It's just a reminder that I don't have the family (husband and children) that I always wanted. I wish I could turn the clock back. If I see one more Facebook photo of one of my friends kids and how wonderful Christmas will be, I'm going to scream. Maybe Santa can make me straight in the New Year.
Femme-(*hug*)(*hug*) I'm sorry your hurting. Spent many pre-marriage holidays alone. Thing is I was even more lonely married. Holidays sucked. (Except for early Christmas morning) I played it strait for too many years. For now hope for the future is enough.... just trying to make it thru this week... (*hug*)
Thing is I'm not alone. I've been with my female partner for 8 years. She already had kids and had been married and so didn't want to do that with me. I'll be honest I didn't want to marry her either not because I didn't feel that I loved her at the time, I did feel that way. I just didn't see that our marriage would be a "real" marriage. Yes, I know it sucks that I think that way but I can't change it. As for having kids, I should have left her and just found someone that would have them with me. Now I'm too old and bitter. I feel that I was supposed to be a mother but never fulfilled that role. I'm not interested in adopting. It's just past me by like everything else I wanted in life. I've just failed at life.
I really understand your desire to want your own children, and society/social media makes it easy for us to measure our self-worth against whether we have been in a position to make it happen. That you have not been able to have your own family is sad when that is what you have wanted but it does not make you a failure. Allow yourself time and space to grieve this loss and think about minimising acceess to social media at this time of year. I take steps to hide/block people on FB that make me feel bad. You are worthy. Sending you good wishes!
