Recently, I've been on a few chat and dating apps/sites (including a certain one I think a lot of gay guys here may use) and am quite surprised at how many gay couples are supposedly in open relationships. I never doubted some people would be, but I never assumed supposedly so many would be. Now, I understand that I may ultimately be getting a disproporniate, warped view of things, but on the whole, do you know if open relationships are that common, either in straight or gay circles? And at the risk of starting a controversy, do you think you could enter an open relationship. Personally, I don't feel that I'd be comfortable doing it. Although I'm far from conservative overall, I do have relatively traditional views on relationships in the sense that only two otherwise unattached people should engage in them, whether it be a quick fling or a 50 year marriage.
Well it depends on how open you mean. There are a lot of different ways that this could be played out. For example you could be totally open, where each partner is free to bring home whomever they wish. You could be open with rules such as each partner doesnt want details or that it can never happen in the home. You could be open for adding a third or more party to the bedroom but NEVER without each other. The list goes on really.
Well, there is a bit of confirmation bias at work, here. Who is on those sites/apps? People looking for other people to date/have sex with. Evidently, those people will be either single, or in a relationship that allows dating/sleeping with other people. So, going on those sites, you'll not be finding many people saying "I'm in a closed relationship and not looking for something, but just posting up a profile here!". So... don't be tempted to look at dating sites as, say, facebook. They're not generally places where everyone has a profile. They cater to people looking for something, and those people tend to come disproportionally from non-closed relationships. (Also, I guess some people are also of the "I decided it's an open relationship and I'm allowed to have fun on the side. I just haven't told my boyfriend about it" variety). Personally, I don't think I could manage an open relationship. I like having a special connection be special and unique, and once I have that, I don't seem to more on the side. Also, I sometimes feel like one relationship is already a full-time extra job (a really fun one, but still: it consumes more time than I ever thought possible), so I don't know where I'd find the energy to have other people That said, I'm not theoretically opposed to them. At this stage in my life, it's definitely not what I want/need, though.
I'd be open to poly. Both romantic and sexual. The rules being that it must be agreed. No cheating. I'd also be open to a group relationship too. But I don't feel an urge for it, so I don't care if my partner isnt interested.
Like Filip said, those kind of sites will have a much larger proportion of open relationships. It's out there, but not extremely common. It's not easy to find someone with the same type and amount of interest and to make it work smoothly for the long term. Plus, like Bibliophile said,there are different kinds of "open". I know of some couples, including the one I'm in, that are focused on the main pair but have occasional sex with other people under certain conditions. I've with this person for almost 15 years. We've talked about having a third person in our relationship full-time, but haven't done much about it.
I have had two different types of open relationships. First, when I was married to my ex, he opened our marriage, after I asked for a divorce, because he threatened me that if I attempted to divorce him, he would make sure he would get full custody of our kids, and I would never see them again, because I was a Lesbian. Even though he was TG, he would lie about it,(he was pre-opt) and so would his friends, saying he was actually straight, and I would be proven unfit(I do live in the Midwest and this was a over a decade ago, so yes, it did happen to other LGBT people)So, I was 'allowed' to have a girlfriend if he could have one. I was so frightened to leave, and I was so trapped that I took him up on his 'generous' offer. It was an awful, awful time for me and once I talked to several attorneys about what he said, I found out that it would not happen and I proceeded with the divorce. For obvious reasons that didn't work to well. The second time was with another girl. We decided the two of us would have an open relationship as long as we used protection, and told each other honestly, that we were seeing or sleeping with others. Our relationship would, of course, be primary. I was very happy with the deal, and even though she had other lovers, she became very jealous of the one other one I decided to take. She started to demand things of me and I felt trapped. That did not work either. I personally still would be open to having an occational threesome, as long as we were all involved, and it was something my wife desired. My wife is not comfortable with it, so we decided Monogomy would be the best option for us.
No, couldn't do it. I've always felt I could only be emotionally attached (ie: love) person, and would expect the same in return. Personally I'd see an open relationship as almost a form of cheating...something I could never go for.
I've done this in two online relationships i had and both did not work out to good for me . I just learned the hard way that i'm a one woman type of girl and sharing is not for me .
I've always been open minded about having an open relationship, but it's been difficult finding someone to go along with it. I've never been the jealous type and I believe that it is possible to love more than one person. However, I know a few people who are/have been in an open relationship and well, things didn't work out. Having an open relationship isn't for everyone, but it's something I'd most definitely consider.
I actually know quite a few people in open relationships, both online and in real life. It seems to honestly work for them, and I'm happy to see that. I think I *know* more about open relationships because I'm writing a novel about one, but personally I don't think I could do it. I fully admit that I get kind of clingy in a relationship, and while I'd probably be okay with it in general, in order to feel comfortable I'd probably constantly be asking questions and I'm sure it would get really annoying.
Not sure if this would be considered an open relationship, but I wouldn't mind trying a relationship with three people. Me, a boy and a girl. And we could love each other dearly but also be comfortable enough to experiment with other people. I guess I'm just thinking about having a friend group that likes to kiss and cuddle each other LOL
Lets go to the other meaning of cheating, the meaning it has when you say 'we where playing poker and he cheated" Cheating means breaking the stablished rules in an agreement... A monogamous relationship have in it agreement the rule that sex cannot happen outside the relationship, therefore having sex with someone outside a monogamy is breaking a rule, therefore is cheating, playing in a way that the game doesnt permit... On the other hand an open relationship doesnt have that rule, so having sex with other people is not cheating.
