Lol I apologize for the generalization. Here's a little rant I need let loose, and it's something I really don't understand about the gay community. (this mostly involves gay men, you lesbians are all angels ) ) Why are a lot of us so PICKY when it comes to dating? Unless we were born with fantastic looks, most of us are average joes with varying degrees of femininity within us. We all are a little girly and feminine, and no of us are perfect, yet we put such high standards on our dates and the people we are attracted to, and never give each other a chance. Like the thing on some apps with so many guys who say "NO ASIANS/NO BLACKS." etc. Anyone else notice this and could share your thoughts?
I think everyone has their preference, but the "NO ASIANS" thing is mainly coming from people looking for a hook up who want to weed out 95% of people. So they post in all caps. LIKE THIS! But other than that I would say gay people overall are a little less picky. That they are more accepting that people are different as they have been condemned so much in their life for being "unnatural" or a "freak" etc.
First, I think we all have preferences and dating in the gay community merely reflects human nature. That said, with online dating profiles and apps, some gay men seem to be more blunt about it rather than beating around the bush like good social manners teach us. That said, I think a lot of it stems from internalized discrimination. All of us may have felt discriminated either by ourselves, through our lack of self-acceptance, our friends, our family, and/or society. When gay men go out and look for dates, it feels good to have the power to discriminate and be picky just as others have done unto us. I'm not speaking from experience since I haven't entered the dating scene. This is simply based on observations from articles and such. I'm sure I won't be the right guy for many guys physically and I might feel the same about them. That said, when you date, I was taught that looks fade but character and integrity stay the same. If you date solely on looks, you're bound to be sorely disappointed, at least if you're goal is not to date solely for "fun" but for the possibility of forming a life-long partnership. At least, that's what my mom says.
Just as an fyi, the forum rules say we're not supposed to actually name apps or sites. Just something to bear in mind for future reference. A moderator should be along to edit it out in due course, or you could reach out to them proactively and ask them to. Regarding the actual issue, along with what others have said, I'd also suggest that the anonymity allowed by the web is a factor. This seems to breed rudeness (or even all out nastiness for the joy of being nasty) in a fair number of people. TBH (and speaking from experience so long ago that cell phones were still a rich person's toy), it requires relatively trivial effort to indicate one's interests or preferences in a positive manner that doesn't put anyone down and probably would win you positive attention from others. Some people just don't want to make the effort apparently. Todd
The straight community is picky. The gay community is pickier. For one, coupling is more of an objective for straights, and less so for a portion of the gay community, either consciously or unconsciously. While we all try to put our best food forward, some gay men try to attain perfection, as for their own appearance, and look for a Ken doll to match them. I see that a lot of GB guys are not coupled, or at least not in meaningful way. The reasons are many, but the high level of shallowness seems to rise to the top.
@StarryEyes I would argue the opposite, but that's what I've personally seen and it isn't just guys who are looking for hookups. Like AlamoCity is saying, plenty seem to use being discriminated against as as an excuse to do a ton themselves. I also can see AlamoCity's point in that, should you give someone a chance, there's a chance that your thoughts on their physical appearance might change as well. You don't even have to date, as I am not there yet myself. I've talked to some guys who I wasn't as physically attracted to who have stayed in touch and, while they look the same, I'd consider pretty (damn) cute now. Yes we all have preferences but it's all bs really when it blinds you to the point where you aren't even giving anyone chances. Unlike being gay, plenty of physical preferences are learned, whether through media or how you grew up if you ask me. It's whether or not you try to actually look beyond them...if you truely can't, then all the best for you but you're going to be missing out on at least plenty of good friendships and people to date.
Black guys are great! I've went out with a few. One guy I went out with moved to LA to further his singing career. He has a couple of CD's out. One date was antique shopping in southern Ohio. We got lost and spent most of the day on country roads. I have preferences but can't afford to be too choosy.
Im picky alot of the time. To me, i dont see the point in getting involved with someone that you dont find attractive AND love their personality. If the person aint right for you, why string them along? I actually know alot of gay couples, and think tht coupling is actually an objective of most (including me). Gay/straight is just the same, only we go for a different gender.
Should people really be changing their preferences*? *Special case: if they are sexually racist, then yes, they should. Otherwise, it's a bit unreasonable to ask...
I'm not really picky. I have crushes on people regardless of size, race, or any other physical feature. Now I'm very picky about personality. Basically, if you aren't the personality of River Song or the Doctor, then you aren't for me. Okay, that sets the bar pretty high. But it is still what I want! Back on topic: Those guys on apps are probably just looking for a hookup, as said before. Obviously, just as with straight people, some LGBT+ people will be picky, whereas some won't. It depends person to person. I have a trans* friend and he is very picky about girls he dates. If you aren't his 1 crush, you wont have a lasting relationship.
True in all applications ... straight, gay, and anything in between. I agree. It's about chemistry. But if someone is looking for perfection, that's self-defeating, though.
We're no more picky than anyone else. It's just that we have an abnormally small dating pool that accentuates how limited human sexual preferences often are. I know a lot of straight people who have very strict preferences, but because of the sheer number of straight people, it's not all that unlikely that they'll find a compatible partner.
