I made a breakthrough today. We were at a party playing cards and drinking ,leter , before midnight, we went out to town. There was 4 of us and while we played cards we placed some bets on them. The last game me and my cards partner lost and hat to kiss any girl the winners told us to. You can see how that would be uncomforable with a gay man who never kissed a girl before… Friends were drunk and i wasn't so that made it easy for me to convince them that the challenge could be passed by a kiss on the cheek. Later while walking to town- 20 min walk- i managed to convince them to challenge me for a specific girl. I congraduleted her new year and gave her two kiss on cheeks (without frightening her out). Now why is this a breakthrough? Because I ovarcame two of my fears. First one being that I actually stood up for my self and drew best situation for myself through expressing my wishes and thoughts (while till now i never did so and thought i couldn't) and the second being the fact that I can get into a chat with strangers without me or them freaking out(while till now I thought that I would freak someone out by doing such). This is relevant because it gave me a huge ego boost (which then became the same as of someone social), and gave me incredible desire to make out with a guy. Now I knew that there were only a handful of gay people in town and most of them were underaged or still in denial. Except for one who was in britain, or so i thought until i saw him. I told my bro that im going to kiss that guy and felt more confident then ever that i will really do it. I asked him to go somewhere with privacy, he agreed and we went to a park. There I embraced him and we started to kiss.He placed his hand on my leg and i placed my hand on his, gently. We went back to teh club and seperated. I hadn't felt a thing. Physical it felt great and i can still feel his lips but emotionally nothing changed. I wanted it to be that way, since i had only physical desire to kiss while in fact i feel nothing towards him (might sound as if i used him but I am sure that he wanted to do it as much). Though I am sure now that i like men better then woman. Im proud of myself, I knew i wanted to do and i did it. That's my top in 18 years of life. I wasn't drunk and I acted the way I wanted to act, confident, proud and relaxed in front of people. I conversed I laughed and I kissed. For someone who has lots of self isues and close to none self esteme this is a mayor breakthrough. The aim of this post is to share personal experience to those that might be like me in a way, and show them that nothing bad can happen to them for being themself.
