Why do straight friends "grieve" after you come out?

Well, some straights believe that being gay is a miserable way to spend your life, you know, without procreation. They think they feel pity to this person.

 

The impression I got from this is that the straight people affected will probably never see this person in the same way again; the fact that many people claim being LGBT (particularly the T) is part of their identity is usually a big shocker.

 

I think in many cases, friendships start by seeing common traits or interests - you like the same type of music or have shared hobbies or cheer the same sports team etc... After a while you identify with the other person, share information, get to know more and more about their personal life, trivial as much as deeper stuff. You feel a certain level of connection, and tend to extrapolate all sorts of things based on YOUR reality not theirs. Then that friend comes out, and pulls the rug from under you, because for a bit of time it can put everything else in question. In reality you still like the same band/team, still eat the same foods, are still good or terrible at various things in your life, but somehow that little variable of who you're attracted to seems to throw everything else out the window, temporarily at least.

Face it, don't we sometimes go through the same thing when first meeting people we think are also bi/gay, start to establish a friendship and eventually find out they are now dating someone of the opposite sex?

 

Who said they grieve? I didn't notice this with anyone I know...

 

He's pretty much explained what I've tried to explain.

 

Never seen this with anyone I know.

 

None of my friends grieved for me.

If they did I would question if they were any good as friends in the first place

 

I think it's mostly parents that grieve for their gay child. They grieve that there won't be a traditional wedding. They grieve that there won't be grandchildren. They grieve for the hardships of their child's life.

 

I thinks it's most just the surprise of it all. When I told my friend he was shocked but supportive he compared it to finding out that santa was a fake. They see you as one thing all the time they know you, then they find out your completely different.

 

I've never had any of my friends grieve over it, parents and grandparents yeah, but not friends. Like what biggayguy said.

 

Well, I wouldn't say grieve, not exactly, but I can't think think of the right word.

One friend of mine acted like that because he believed that I was going to change how I acted and think and everything, and he doesn't want that. He also said that I'm not stereotypically gay, so he didn't believe me that I was.

It's good that they come around soon enough, though.

 

I feel like it's just them getting used to the news themselves. They had an image of you they were pretty sure about, and you changed. Think about how long it took you to be okay and accepting with yourself. It may take some time for them too. I don't know if what I wrote make sense, but I hope I made a helpful contribution

 

I'ts probably due to the huge shift in their paradigm that is caused when the individual in question comes out to them. They need time to process this revelation and mull over any questions or thoughts that they might have. I would compare it best to finding out that your best friend is an alien.

 

i think that everybody just needs to get used to the idea that you are the same person, with my friends even i felt kinda awkward and didn't know what to do. but within a couple of days we were back to being normal friends, and we were all making dirty jokes and running our hands up eachothers legs again because everyone realized that it was all the same, i was the same ladada

 

My female friend hates it if i tell her she looks nice and doesn't hug me anymore but she ask me questions on what's it's like to be gay but at times she doesn't like hearing about it or touching me at all . I makes me feel sad because if i were straight she would hug me once and a while :tears:

 

My friends definitely didn't grieve. They ranged from happy for me to absolutely not caring at all (in the good way, not in the "I don't think enough of you to have an opinion" way). One friend did try to make a joke by saying "just don't try hitting on me!", so I flipped it and said I wouldn't hit on him even if he WANTED me to.

My mom, on the other hand.... That's an entirely different story. I just chalk it up to being a generational thing where they didn't grow up around the same factors that leads a lot of today's youth to true acceptance

 

Because they are narrow minded..

I heard of a family (including the mother) that grieved for their son after he came out (the family was religious), basically for them he was dead.. :/

 

I don't even have children at this point, but I'll never understand how some parents can emotionally toss theirs aside...