Hello everyone, I've found myself in the situation that I've been asked out by multiple people (both male and female, not that it's relevant to my question). I ended up waiting for a bit, after some time I asked two of them out. But this means I'm dating multiple people, on my own initiative. I'm not quite sure if that's okay. I like to think that a first date is like a 'first meeting': it's the first time you get to know the other person in a more romantic setting. You're trying out of that will work. If it works out, great! You can go on a second date! If things don't work out, you can stay friends. I'm a big fan of freedom, so I do like this idea. On the other hand I feel guilty. Maybe a 'date' is a big thing after all, and I'm being unfair to both of them. The guy is in my class, so that will make things complicated, the girl (or woman, I must say, she is a bit older) is a member of my student's union, she is way more chill about things. Since we haven't even been on one date, I thought it is cool and that I am overreacting things. Plus there is the factor that I am a bisexual, dating both a guy or a girl (based on their personality, not on their gender, I don't want both at the same time!). Totally living up to the stereotype here :icon_sad: I didn't plan it did way! They just happened to be cool people! What do you think, am I being unfair? Or is dating multiple people totally cool, as long as you make up your mind quickly while dating them. I was planning to choose as quick as possible. Have you ever dated more than one person at the same time? Thanks in advance :icon_bigg
'Wrong' depends on a lot of factors. Personally, I couldn't justify it, at least not without telling both parties before meeting them, because otherwise it potentially complicates things, but that's only the way I see it and doesn;t mean you should. However, if you are feeling guilty about it, then something about the situation is bothering you, and perhaps you should give it some deeper thought before you go ahead. After all, you might find you get on really well with both of them and can't choose and have to keep it up!
Crap!!! Am I'm the only person here who's moral compass spins or am I the only person not ashamed of admitting it? It seems everybody else always gives the politically correct answers. That said, the point of dating is to meet new people. I see it like taking a car for a test drive. If you are just dating and aren't having sex I see no problem with dating more than one person. There is even a term for it. It's called"playing the field". Let's face it most of the time a relationship never gets past a couple dates. If you get to the point of sex then dating more than one person is a dick move.
If everyone is sort of testing the waters, no. If one person believes that you are "exclusive" and you have done nothing to defuse this incorrect belief, then yes.
@redneck I don't think political correctness has anything to do with it, we just see dating differently.
I agree - my (older) friend always had a policy of "a date is just a date" and was happy to go on dates with multiple people within a short space of time as she just saw dating as a way of meeting new people and trying things out. However, she always discussed this with them first. If you feel uncomfortable with the idea of dating more than one person, you should definitely at least talk to each of them about it to check they share your view on dating. It's not fair to lead someone on if they think you are in an exclusive relationship, but if you are all comfortable with the concept then there is no problem. It's just what works for each particular person - there is no right and wrong.
I agree with this entirely. In my opinion, it's ok to date multiple people at once, provided they're aware of it. I think a lot of dating rules are more than a little insane anyway, and people are way too posessive of each other. Why should you need to stick with just one person until you get tired of each other, especially in the early stages of dating? Dating doesn't always lead to relationships anyway, and anyone that gets that romantic that quickly is probably trouble. But those are my rules and instincts, not everyones. ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2014 at 05:58 PM ---------- This.
^This. Especially the part about political correctness. Dating more people should give you an exponentially higher chance of getting laid, right? (Of course, there's also an exponentially higher chance of getting an STD, so use protection to protect yourself from pain without end.) Keeping it a secret, however, will just complicate things. Ask them. Do not beat around the bush.
It's not just this thread. There are a lot of threads where I break a line of "politically correct" answers. Btw saw where you posted you are beginning to live as your feminine self the other day. Congratulations!
It's only wrong if you've both decided to date each other exclusively. Sometimes that decision takes a while. Sometimes it is a pretty quick decision. A problem can happen when one person thinks you're exclusive and the other one doesn't.
Authenticity is everything. As long as you are clear that you're openly dating and going to be dating multiple people, then everything is out in the open and there shouldn't be any problems. Someone who gets butthurt because you're going on a date with someone else is not someone you're going to want to be dating anyway because they're going to be clingy. The flip side is, you owe it to the other people you might be dating to let everyone know when you decide to be exclusive with one person. Even though a lot of people may do so, It's not cool to just stop responding to texts or calls when you start seeing one person. It's always awkward and a little uncomfortable to have any of these sorts of conversations because they involve vulnerabilty: putting ourselves out there and risking being rejected. But that's what authentic relationships are about and vulnerability becomes easier the more we practice it.
I don't see this as wrong your just dating to see who is the best person for you , I think it's best if you just tell them before hand and it's only dating it's not like your in a relationship with both of them .
Do they know this? Would it hurt them if they found out you've done this? Are you lying to them about how you're approaching your dating life? Once you answer those above questions, And you think they'd be down for it, I think it's fine
It is whatever you believe it to be. It may sound cheesy, but there is no universal right and wrong. If all parties are okay with it, then go ahead and do it. But if either you or somebody else objects, then you're treading dangerous ground.
