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Gaydar and closeted people

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Saintly89, Dec 24, 2013.

  1. Saintly89

    Regular Member

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    Hello empty closets. This is my first post!

    Okay, I want to ask about a topic that is probably worn out: Gaydar.

    To some people it is ridiculous and based on obvious stereotypes that are more like common sense than some kind of deep intuition. To others it's a kind of unexplainable sixth sense that some people do have.

    I myself have accurately judged someones sexual orientation several times, and not always basing my judgment on obvious traits. I too have been accurately categorized as gay by people who do not know me, without having to say anything, and in spite of not me being glaringly obvious (though I would never go so far as to describe myself as "straight acting").

    I have a very strong crush on a friend :kiss: who identifies as straight and for some reason I have always had a gut feeling that he is gay but closeted because he is a religious Baptist. He doesn't have many stereotypical traits other than having "twinkish" good looks and a obsession with working out. He rarely dates, says he rarely thinks about sex, and has offered some weird explanations as to why. Such as "I don't wanna go out with girls around here because I'm afraid they're my cousin". He lives in a small town but trust me, it's not stopping anyone else. I told him I would have rather had him date my sister than the guy she was dating at the time and he told me "she's too good a friend". This being in spite of the fact that they had been to the movies together twice, both times with me along, and have never had a real conversation.

    He enthusiastically leaps at the chance to talk about homosexuality. Once he told me that he thought "being gay is a choice" and that he has "homosexual thoughts" but that it doesn't make him gay because "everyone does". A while later he told me he had been suicidal about something in his life but didn't want to tell me what. I got the feeling it was related to our earlier conversation about being gay. He also told me he thought I was really good-looking after I disparaged my looks. He told me he was obsessed with Nsync and the Backstreet Boys as a kid. He politely implied he was very well endowed when we're at a Mexican restaurant to a table with two gay men. He is also sexually abstinent but worked as a security guard and for thirty minutes regaled me and two friends with stories of where people meet to have sex to the point where everyone was anxious he change the subject. Other than me, two other gay men have had a thing for him (to a lesser extent) and he described one as accusing him of "just bluffing" about being straight. So I learned I'm not the only one to suspect this.

    None of this means anything definite one way or the other. I realize this post has been done in one form or another countless times. I was just curious about other peoples opinions about gaydar and people who are closeted. I'm not naive enough to expect people to say "he's gay fore sure" or "no way, you're just wishful thinking". I'm not unbiased and I may be just wishful thinking. I just wanted some opinions on the general subject.
     
    #1 Saintly89, Dec 24, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2013
  2. resu

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    How can a guy politely imply he's well endowed, lol?!

    Anyway, labels are just labels. They may or may not have any ties to reality. However, the facts appear to be this guy thinks he can control his sexuality, which is foolish (but I went through the same phase) and may explain his suicidal thoughts.

    You don't describe yourself much. Does your friend know you're gay? You could try to say words of reassurance that you care for him and accept him (i.e. getting him more comfortable). If you're out to him, you could give your own personal story to show you know you didn't choose to be gay. Ultimately, the big choices are yours in terms of how much you want to pursue him.
     
  3. Saintly89

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    I knew someone would comment on politely implying you are well endowed:roflmao:. We were discussing an ethnic group in the Appalachian mountains called the Melungeons, who supposedly have African ancestry and how he had "melungeon blood". He said "that might explain a certain physical feature..." . How polite that is is a matter of opinion.

    Thanks resu, you're coment was very insightful and helpful. I am not exactly out to him but he's not dumb so I'm sure he suspects it. I will tell him that if that is what he is struggling with that I'm someone who understands and is there for him.
     
    #3 Saintly89, Dec 24, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2013
  4. girlonfire

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    If you like him, confront him about it? Maybe he's deep in denial.