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What does it feel like to be a woman/man?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Techno Kid, Dec 25, 2013.

  1. Techno Kid

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    If you identfy as one of the two binary genders, what does that feel like? I have trouble understanding how anyone can "feel" like a woman/man?

    Thanks in advance for any insight! :slight_smile:
     
  2. SohoDreamer

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    That's an intriguing question because I couldn't really define what makes me a man. I'm anatomically male and that has never felt wrong to me, so I suppose it is a combination of that plus my SDN being male (presumably). It is interesting though, I can't definitively describe it. I just am... You know?
     



  3. huh? It weirded me out the first time someone said they were anything BUT male/female and now you want me to justify being "normal". You people who say gender is NOT what it has always been for 99.9999999999999% of the races existence suddenly get to redefine it for all the rest of us?

    I just am female. I certainly know even from the earliest age I ever encountered boys they were different from me and all the other girls I knew. Look, smell, act & feel different.

    I know it has nothing to do with my presentation or the role I play in society since I got a fairly traditional job (Computers) and I never wear makeup or anything like that.

    but the attitude to life I have had and towards others is such that I see myself in the feminine person (you can see me struggling to use your terms) whereas those who are always male have a very different perspective than I always seem to have.

    as far as how does it feel = good - like that answer?

    not sure if I helped or hurt here? :tears:
     
    #3 GivePeaceAChanc, Dec 25, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 25, 2013
  4. Nikky DoUrden

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    That's funny, because I don't care what I am, I care who I love though :grin:
     
  5. Motto

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    For me, I would also say its one of the categories that I have not questioned because I feel no discomfort in my current understanding of myself in the category of male. I am not what society would deem a "masculine male." But, I feel male none-the-less.

    I have really always hated the phrase "all-boy." As in that kid loves playing baseball, eating bugs, and rolling in mud. He is all-boy. I always felt a little bit bad like I may be bad at being the gender that I feel I am.
     
  6. Filip

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    No one's asking to justify anything, really. just what it feels like being a specific gender.

    Also... gender didn't suddenly get reinvented. It was always nonbinary, with people falling in between (or outside or beyond) either extreme. 99,999% of people just never saw it and pretended that what they didn't see didn't exist.
    Much like how GLBT people aren't a new thing either, despite how the other 90% of people pretended we didn't exist for 99,99% of history.

    So... now that we know more, I think it's pretty good to be able to discuss it and compare experiences. No one has to justify themselves, but the more we share experiences, the more we can understand each other!
     
  7. drwinchester

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    That's an interesting question, suppose I've never really thought about how it feels... Like, I know I'm not female, know I'm not non-binary. Being non-binary was something a lot of people suggested I was when I was first questioning, since I'm not an overtly masculine person, but I knew, even before I'd really settled on a male identity, that I felt like a man.

    And to me, it's being recognized as such is the most validating feeling I know of. I don't want to equate sex with gender but I feel being in a male body is how my body was meant to be. At best, being referred to as female is annoying. Adopting a feminine gender role (even as a "masculine woman") feels stiffling. I'm far from overtly masculine but I'm not a tomboy, not a butch- I'm a guy. It's just this sense that being male is right, and I don't have to force anything to be one- no more beating myself into a pink box.
     
  8. Hexagon

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    I dunno. Its all a little subjective, isn't it.
     
  9. kem

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    I feel like neither so I'm curious to hear what people feel as well. I hate and love everything masculine about me, but I have a similar relationship with my femininity.
     
  10. Nick07

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    To tell the truth, I think that our mind is genderless.
     
  11. Just Jess

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    For me it's not so much a single thing, it's a lot of little things that add up. And after talking to other people a lot about this stuff, not everyone's going to have the same little things as I do.

    Trying to think up a good analogy, it's kind of like "what's it like to be a cake or a pie". There's millions of kinds of cakes, there's millions of kinds of pies, and then there's those things you get at diners where you'd be just as right calling it a cake as you would a pie. There are definitely things that can make something a cake, or a pie, and things most cakes and most pies have in common, but the second you start nailing down what those things are exactly, you're leaving out a lot of exceptions, and some of those exceptions are really good.

    So to me, some of the things that didn't feel natural... well a lot of them wouldn't really answer your question directly, since they're things like my body becoming more and more masculine and the way that makes me feel, those aren't things that all men and women experience. And some other things are kind of TMI, but I will say that I'm pretty sure after having a chance to talk to people and compare, that the way I'm wired for sex is very different from the way many boys are wired.

    Out of the rest? So one thing I've noticed is that the more woman I am, the more up front I am with a lot of things. I have an easier time showing how I feel too. Some of it feels natural, but some of it doesn't, partly because I remember going into my early teens trying to get myself to hide a lot of that stuff. I know some of it's taught because I remember teaching myself.

    But that really shines a light on some things, some things about being a man I've been able to pick up and learn, and some of those things became real parts of me. But some parts were always fake no matter how many times I practiced them or no matter how much I wanted them to be real. And after I came out trans and started living as me, those things were very fast to go. I couldn't do a lot of them again now if I wanted to.

    So in some ways, I'll never really know what it's like to be a man. I walked like a duck and taught myself how to quack like a duck, but I was never really a duck, and it was always exhausting until I could take my duck suit off.

    And because I missed out on some important experiences, and like it or not, learned or not, they are very real parts of people, there are some things about being a woman that I'll never really understand or experience firsthand either.

    So being a woman, to me, means letting go of anything fake, anything I know boys do, that I do to keep up appearances and feel safe. What's left, sure some of it will have something to do with my ideas of what a woman is. A lot of it will have to do with my sense of self and the way I naturally approach things. And I don't think there's much point in separating the two since they've been mixing in my head for 32 years.

    With that in mind my being a woman means I express how I feel a lot more easily. I'm usually a lot more cheerful on the whole, and I've found I'm not as shy as I used to be. But I catch myself really feeling - don't read this, it's really sad, just trying to collect my thoughts -
    there was a story in the news about a guy that threw his kid off a building and then himself two days before Christmas, and I was imagining what it would be like to be that kid and trusting my daddy and not understand why he pushed me
    - some things that hit home a lot more, I'm a lot more vulnerable to them and I'm right back to being overwhelmed and crying. I don't think that's a bad thing, but it did amaze me just how much had changed once I let my genie out of the bottle.

    I think a lot of men feel a lot of the things I do - again this goes back to that cake and pie thing, if you put the same thing in a shell, suddenly it's a pie and not a cake - and the men that are open to it are in my mind even more masculine. But to me, they were things I did because I was trying to be something I'm not.
     
  12. anonomous

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    i feel like a boy. my body dosent feel right on me. people have always said stuff like: oh your not very girly or only boys have spots and stuff like that that wasnt very nice.
     
  13. thekillingmoon

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    I agree with that. If our souls were stripped out of our bodies or if we all looked the same, no one would be able to tell who's male and who's female. I definitely don't believe in gender stereotypes, men are supposed to be like this and women are supposed to be like that type of stuff. It's silly to me.

    What makes me feel like a woman? I don't know honestly. I guess because everyone expects me to be since I have a female body and I simply accept that. I mean, I'm comfortable with having a female body obviously. If I wasn't I might have questioned it.
     
  14. SohoDreamer

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    What the hell? Techno Kid didn't ask us to justify anything, in fact they were merely curious as to how it feels to be "normal", because perhaps they haven't been treated as such in their life. It has not always been like anything other than what it is. The fact we are entering the baby steps of a society where people are accepted for being who they are rather than who they're supposed to be does not mean that anyone is trying to redefine anything. Honestly, you sound just like one of those homophobic idiots who tries to spout nonsense about non heteros trying to break the rules and alter life for straight people.

    In actual fact, all that's happening is that people with real identities are finally starting to be recognized for who they truly are. We're moving past the antiquated concept that there are only cisgendered heterosexual people around. TK didn't challenge the fact most people are lucky enough to be cis, they just wanted to know what it is like, that is all. Attitudes like yours are not helpful in making others feel welcome and you are in fact invalidating their existences with your rigid attitude.

    P.S. Sorry TK if they isn't an appropriate pronoun. I'm unsure of what to use?
     
  15. Techno Kid

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    Aww thanks SohoDreamer, you are so sweet! (*hug*)
    I already cleared the air with Peace about this, I did not want everyone to be on her for that so was not going to say anything, thanks again though. :slight_smile:

    They/their or just my name are the pronouns I use, Soho. :slight_smile:
     
  16. kem

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    This is what I think as well.
     
  17. Nick07

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    The only problem I have with that is...How does it go together with trans* issues? Are we brought up to be a certain gender? Do we choose if we are satisfied with the upbringing?
     
  18. drwinchester

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    Yeah. Have to admit, that's something I've wondered about. Like how different are male v. female brains anyway? People always say there are differences in thought processes, behaviors- but how much of that's biological versus social/cultural conditioning? You keep hearing things like "transwomen have brains similiar to ciswomen" but research in the field is still underdone. I mean, would we ever get to the point where diagnosing someone with gender dysphoria involves a brain scan? Kind of hope not, to be honest.

    I mean, being trans can't simply be a choice- though I suppose there is a choice involved. I didn't choose how to feel, but I damn well chose to explore and act on them.

    Lot to muse over, must admit...
     
  19. Sarcastic Luck

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    The mind isn't genderless.

    There was a boy that, due to a botched circumcision, had his penis destroyed and was subsequently raised as a girl. If the mind was truly genderless, there wouldn't have been any issue. Not only did it result in a living hell for him, he ended up killing himself.

    David Reimer - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
     
  20. Nick07

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    I don't know. We often say, no matter if you go through transition or not, you will still be the same person. But we are a complex of many things and upbringing and watching the gender stereotypes is a huge part of that complex.
    On the internet you hardly ever know if the post was written by a man or a woman.

    People here often say "I don't know who I am anymore." Is there something to choose from really?

    No matter from which side I look at it, I always come to the same - one mind.