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Friends just because I'm gay.

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by matty13, Jan 2, 2014.

  1. matty13

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    Hey all,

    I came out to someone that I work with but isn't a close friend. Now she really wants to be friends with me, she has more or less told me it's because I am gay and she loves gay people. She almost always only wants to talk about gay issues. To be honest I don't like it, she makes me feel very one dimensional.

    Has anyone ever been in this same situation?
     
  2. Argentwing

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    I haven't been in that situation, but yeah it's clear she cares more about "talking about gay issues" than you as a person. If you want things to improve, you need to call her out on it.

    Sorry about that though. It's better to have no friends than to have fake friends. :/
     
  3. Steele

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    Personally, no, I haven't been in this situation, but I get what you're saying. It annoys the hell out of me whenever people act like they're above everyone else or get cool points or whatever because they've got a gay friend. It makes it seem like a gay person's homosexuality is the only notable thing about them when really, a gay person's homosexuality shouldn't be notable at all.
     
  4. Mathnskating

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    I have no experience with this regarding LGBT issues. However, I have this happen with my guide dog periodically. I know for a fact there are some people who only talk to me because they like my dog, people forget my name but remember my dog, I get defined by my disability all the time.

    My advice is to either tell this person that she is making you uncomfortable, or you could start to branch out and talk about other things ad see how she responds. It might be that this person will only be an acquaintance. I personally avoid people like this. You are so much more than your sexual orientation, or any other single aspect about you. You are a person full of rich experiences that have made you unique, and you deserved to be surrounded by people who recognize your uniqueness.
     
  5. The_Poets

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    I had a funny variation to this story

    so my friend and I were talking about why I joined GSA (this was before i was out)
    and she says "Maybe I should join I've always wanted a gay best friend"
    I then replied "You have me"
    About a month later I was ranting about hot women celebrities and I said "what did you expect when you said you wanted a gay best friend?"
    She Replied "A guy"

    lol i had way to much fun with this

    Also I personally feel safer around gay guys, but that is just because I have had way too many creepy straight guys flirt with me.

    I have a guy that is friends with me and all he ever does is try to get me to ask girls out
     
    #5 The_Poets, Jan 2, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2014
  6. Data

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    When I came out to one of my friends, she immediately said "Now we can go shopping together!" and I popped that bubble right away.

    If she really only wants to be your friend because you're gay, then I'd say tread carefully but don't just drop her altogether. If you two have common ground and she engages you about that common ground as well, that's great. If she only HARPS on the gay aspect of you though, then I'd get tired of that pretty quick.

    It's like when someone introduces you "This is my friend (blank), he's gay." Is that ALL I am?
     
  7. Daydream Harp

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    If it's only because "I want a gay friend" yeah it will probably be a bit shallow, though having the common interest of LGBT rights on the other hand can be a good way to build a friendship, so it's not necessarily good or bad directly. I have a friend who I don't have all that much in common with, but we tend to talk about LGBT things together and I feel it's a good friendship still, and I think he sees it the same way.
     
  8. matty13

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    Thanks for everyone's input! Just wanted to add a bit more to the story - I wasn't particularly close to this person before she knew I was gay and now that she knows she is actively pushing for friendship.
    Also, I had a bit of a tipping point recently when i was out with a bunch of people including her. She was very much in control of the conversation and was really pushing the LGBT element. At one point I overtly tried to change the subject but she immediatly managed to turn it back, and then asked me about what sportspeople I think are 'hot'.
    It was extremely awkward as these were all people from work that I don't have very close ties with. I think everyone thought it was a bit of a joke, and i just laughed it off, but really it was very annoying, mainly because I'm not the kind of person to have that conversation in front of people i don't know well. My actual friends would never do something like that.
    Finally, I should say, she isn't a bad person, in fact she is quite nice, but i think she just lacks social etiquette and maybe hasn't had much experience with real gay people.