I am not talking about EC. I am talking about the LGBT community in general. We already get judged by a lot of people. Why do we have to judge and hate on each other? I do not see the point. If we would learn to support each other, and try to be there for each other I think things would be a little bit more easier for us in general because we would have support from each other. This is why I am glad EC is on the Internet so that we can come and support each other, but we as human beings need more than just the internet for support. We also need support in every day life. What do you all think? Do you all think the LGBT community need to start supporting each other more as a whole?
Let's see... Conservative LGBT vs Liberal LGBT, LGB vs T, Tumblr trans vs 4chan trans (and Reddit trans, to a lesser extent?) Transsexuals vs genderqueers, religious LGBT vs atheist LGBT, L and G vs B, sometimes racism and sexism, LGBT vs demisexuals, pansexuals, asexuals, etc. and a whole slew of other notable fights. To answer that question: Yes.
I think the reason is simply weakness and insecurity. People who are weak and insecure want control of their world and the world around them and to minimize threats, and labels along with what can be assumed with them (all x are y) as well as an "us" to fight against a "them" with give a sense of control, predictability, and safety. Irritating, but hard to hate... they're the ones with the problem.
Why can't we just all agree... we are each different colors but put us together and we make a Rainbow
People just have a general habit of sucking sometimes. I don't even think they mean to. A lot of the time it's just a lot of personal issues from were someone else sucked causing someone who'd otherwise be a nice person to behave in a sucky way which in turn causes someone else to suck and so on...
Here is the issue we MUST pass judgement on each other. A lot of people would be shocked to hear that but if we do not pass judgement on people how do we know who we like or do not like? There are people while even though they might be good people in general just dont measure up to the standards I have for a mate or friend or business partner. How could I have known this without judging them? To not pass judgement its to passively accept it all and that is not good. There are just some people that are terrible people or not up to what we are looking for at the moment. This isnt bad, its just life. If you are talking about prejudging people prior to knowing them well yes then its foolish because you lack the necessary information for a true and honest judgement. It leads to false assumptions and lost opportunities. So in short judging people is not wrong but prejudging them is foolish.
One very likely reason has to do with shame. Shame is fundamentally a belief that we aren't worthy of love and belonging. This is particularly true of LGBT people who, by definition, don't "belong" to the majority "club" of people who are straight. One of the ways we artificially create belonging is by excluding others. So if, for example, we judge others in some way that excludes them from whatever group we're in, we in effect create a group to which we belong. Another aspect is what therapist Debbie Ford called our shadow self. In this work, she describesthe things that we most hate about others are things we secretly fear about ourselves. So, for example, judging someone else as ugly or a whore or whatever is essentially a manifestation of a very, very deep (and usually unconscious) fear that we're ugly or whorish. Most LGBT poeple have the same amount of family-of-origin "baggage" as our straight counterparts, but we also get an extra serving of baggage, because of the internalized homophobia we all have to one extent or another, because of all the messages we get form media, organized religion, bullying we experience growing up, and so forth. So this, too contributes to our shame. In short, on the whole, it's likely that people in the LGBT community have more shame and self-esteem issues, on the whole, than our hetero counterparts, and this is likely a major cause of the judgment and rancor that seems so prevalent in our community.
I must say that I don't see a lot of this, I hope it doesn't mean my eyes are closed! In general I think LGBT are nice people
Not everyone is going to agree about everything. Isn't that what is great about humanity? That one person can love chocolate candy bars, tennis, and sitting at the beach and someone else can love vanilla ice cream, bowling, and sitting by a fire on a cold day? Now I know that people will then move on to more complicated issues like politics, and this is where a lot of disagreement is. But to me this issue is really simple. Don't force your beliefs on any one else. Because why do those people who love bowling and not tennis not hate tennis and complain about tennis all the time? Because no one is forcing them to watch tennis. They have a choice to turn the t.v. off. So if you want everyone to get along, then everything should be voluntary, and nothing should be forced on anyone. You see where this is going? People are going to disagree that everything should be voluntary. Because people will say certain things have to be done in order to maintain order. This is the conundrum. How can everyone "agree" when we live in a world where we are forced to do certain things and are thus forced to then disagree?
Judging is ultimately part of being human. There have been studies of babies showing they can also have biases for people who have similar interests and against those who don't, for even extremely insignificant things like the choice between two different snacks. Thus, there is an "us" vs "them" approach, which probably comes from the pre-human need to quickly distinguish friends from foes. Luckily, as children grow up, society and culture help a lot to ameliorate this instinctive pigeonholing (which is why you see kids of today able to play and be friends with others who look and act very different), but it never really goes away. The main thing is that each person has to understand what differences are legitimately valid versus differences that can't be helped (which lead to racism, sexism, homophobia, etc.). In that sense, often society and our family fails us very badly in perpetuating dislike for "the other." In the LGBT community, this takes the form of people on a spectrum from extreme conformists to the heteronormative ideals (e.g. the many gay guys who want "straight-acting" or "masculine" partners) to those who strongly resist those stereotypes and view conformity as being inauthentic. I think one of the challenges is that sexuality is by and large an arbitrary attribute, such that it groups together people who may have other widely divergent personalities and interests. Also, the arbitrariness means we are born in random families and often have to deal with our sexuality by ourselves for a long time until we meet others, either in real life or online like on EC. Moreover, since there is no regular outward appearance ("phenotype") that identifies a person as LGBT (though we have stereotypes like the effeminate guy or butch girl), others can't identify us 100% like they could for ethnic/racial minorities. So, it is quite easy for people to pick and choose how much interaction they want or don't want with the wider LGBT community.
No but It "DOES" mean you try to see the good in people.. Technically your eyes are more open than most.. Rare attribute to find amongst people now a days if you ask me. U^~^U
It's because people have limited time. It is no different in the straight community. People gravitate toward the types they have something in common with. That "judging" isn't about judging whether someone is better or worse, but rather judging that they are different from you and your vibe. I do better with bookish, clean cut guys. That means if I see a bear or a gym rat or other subset of the male GB community, I don't think there's much of a foundation for a deep friendship. That's all. I could be wrong, but we usually read people well. The same is true among lesbians, with labels produced within their subset of the larger community to identify themselves, others, and who they prefer. You can't force feed people to accept others within a community that is both horizontally (type) and vertically (age) diverse. The exact same thing can be said about African-Americans and Hispanics, as there are rifts among their ranks in coming together in solidarity. Then there's the differences in the amount of buy-in and participation. Again, people can't be force fed. It's mostly about using one's time wisely and finding like-minded people within any group of people, right down to small clubs we may belong to. ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2014 at 10:43 AM ---------- The one I like is how babies can pick up on what looks like a nice person's face and a mean person's face and react accordingly. They've studied that, too.
The thing about judging others is knowing that not all groups are the same. Not all races. Disabled, glbt, Christian groups are the same. It is a huge problem in our society when it comes down stereotyping groups of people and that is something I fight for everday until I die against stereotypes of my sexuality and disabilty. I remember at my last job I was naturally shy and struggled with my social anxiety. There was this 55 year old lady there who been there for 20 years and she made it her job to ridicule me and push me around because she knew my weaknesses and took advantage of it. She was the loud outgoing type that everyone liked except me and there were others. Being judgemental is like a disease we all done it and it really is not healthy. I remember the worst thing I did in school was write a note in special Ed class about this kid touching himself and also said he liked men. The note was read out loud and the kid who has moderate aspergers cried all the way home. I got in trouble sent to the principal and and had to write a apology. Ironically out of all the homophobic shit said in that class t I was the only one ever sent to the principal. story of my life.
I would say not just lgbt people but humans in general judge one another because we are all flawed and it is easier to exaggerate the flaws in others than to look to the flaws in ourselves.
