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Prejudice vs. Personal...?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Siarad, Dec 29, 2013.

  1. Siarad

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    Would you rather have family members / friends who are prejudiced against homosexuality in general but accepting of you or those who are accepting of homosexuality in general but can't be at peace with your sexuality?

    My Experience

    Just a thought that's been drifting through my thoughts after Christmas with my Mum's extended family. We (as in my immediate family) are very different to Mum's extended family in almost all ways [We are left wing - they are right wing, we are atheists - they are Christian, etc] but there is a very strong and genuine sense of family and family staying connected whatever differences we have and one of the cornerstones of that is the annual Boxing Day get together.

    I strongly suspect that whilst my parents remain in the dark about my sexuality, most of Mum's extended family have come to the correct conclusion about my sexuality via the wrong route as my straight best friend looks like a stereotypical lesbian and I think they think she's my girlfriend! My aunt made a comment this Boxing Day about people bringing "girlfriends or boyfriends" to the Boxing Day lunch and seemed to deliberately put the word 'girlfriends' first because she was talking to me.

    It got me to thinking - here are my extended family who are almost certainly opposed to general gay rights but are able to accept my sexuality completely (as they do all the other ways we're different) whilst my parents, who are left-wing, absolutely in favour of gay rights in theory, have made it clear that they would be quite sad to find that one of their children is gay. My Dad has expressed a lot of paranoia about my brother because my brother hasn't had girlfriends yet [my brother is straight but lacks confidence] and made comments along the lines of homosexuals having to 'explain their sexuality' whilst straight people don't [when I was trying to point out that just as he doesn't necessarily know why he likes women, he just does, that is the same for homosexuals] and my Mum has said that of course she is in favour of gay rights but any parent would be 'sad to find out their child is gay because life will be so much harder for them'. So this is one of the main reasons I haven't come out, because Mum has loads of stress concerning the life circumstances of my Dad and brother and I don't feel I can add to that by coming out to my parents, yet I don't see my sexuality as a stress or problem.

    It makes me feel quite torn/conflicted that actually, even though their beliefs are so different, my extended family would probably be more able to accept me personally than my own parents who are supposedly left-wing and are my moral compass.
     
  2. Hiems

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    I would actually prefer the latter, as disadvantageous as it sounds initially. But if they accept homosexuality but not me, then it's just a matter of them acclimating to who I am. For some folks who come out, their family members accept them at face value, while for others, it takes more time. I don't mind them having to take their time to wrap their heads around my sexual orientation. So as long as they get through that first hurdle of accepting homosexuality - which is difficult - then they can work on accepting me later on.

    I would not prefer them to not accept homosexuality but accept me because that is very reminiscent of the "hate the sin, love the sinner" concept. It's that hypocritical attitude - similar to that of Phil Robertson's comments - that bugs the crap out of me because I question whether they genuinely accept me. That concept is likely something they've been indoctrinated with via religious teachings, so it becomes that much more difficult to remove that idea from their minds. Moreover, when I bring a boyfriend/long-time partner to visit, they will probably feel uncomfortable by virtue of not accepting homosexuality. The best analogy I can think of for this scenario is Blanche's reaction to her gay brother's long-time partner in The Golden Girls.

    You can see how accepting sexual orientation before accepting me requires more time but is probably more worthwhile. That's my two cents.
     
  3. Huma

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    The former. I would rather have family members or friends who are prejudiced against homosexuality in general but accepting of me. My parents' views are their own and I wouldn't impose anything on them. But I love them deeply and wouldn't want them severing ties with me (which they are most likely to do). I don't care if that's hypocritical. They're my family and I need them.
     
  4. Hexagon

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    I would prefer the latter. I have no interest in people who hate everyone similar to me but me. That's just like hating me, and it would be hypocritical of me to accept their affection in that situation. The ones with the personal problem, but who demonstrate widespread acceptance of queer people will probably come around in time.
     
  5. An Gentleman

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    I've experienced something similar to the second option with my own parents.
    Not fun.
    At least with the former, the fact that they accept you is a sign that they can learn to accept others.
     
  6. Batman

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    The latter. Which is pretty much my situation right now anyways :grin: I'd rather them give me the boot than the whole fucking gay community. I don't know.

    That's like asking if you'd rather share all your oreos and you get none, or eat the whole box, and no one else gets any.
     
  7. Saint Otaku

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    They're both starting points on different ends. My situation is more likened to the former, but I find both of the options to be unattractive if growth towards either [former:] accepting all homosexuals or [latter:] accepting the individual does not happen. The advantage with the latter is that acceptance all around is more likely.
     
  8. I'd rather have my 'rents be open to homosexuality and not embracing of me than the latter. My dad says he would be okay with me being gay, but that when I got a girlfriend he would turn her straight and how gays rectums are gonna fall out and how they're all gonna burn in hell. I don't have time for bigotry like that. It's just foul, man.