He's gay its okay. - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

27th Jun 2008, 09:54 PM

I hate it when girls say stuff like that. Like I'm completely in the closet with maybe some suspectants but wish to remain in the closet. But the thing is i am bi, not gay. So obviously i like girls still. But in my mind for girls, it would be a turn-off for me to be gay so i stay closeted. But certain girls say stuff to me like, "your like our gay friend", or, "would your mom let him sleep over if we told her he was gay?". Like this shit pisses me off. Like there is a seperate trust layer for the fact that i like penis or not. And then girls are like , "your like a brother". I dont want to be these girl's brother's. I want to build up a relationship where there is an actual boyfriend-girlfriend status. Then when they decide I'm brotherly material how do i turn back from that. What i think is to lose some of their trust and gain it back in a different way. Like by being an asshole or something.

Like this girl tonight, I kind of sort of like her. So im sending hints and stuff the way i know. But idk if im nervous or something or what, but i cant advance past the flirty into the intimate. I would like to, but i dont know how (i guess). So by the end of the night shes laying her head on my stomach on a couch,

>SIDE QUESTION<
Does anyone else think it would be akward if i wouldve kissed her then? Like with me having no actual said knowledge if she likes me or not? I mean i couldve taken that risk, but i personally dont want to make her feel uncomftorable. But she might've like it so idk.

>back to main paragraph<
and we are just kind of talking about stuff. Then she's like, "Peter your like a brother from another mother". I'm thinking, i dont want that, i want to be with you.

Do you think its mayb because the way i flirt? Like my take on it is that these girls are used to being with assholes and when they talk to a guy that's actually nice like myself they think he's trying to be brotherly. Its like no, im trying to treat you like a women and have manners and actually take interest in what your telling me.

So tell me what you think

LOVEjames · 27th Jun 2008, 10:06 PM

If they think that you might be gay, you should really just come out of the closet as bi and just be honest about it. And if you want to be with just that girl, then you can just tell her. I think that kissing her right then would have freaked her out quite a bit. I'm not really sure what to say other than that, if they think that you're gay, then they aren't going to receive any of your signals.

As a side note, when I first saw this thread, I was thinking of all the times that I heard that, and it was mostly from my friend's mother to my friend's father, who didn't believe I was gay. One time I invited a girlfriend to sleep over at my house because it was late and everything, and her parents were on the phone arguing about it (my friend called them and it was on speaker), and her mother said, "Are you kidding me? You can't fake being that queer! He's flaming!" - I totally burst out laughing. >_>

Tokarov · 27th Jun 2008, 10:36 PM

"Your like my brother from another mother..."

That line SUCKS.

Since I'm sitting next to my lady friend, she says that if she thinks of a guy as a brother, she doubts it can grow into anything more. She thinks of lots of boys as brothers/best friends, but she wouldn't date any of them. <-- This coming from a straight girl.

BUT not all girls are the same. That's just her.

I think you should have gone for the kiss. I mean, whats the worse that could happen? I don't know...maybe a kiss on the cheek, to send a signal that you like her more than a friend.

"He's gay its ok" I HATE that line. Once I was with one of my friends and she had to go change in the locker room. the Girl's P.E. Teacher was there and she flipped out like "WHAT IS HE DOING IN HERE?!" And my friend said "It's ok, he's gay" And the teacher said "oh" and walked away. SO WHAT IF I'M GAY!? I'm a guy, I shouldn't be in here!

You know, the girls that I ask wouldn't mind dating a Bisexual guy. Truth be told, If the girl is like "omg no ew you like guys too" then is it really worth it? I mean, as long as your faithful to HER then it shouldn't really matter that your bi.

Well, that's my two cents anyway. Good Luck Man!

joeyconnick · 28th Jun 2008, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tokarov

"He's gay its ok" I HATE that line. Once I was with one of my friends and she had to go change in the locker room. the Girl's P.E. Teacher was there and she flipped out like "WHAT IS HE DOING IN HERE?!" And my friend said "It's ok, he's gay" And the teacher said "oh" and walked away. SO WHAT IF I'M GAY!? I'm a guy, I shouldn't be in here!

But the whole basis for you not being in there is because they assume a guy is straight and would therefore be sexual interested in what was going on, so really them being okay with you being there is a really good thing, because they're aware enough to realise what the basis of the restriction is and that you don't fit it. If they were like, "Ewww no, he's a boy!" they'd be totally missing the point... and they'd be being idiotic.

It doesn't mean they think you're less of a guy; they just think you're a different type of guy, which a gay guy (and even a bi guy) is. Although granted, it would be different if a bi guy were in the women's changeroom, obviously.

joeyconnick · 28th Jun 2008, 03:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ppreston9

I hate it when girls say stuff like that. Like I'm completely in the closet with maybe some suspectants but wish to remain in the closet. But the thing is i am bi, not gay. So obviously i like girls still. But in my mind for girls, it would be a turn-off for me to be gay so i stay closeted. But certain girls say stuff to me like, "your like our gay friend", or, "would your mom let him sleep over if we told her he was gay?". Like this shit pisses me off. Like there is a seperate trust layer for the fact that i like penis or not. And then girls are like , "your like a brother". I dont want to be these girl's brother's. I want to build up a relationship where there is an actual boyfriend-girlfriend status. Then when they decide I'm brotherly material how do i turn back from that. What i think is to lose some of their trust and gain it back in a different way. Like by being an asshole or something.

Like this girl tonight, I kind of sort of like her. So im sending hints and stuff the way i know. But idk if im nervous or something or what, but i cant advance past the flirty into the intimate. I would like to, but i dont know how (i guess). So by the end of the night shes laying her head on my stomach on a couch,

>SIDE QUESTION<
Does anyone else think it would be akward if i wouldve kissed her then? Like with me having no actual said knowledge if she likes me or not? I mean i couldve taken that risk, but i personally dont want to make her feel uncomftorable. But she might've like it so idk.

>back to main paragraph<
and we are just kind of talking about stuff. Then she's like, "Peter your like a brother from another mother". I'm thinking, i dont want that, i want to be with you.

Do you think its mayb because the way i flirt? Like my take on it is that these girls are used to being with assholes and when they talk to a guy that's actually nice like myself they think he's trying to be brotherly. Its like no, im trying to treat you like a women and have manners and actually take interest in what your telling me.

So tell me what you think

Hmmn... I think your orientation listing pretty much says it all: if you honestly think that you like guys for sex but only think you could have a real relationship with a woman... well... wait 5 years and get back to me then.

It's a really common but really incorrect perception of young guys who are gay or bi, that only with women can they form lasting, meaningful relationships, and honestly it's just based on ridiculous gender stereotypes of both men and women.

Obviously no one likes to be rejected with the whole "but I think of you more as a friend" line, which is what you're getting, albeit in a slightly more elaborate form. But truly? Everyone gets that and even if you weren't bi, you'd still get some variation of it, so it's not like you're facing something special.

It is true that some girls do seem to think that men should treat them relatively poorly at least some of the time, so that could be what you're facing, but then every nice guy faces that, not just the bi ones. I think you'll find in your case the girls you're interacting with are just picking the most obvious reason to keep you at a distance and even if you were straight, they'd still not be into you that way and you'd be getting pretty much the same line.

Plus... if I remember correctly from some of your previous posts, it sounds like you get a lot of play with guys, so while it still sucks to be rejected by someone you're interested in, you're in a way better situation than some guys who just don't get any intimate attention from anyone, right?

Trumpetplyer23 · 28th Jun 2008, 06:15 AM

Hehe...um, I have a lot of guy friends. I love hanging out with them, but I'd never date them because I look at them like brothers. I just think it'd be weird if I started dating my best guy friend without having liked him before we became really close. But that's just me and my numerous trust issues.

I think most girls think that when guys try to be their friends, they're trying to get in their pants. So, when they become friends with a guy who doesn't seem to be interested in them that way (the guys could even be straight) they want to keep it that way, even if the guy figures out that he likes her....It's weird like that, and the girl might figure out she has feelings from him. Trust me I've seen lots of straight-guy, straight-girl friendships evolve into relationships.

You can be nice and still get girls. Personally, as a bi girl, I'd rather be with a nice, sweet guy, instead of jerky asshole guy.

Advice, you don't neccesarily have to come out of the closet to be with them. Sure it helps the trust in the relationship and everything, but it's not required. Girls don't make you fill out little application sheets to apply to be their boyfriend. So, I think you should tell your friend that you're interested in her. Don't like, compeletely come on to her or anything but just tell her that you feel attracted to her.

Maybe she only says "You're like a brother from another mother" because she likes you but thinks you don't feel the same way. So, just go for it.

-Michael- · 28th Jun 2008, 07:18 AM

Haha i thought i had this problem.
Like i knew that my girl friends just thought of my as a brother.
Then i relised didnt care.
If i like a girl, i act differently so we're rather friends or more...
No brotherly non-sense.

My advice is to tell your close friends.
They can hint at other girls that you like them.

28th Jun 2008, 09:38 PM

Yeah i just think these girls are used to being treated crappy and then when i actually respect them and listen to them they think something other than what i want. Maybe they just dont know i like them. So i should tell some friends like said in posts above. Or just drop bigger hints and be more of a player. Work my bod. lol

27th Jun 2008, 09:54 PM	#1
ppreston9 Guest Posts: n/a	He's gay its okay. I hate it when girls say stuff like that. Like I'm completely in the closet with maybe some suspectants but wish to remain in the closet. But the thing is i am bi, not gay. So obviously i like girls still. But in my mind for girls, it would be a turn-off for me to be gay so i stay closeted. But certain girls say stuff to me like, "your like our gay friend", or, "would your mom let him sleep over if we told her he was gay?". Like this shit pisses me off. Like there is a seperate trust layer for the fact that i like penis or not. And then girls are like , "your like a brother". I dont want to be these girl's brother's. I want to build up a relationship where there is an actual boyfriend-girlfriend status. Then when they decide I'm brotherly material how do i turn back from that. What i think is to lose some of their trust and gain it back in a different way. Like by being an asshole or something. Like this girl tonight, I kind of sort of like her. So im sending hints and stuff the way i know. But idk if im nervous or something or what, but i cant advance past the flirty into the intimate. I would like to, but i dont know how (i guess). So by the end of the night shes laying her head on my stomach on a couch, >SIDE QUESTION< Does anyone else think it would be akward if i wouldve kissed her then? Like with me having no actual said knowledge if she likes me or not? I mean i couldve taken that risk, but i personally dont want to make her feel uncomftorable. But she might've like it so idk. >back to main paragraph< and we are just kind of talking about stuff. Then she's like, "Peter your like a brother from another mother". I'm thinking, i dont want that, i want to be with you. Do you think its mayb because the way i flirt? Like my take on it is that these girls are used to being with assholes and when they talk to a guy that's actually nice like myself they think he's trying to be brotherly. Its like no, im trying to treat you like a women and have manners and actually take interest in what your telling me. So tell me what you think

27th Jun 2008, 10:06 PM	#2
LOVEjames \o/ Love! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 4.9 Out Status: Pretty out Location: Seattle, WA Age: 21 Posts: 1,075 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: He's gay its okay. If they think that you might be gay, you should really just come out of the closet as bi and just be honest about it. And if you want to be with just that girl, then you can just tell her. I think that kissing her right then would have freaked her out quite a bit. I'm not really sure what to say other than that, if they think that you're gay, then they aren't going to receive any of your signals. As a side note, when I first saw this thread, I was thinking of all the times that I heard that, and it was mostly from my friend's mother to my friend's father, who didn't believe I was gay. One time I invited a girlfriend to sleep over at my house because it was late and everything, and her parents were on the phone arguing about it (my friend called them and it was on speaker), and her mother said, "Are you kidding me? You can't fake being that queer! He's flaming!" - I totally burst out laughing. >_> __________________ La la la la la.

27th Jun 2008, 10:36 PM	#3
Tokarov Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Some people Location: Southern California Age: 20 Posts: 688 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: He's gay its okay. "Your like my brother from another mother..." That line SUCKS. Since I'm sitting next to my lady friend, she says that if she thinks of a guy as a brother, she doubts it can grow into anything more. She thinks of lots of boys as brothers/best friends, but she wouldn't date any of them. <-- This coming from a straight girl. BUT not all girls are the same. That's just her. I think you should have gone for the kiss. I mean, whats the worse that could happen? I don't know...maybe a kiss on the cheek, to send a signal that you like her more than a friend. "He's gay its ok" I HATE that line. Once I was with one of my friends and she had to go change in the locker room. the Girl's P.E. Teacher was there and she flipped out like "WHAT IS HE DOING IN HERE?!" And my friend said "It's ok, he's gay" And the teacher said "oh" and walked away. SO WHAT IF I'M GAY!? I'm a guy, I shouldn't be in here! You know, the girls that I ask wouldn't mind dating a Bisexual guy. Truth be told, If the girl is like "omg no ew you like guys too" then is it really worth it? I mean, as long as your faithful to HER then it shouldn't really matter that your bi. Well, that's my two cents anyway. Good Luck Man!

28th Jun 2008, 07:18 AM	#7
-Michael- Been gone a while. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: DragonPhoenixLightningAwesome Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Middlesbrough, North-east England Age: 20 Posts: 2,195 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: He's gay its okay. Haha i thought i had this problem. Like i knew that my girl friends just thought of my as a brother. Then i relised didnt care. If i like a girl, i act differently so we're rather friends or more... No brotherly non-sense. My advice is to tell your close friends. They can hint at other girls that you like them.

28th Jun 2008, 09:38 PM	#8
ppreston9 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: He's gay its okay. Yeah i just think these girls are used to being treated crappy and then when i actually respect them and listen to them they think something other than what i want. Maybe they just dont know i like them. So i should tell some friends like said in posts above. Or just drop bigger hints and be more of a player. Work my bod. lol