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What do you make of this?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Simple Thoughts, Jan 7, 2014.

  1. Simple Thoughts

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    The Surprising Effect of Praising Kids

    I was scrolling around through yahoo news and stumbled upon this.

    What do you make of it? Do you think it as merits, or should we offer unrealistic praise to all children?


    Anyways...thoughts?
     
  2. Bibliophile

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    I think offering praise when your child does well is a healthy thing. But I also think that lavishing praise for every minor achievement is just damaging. Too much praise simply waters down the meaning of it. But not enough will make people feel like they are never good enough for you.
     
  3. Simple Thoughts

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    Personally, I would've settled for a 'good job' every once in awhile.

    I got more of a 'Come on stop being a wuss and help me lift this' or a 'What are you stupid?' or a 'What's that a C? You should at least be getting B's, you're grounded' needless to say I didn't have much confidence as a child. I barely have any now :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Back on topic, I like this article because it explores the nitty-gritty of praise :slight_smile:
     
  4. Bibliophile

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    See that's the issue many parents face. They want to push their child to better themself and aim high. They just go about it the wrong way. I will say as a kid if I had a C in any subject other then math I was grounded. However I deserved it because my parents know I could get a B without trying except in math. I actually got praises if I got a C and if I got a B I got a small treat because they knew how hard I had to work for that. I think my parents had it right as far as school was concerned but in other areas they were too hard. But what parent gets it 100% eh?
     
  5. Simple Thoughts

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    None of them ever get it 100% right, it's kind of a 'learn as you go' sort of deal.

    I could have gotten A's in every class if I'd wanted. I know I could have now, but when nothing you do feels like it's good enough you just kind of give up -.-'
     
  6. Bibliophile

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    Yea I saw the effect of that first hand in the military. NOTHING was ever good enough unless you almost killed yourself doing it. I was consistently in a battle to get my junior guys some slack and well earned praise. I got a lot of hassle for how big my mouth got on such matters.
     
  7. Simple Thoughts

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    Well at least you weren't afraid to use your voice. Military ethics would be a joke if applied anywhere else.
     
  8. Hilzo

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    I'm at university studying to be a teacher, and they are always telling us that we must praise the students when they do something good. I personally think that praise should be given in moderation and not always just for doing something great. I find that some kids in the classroom are unwilling to show their work as they fear they will be wrong or they will be laughed at...therefore I tend to praise them on having a go, even if their answer or work was incorrect. I also like to give group praise, that way everyone is included. I don't have kids of my own, and I am sure that as parent it is seen differently, but when my nieces show me their school work I tell them that it is great, but first I get them to explain it to me so that I am not just being bias.
     
  9. Simple Thoughts

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    That's an interesting approach to take :slight_smile:
     
  10. Bibliophile

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    Mind if I ask you to explain this one? Not sure I get what you are implying here. Also if you cant tell from my posting around the forum I am NEVER afraid to speak my mind even if I know I have zero support.
     
  11. Simple Thoughts

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    Take the structure implemented in the military and apply it to other things. 'Chain of command' specifically...
     
  12. Bibliophile

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    Im not sure about that one. I would say that a lot of people could use the discipline that rank requires. I've seen too many people back talk their boss or fail to complete tasks because they know that its rather hard to fire someone these days. Well unless you want a lawsuit or union after you. So id say it might not be a totally bad thing. The hours and the really having now personal life is deffinatly out of the questions. I would not want to get in trouble at work if my kid caused trouble in town like you can in the military thats for sure.
     
  13. burg

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    the co-author of the study Brad J. Bushman, Ph.D was on Penn & Tellers ep Anger Management. quite like his thinking but cant help thinking lavishing praise on kids with high self confidence may have some bad effects that didnt get measured .but its pretty cool study aye.
     
  14. Simple Thoughts

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    "Chain of Command' is counter-productive to progress. It doesn't matter what ideas/thoughts 90% of the people in your organization have because they are bottom of the barrel, and therefore they don't actually have the right to opinions only the older general can make decisions and he never listens to anyone besides himself because in 'Chain of Command' his opinion is the only one allowed to matter. -.-'

    Not to mention things like 'military rape' happen with nothing stopping them because of 'chain of command' as well.

    Then you should know that our military has lost ( I don't mean wasted, I don't mean stole, I mean they don't know what happened to it ) 8 trillion dollars since 96' and guess what? That's half our deficit. The military, thanks to the blind following position of 'Chain of Command' has managed to lose what could've been used to pay off half our deficit 0.0

    ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2014 at 01:17 PM ----------

    You'd think it might cause narcissism or something lol
     
  15. femivir

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    My daughter, when she was little, could distinguish between what she considered "real" praise and what she perceived as patronizing praise. "C'mon, that wasn't THAT special...."

    she would get annoyed at the latter.
     
  16. Simple Thoughts

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    She sounds like a smart girl :slight_smile:
     
  17. burg

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    yea lol maybe a mild version:icon_wink:icon_wink, the co author writes about narcissism so i should give him cred.i do think people need to embrace their mistakes if they want to progress.basically recognise we are all fallible.and not engage in mental gymnastics justifying how great they are.
     
  18. Bibliophile

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    Ok having never served these are bold words buddy. First of all innovation and problem solving are ALL highly encouraged in the military. The chain of command listens to its junior people because we are the ones actually doing the work so they know that we often have a better handle on it then they do. Sure you get the occasional toolbag that uses rank as a shield to avoid opinions other then his own but guess what that happens in the normal workplace as well.
    Insulting the military by claiming it does nothing about rape has my eye twitching right now boss because I have SEEN first hand what happens. First thing they do with anyone one accused of such a crime is remove them from being on their ship or duty station real fast because if word spreads often the accused might just meet with an "accident" if they dont. Believe me we take care of our own and if you wrong one of out people we do not take to it kindly. Has there been incidents of cover up YES. However every time I see this rash of them guess what THEY ARE AT THE SAME COMMAND. That means yes there is a bad command that is doing terrible things. Just like I could point to companies coming covering up sexual or other types of harassment. Its NOT a military or chain of command thing, its a set of bad people you can find that anywhere.
    And finally yes there is poor budgeting. This is at the DC level where its politicians not real servicemen. These are pentagon pukes that have spent so much time with congress that they are politicians at that point. Its rare to see anything like that at the command level. For one because we hardly ever have all the supplies we need to do the job. You have NO idea the crap I have had to improvise to get through an underway let alone my brothers in cammo having to field improvise things while at war. This lost money you are talking about is lost by the same idiots that lose the rest of the budget thats missing politicians in Washington.
    If you have not served speaking about military culture is a really foolish thing because unless you have been in the field all you have are news reports that are made to sell copies. You never get the facts or at least never enough of them and you can never understand what the day to day life is to make any kind of informed judgement call.
     
  19. Simple Thoughts

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    Agreed.

    ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2014 at 01:03 AM ----------

    Well clearly I've pushed some buttons friend. My apologies on that I was hardly looking for a fight. -.-'

    Now to matters at hand.

    I can admit I may be guilty of generalization towards the military as a whole here, but I do stand by my thought here for many reasons.

    First off you're absolutely right I've never served in the military, and I don't intend to. I am not about to get involved in what I consider at best "questionable business' Please note it's not really anyone doing their duty in the armed forces this applies to. It's more the people deciding where our military is and what they are doing which makes me not even wish to consider serving. I disagree with almost everything we're doing abroad at this point and will probably not be changing my mind on that anytime soon.

    Second, just like in anything else people with a fancy title to their name are exempt from rules. I don't really know why, but they just kind of get a free pass on what they do, and it usually causes problems. Generally though you have to have some money before you're immune to justice, but still...

    As to the rape issue, it's been a topic of discussion I've heard more than once. Just because you don't personally see any validation in journalism doesn't mean the information is less true. I don't know who you normally deal with, but I do this crazy thing called 'fact checking' I've never just assumed anything I've read to be true. I'd go and try witnessing it first hand, but that requires me to get involved in, like I said earlier, things I wish never to endorse in any way/shape/form...maybe if we get a reliable commander in chief and stop having our military turn up in shady business like they have been since Bush took office ( and ongoing since Obama took office ) I'd consider -.-'

    Actually I'm compelled to agree with you on the budget thing. It probably is some hot shot dirt bags somewhere who don't even know what holding a weapon is like, but for some reason are deciding where military funds go. 0.0
     
  20. Bibliophile

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    Ill give you that your research might be better then mine at rape cover up so we can leave it at that. I just know that every sailor, soldier, and marine ive ever talked to would have a hard time not giving out premature justice if they ever heard of such a thing.

    As to what we are doing over seas yes you are 1000% correct. Its wrong, we have no business over there, and the countries we now occupy have NEVER been a credible threat to US citizens in at the very least the last 20 or 30 years so we shouldnt be there. Most people that are in service feel the same way except for at the very top. The only people that I've heard that want to go back are people that lost guys over there and are now angry and looking for revenge which is sad.
    The fact is that we have not had a legitimate reason to go to war in a LONG time. Our leaders have all but abandoned the principles we were founded on and its tanking us in a lot of ways.
    As for people of rank being exempt from some things yes but to a lesser degree then you might think. Also rank has the unfortunate side effect of being responsible for all those under your command. So if a junior sailor screwed up off base his chief now has to answer for this right along with him. Oh sure he might not get the same punishment but he get a chewing out and if it happens often enough maybe even a bat fitrep.
    Sorry for getting snappy but having ruined a marriage and sending a friend home in a body bag when it seems that people are disrespecting the military in a broad stroke I get a little overly sensitive. I've seen and heard a lot of bashing of good people that give up more then most realize all because people fail to understand what we go through and what we have to give up to serve. So again I was overly sensitive and I hope I didnt get too snippy.