Is it who you are attracted to that makes you gay/bi etc or who you have sex with? Can someone have sex with someone that does not fit their label of sexual orientation and still claim that they are whatever label they said they are? If your orientation is who you are attracted to, then what exactly constitutes attraction? Isn't attraction very subjective? Can you ever truly know with 100% certainty what, or why you find someone attractive?
It's who you want to have sex with and are attracted to. Orientation is about desires not actions. There are many gay people in heterosexual relationships as a cover. It doesn't mean they're straight. Also, for some people sexuality is concrete for others it's more abstract, complex and fluid. I personally have a very concrete sexuality and like guys with zero ambiguity. For you there may very well be grey area. There isn't for everyone but everyone is different.
I just posted something like this. Coincidence much? http://emptyclosets.com/forum/1821665-post6.html To me, sex is very physiological, like hunger or thirst. You can have sex with anyone, just like you can eat or drink anything. Attraction, on the other hand, is psychological. You can't get attracted to just anyone. I would definitely prefer to label myself according to my psychology, not physiology.
Its who you're attracted to. You have plenty of gay men married to women, who have never had sex with a guy, and they're still gay. And I've never had sex, but that doesn't make me asexual.
Interesting. I was actually reading somewhere else online something similar, which is why I wanted to get EC's take on it. I guess everyone is on the same wavelength today.
You don't have to be having sex to know your orientation either. Just because someone's a virgin doesn't mean that they don't know who they're attracted to.
This begs the question of why so many people are confused about their sexuality. If you "just know" who you are attracted to, like you and others have suggested, then why are so many of us, myself included, so confused?
I think your sexuality is defined by which gender arouses you. I know that I'm homosexual because girls have made me excited and no boys have. I agree with cherchuer, it's who you want to have sex with.
Well I think it's either A) Because society is hetero-normative. When society tells you that you're suppose to be attracted to the opposite sex when in actuality, you're attracted to the same sex, it can be confusing, B) You're bisexual, which seems confusing in general, or C) You just can't accept your attraction, which can lead back to A). For me, I wasn't really confused, it was more denial. I knew I wasn't attracted to girls, but I couldn't accept that I was attracted to guys, so for a little bit, I decided I was asexual. I figured that was better than being gay, but eventually, I figured it all out. ( Oh, This is also coming from someone who is still a virgin)
You never "just know" who you're attracted to. A preference for one sex significantly over the other is what makes one monosexual.
I don't think it is accurate to say "significantly" when describing monosexuality because some bisexuals say they prefer women over men, or men over women. I think monosexuality implies preference of one gender to the exclusion of every other gender.
I don't know, since to me, "preference" suggests the ability to be attracted to members of both sexes, while most monosexuals imply that they couldn't feel attracted to one or the other even if they tried (and most wouldn't even want to). There's a difference between "I couldn't be sexual or in a relationship with a ___; I just don't swing that way; I've never felt a thing for them and don't understand how anyone can," and "If the right one came along...; they'd have to be ___; or I usually prefer ___ to ___." Some people choose to label themselves as one thing or another since it's the closest thing to what they feel their orientation is, while others might do it for political or personal reasons. Not everyone within the same category shares the same experiences or definitions; a "gold star" gay who has known and been out since they were a teenager is totally different from someone who believed themselves to be straight, gotten married, had kids, and came to realize they were living a lie at fifty six. For some people, sure, it might be cut and dry, but for others, not so much. Sexual behaviors don't determine orientation nearly as much as the motivation behind them, the overall satisfaction involved, and what the person really wants. Like others have said, you can be totally gay but only have had straight sex, but the opposite is also possible, even if less likely or discussed. Things can get fuzzy, since so many factors are involved, but the bottom line is the same: no one has the right to tell someone else what they are or how to live.
Yes, Starry, I agree. As of now, there is no scientific/ biological proof as to how a person "can't be attracted to a particular sex". One can talk only from experience about "not being able to be attracted to a particular sex", but there's no proof they won't be. This interests me: Sigmund Freud's theory of Innate bisexuality - Wikipedia This is something I've been thinking about. The female body (particularly the V, thighs, hips, breasts) and softer facial features attract me. These contribute to my attraction to women. The male face also attracts me, but not sexually. Although my current circumstances tell me I'm homosexual, I believe one can't be 100% sure about sexuality.
