bisexuality: the topic came up of this girl who had been with a guy and then a girl, and she said "she sounds confused", and I said "no, just bisexual")

jazzrawr · 20th Jun 2008, 09:48 AM

Well, I came out at first as unsure to my mom, and some friends.
Then i said i was bi, because i really did think i was...but I think my feelings for guys were really just friends and also i felt flattered that they liked me.
I mean, i guess very very technically i'm bisexual, but I don't ever want to be with a guy.
I find the occasional guy hot for like 3 seconds then im like "ewww..." XD
so yeah, that happened to me.

XXX Lou XXX · 20th Jun 2008, 10:49 AM

For a while I thought I was bi, but then realised I was actually a lesbian and didn't tell anyone until I was completely sure. When I came out to my best friend I told her in a text ''hey, there's something you should know. I'm bi.'' I knew I wasn't, but for some reson I thought she would take it better if I told her I was bi. She took it really well so a few days later I told her on MSN that I was actually a lesbian and her reaction was also good.

Austin · 20th Jun 2008, 11:38 AM

I kinda did it, but not really... I mostly just told my mom I was gay. Then she told my dad I was unsure. and I haven't spoken to my dad about it, so she thinks I'm unsure.

Wired106 · 20th Jun 2008, 11:43 AM

I actually knew I was like gay but I told one of my friends I was bi because I wasn't sure how he would take it. Before I told anyone, I as thinking about telling people I was bi but then realized that would be a total lie and I don't want to lead anyone on, and I thought it would be easier saying I was bi versus gay. But I ended up just saying I was gay instead of bi because i'm not bi lol.

Sam · 20th Jun 2008, 03:51 PM

I don't think my mom wants to deal with me being a lesbian, she still holds on to the fact that I told her I was bi at one time it gives her hope that I'll end up with a guy one day even though I've told her numerous times that I'm gay and there is no way in hell I'm going to end up with a guy! Lol its ok though cuz she does accept me in her own little way.

Beebo · 20th Jun 2008, 04:28 PM

welll... I came out as Bi to the first person I told. Because Saying I was gay was just too stressful, so I covered it up by saying I was just bi.

**Gerry** · 20th Jun 2008, 04:50 PM

I knew I was always gay and had no interest in girls other than a friendship but when I was in 8th grade one of my best friends, who is a girl, tried convincing me that I was bi instead of gay because she had a huge crush on me. She used to pass me notes in 8th grade and say stuff like "you are not gay you are bi!" and stuff like that ... she eventually understood I was gay and is fully supportive of my lifestyle. Maybe it took her moving out of state to understand that though...

abercrombieboi · 20th Jun 2008, 06:36 PM

well when I came out in 7th grade I came out as bisexual because I guess I was to afraid of the fact that I might be gay and like the social stigmas that come with it. The same thing is happening to this past love of mine, I kinda booted him out of the closet because I was mad at him over something that happened between me and him, and I know it doesn't justify it but whatever and so now hes bi because like he cant deal with losing a lot of his friends and things like that...so yea

agraves · 20th Jun 2008, 08:12 PM

I haven't finished coming out yet. What I mean by that is, I've told 4 people that I'm bi knowing full well I think I'm actually gay. I agree with the others in that I think it's easier for people to come out as bi first...to kinda give people time to accept it...then come out again later as gay. I'm not exactly sure my reasoning behind it but it just feels right.

19th Jun 2008, 10:19 PM	#1
Sam "define normal" Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: out to most, ask and I'll tell Location: Oklahoma Age: 25 Posts: 1,206 Join Date: Aug 2006	Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? I was just wondering how many of you came out as bi to your family/friends and then you discovered you were gay and had to come out again. How did your family react? I totally believe that bisexuality is real but I wonder how many people don't because someone in their life came out as bi and then gay. I came out to my parents, friends and most of my family as bi and then I realized that I was a lesbian and I had to tell everybody I was a lesbian it sucked it was like they were thinking "uh huh I knew she would come out as a lesbian one day" but I wasn't trying to cover up the truth, I honestly believed I was bi at one time. just want to here from other people who came out as bi and then lesbian/gay. (I'm bored and this was a thought in my head sorry!) __________________ Love knows no gender, it has no boundaries, it is blind yet everyday I wake up to a world of hate and little acceptance, it's sad that I'm hated not for who I am but for who I love~ me (Sam)

19th Jun 2008, 10:32 PM	#2
SonofaPastor Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: If anyone asks I'll tell them Location: Oregon Age: 23 Posts: 46 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? While I've never actually heard of someone coming out as bi and then gay/lesbian (although it doesn't surprise me that it happens) I do hear the opposite quite a bit. I've heard of (and met) some people who claim they're bi but in the end realize they're just straight. It's kind of like people who think something might sound sexy but once they go through with it they find out it's not exactly for them.

19th Jun 2008, 11:01 PM	#4
LOVEjames \o/ Love! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 4.9 Out Status: Pretty out Location: Seattle, WA Age: 21 Posts: 1,075 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? I came out to my friends as bi, and then right after I knew they were okay with it I was like... "I'm not bi, I'm gay. I just wanted to see how well you'd take it." Granted, I've only ever 'come out' to two people. After that it was just "Ohhhh, he's the gay one... >_>" :P __________________ La la la la la.

19th Jun 2008, 11:06 PM	#5
Wander Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Parents, aunts, grandma, counselor, online friends Location: Central Alabama Age: 18 Posts: 2,360 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? I considered, at one point, trying to make myself bisexual so that when I came out, it wouldn't be so big of a deal. Didn't work, clearly, and I've yet to come out to anyone in real life. When I do, though, I plan on telling them as it is.

19th Jun 2008, 11:20 PM	#6
lostinthought9 EC's Biggest Xena Fan EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: Louisiana Age: 21 Posts: 2,058 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? i came out at first as bi, but i kinda did think i was bi, but then i thought about it some more, and told them i was gay...then i was like "nahh, idk what i am, just know that im not straight" --and everyone that knows is cool about it though __________________

20th Jun 2008, 02:31 AM	#7
JSG Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? When I came out to my mother I told her one of my friends told my (ex) girlfriend I was bi. I can't remember how I told her I only liked guys tho.

20th Jun 2008, 03:58 AM	#8
Owen Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult EC Admin Gender: Agendered dude Orientation: Panromantic androsexual Out Status: Everyone and their mother Location: Massachusetts, USA Age: 21 Posts: 2,862 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? I didn't come out to anyone other than my mother until I knew I was gay, but I did come out to her as bi first. We are really close, so I was basically bringing her along for the ride on my path of self-discovery. __________________ "Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza." -Daria Morgendorffer

20th Jun 2008, 06:20 AM	#9
Pegger Newbie Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Sydney, Australia Age: 21 Posts: 6 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? I kenw I was gay when I came out to my parents, but telling them i was bi eased them into it and made it easier for them to accept, then i told them i was gay =]

20th Jun 2008, 07:10 AM	#10
ausdtc Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Brisbane, Australia Age: 26 Posts: 189 Join Date: May 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? I've heard about that situation a lot, it's one of the things I think about when I think about coming out to people. Saying that I'm bi seems to be the most accurate based on past experiences, but I worry that that's just because I hadn't accepted I like guys and that now that I'm ok with it I'll lose interest in women completely.. Needless to say, it all gets very complicated, you can go around and around in your own head for ages. I solved that by saying to myself "OK, all I know is that I'm not straight. And that's fine!". Last edited by ausdtc; 20th Jun 2008 at 07:25 AM..

20th Jun 2008, 09:20 AM	#11
ccdd Procrastination Queen Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: 30(ish) friends, but mostly closeted. Out to mum Location: UK Posts: 1,009 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? Funnily enough, I've had exactly the opposite - Most of the people (friends) I have come out to, I have come out to as gay. But several of them, after accepting that but then talking to me, have then said "are you sure you don't mean bi?". This isn't because they're more accepting of bisexuality or anything (this, for instance, has come from gay, bi and straight people I know), but because in the discussion that ensues, it becomes clear that I have liked men in the past, even if at the moment I prefer women. Quite perceptively, I think (and these are people who know me well in real life) they all seem to have realised that a part of me just wants to be one or another, and that once I realised I was bi, I just wanted to be gay. (Although I do have a very strong preference for women) But it's funny, because I came out as gay and then bi. Some of my friends took my sudden leap to being gay as me wanting to define myself once I realised I was bi (which some had guessed anyway!). But with other friends it's kind of embarrassing, actually, to then tell them, actually, I'm bi not gay... Just thought I'd give my example of the other way around! (But I'm not sure my mum believes in bisexuality: the topic came up of this girl who had been with a guy and then a girl, and she said "she sounds confused", and I said "no, just bisexual")

20th Jun 2008, 09:48 AM	#12
jazzrawr Lover of Loony Lovegood Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesimbean Out Status: I scream it from rooftops Location: Ontario, Canada. Age: 19 Posts: 3,391 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? Well, I came out at first as unsure to my mom, and some friends. Then i said i was bi, because i really did think i was...but I think my feelings for guys were really just friends and also i felt flattered that they liked me. I mean, i guess very very technically i'm bisexual, but I don't ever want to be with a guy. I find the occasional guy hot for like 3 seconds then im like "ewww..." XD so yeah, that happened to me. __________________ <3 You can love people so much... But you can never love someone as much as you can miss them. (...and the lesbians.)

20th Jun 2008, 10:49 AM	#13
XXX Lou XXX EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Friends, mum & grandparents (finally!) Location: West Sussex Age: 19 Posts: 452 Join Date: May 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? For a while I thought I was bi, but then realised I was actually a lesbian and didn't tell anyone until I was completely sure. When I came out to my best friend I told her in a text ''hey, there's something you should know. I'm bi.'' I knew I wasn't, but for some reson I thought she would take it better if I told her I was bi. She took it really well so a few days later I told her on MSN that I was actually a lesbian and her reaction was also good.

20th Jun 2008, 11:38 AM	#14
Austin Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Most people in my life. Location: Orange County, California, USA Age: 19 Posts: 1,788 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? I kinda did it, but not really... I mostly just told my mom I was gay. Then she told my dad I was unsure. and I haven't spoken to my dad about it, so she thinks I'm unsure. __________________ Can I sail through the changing ocean tides, can I handle the seasons of my life?

20th Jun 2008, 11:43 AM	#15
Wired106 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Norcal-San Francisco! Age: 20 Posts: 557 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? I actually knew I was like gay but I told one of my friends I was bi because I wasn't sure how he would take it. Before I told anyone, I as thinking about telling people I was bi but then realized that would be a total lie and I don't want to lead anyone on, and I thought it would be easier saying I was bi versus gay. But I ended up just saying I was gay instead of bi because i'm not bi lol. __________________ "What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?" - Vincent Van Gogh "The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn." - David Russell

20th Jun 2008, 03:51 PM	#16
Sam "define normal" Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: out to most, ask and I'll tell Location: Oklahoma Age: 25 Posts: 1,206 Join Date: Aug 2006	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? I don't think my mom wants to deal with me being a lesbian, she still holds on to the fact that I told her I was bi at one time it gives her hope that I'll end up with a guy one day even though I've told her numerous times that I'm gay and there is no way in hell I'm going to end up with a guy! Lol its ok though cuz she does accept me in her own little way. __________________ Love knows no gender, it has no boundaries, it is blind yet everyday I wake up to a world of hate and little acceptance, it's sad that I'm hated not for who I am but for who I love~ me (Sam)

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20th Jun 2008, 04:28 PM	#17
Beebo the cat what has facial hair. Full Member Gender: MAN Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto Age: 23 Posts: 893 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? welll... I came out as Bi to the first person I told. Because Saying I was gay was just too stressful, so I covered it up by saying I was just bi. __________________ New Song up. a rough version of "The Ghost of Adam".(I will be adding more.)

20th Jun 2008, 04:50 PM	#18
Gerry We're all a little mad! EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Las Vegas Age: 24 Posts: 5,537 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? I knew I was always gay and had no interest in girls other than a friendship but when I was in 8th grade one of my best friends, who is a girl, tried convincing me that I was bi instead of gay because she had a huge crush on me. She used to pass me notes in 8th grade and say stuff like "you are not gay you are bi!" and stuff like that ... she eventually understood I was gay and is fully supportive of my lifestyle. Maybe it took her moving out of state to understand that though... __________________ "Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality".-James Baldwin

20th Jun 2008, 06:36 PM	#19
abercrombieboi Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I'm on fire people Out Status: Being as flaming as I am, the ? is who doesn't... Location: Miam-shizzle Age: 20 Posts: 135 Join Date: Aug 2007	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? well when I came out in 7th grade I came out as bisexual because I guess I was to afraid of the fact that I might be gay and like the social stigmas that come with it. The same thing is happening to this past love of mine, I kinda booted him out of the closet because I was mad at him over something that happened between me and him, and I know it doesn't justify it but whatever and so now hes bi because like he cant deal with losing a lot of his friends and things like that...so yea

20th Jun 2008, 08:12 PM	#20
agraves Amber Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 28 Posts: 246 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: Came out as bi then gay/lesbian? I haven't finished coming out yet. What I mean by that is, I've told 4 people that I'm bi knowing full well I think I'm actually gay. I agree with the others in that I think it's easier for people to come out as bi first...to kinda give people time to accept it...then come out again later as gay. I'm not exactly sure my reasoning behind it but it just feels right. __________________ I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.