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Stuck in the closet

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Plumkin, Jan 14, 2014.

  1. Plumkin

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    I was just wondering if there was anyone here in a similar situation to me - stuck in the closet. For a few reasons... I don't think I've fully accepted the fact that I am gay. I can't come out to my family because all of my family connections are so strained. I'm basically estranged from most of my family already. I don't really have any friends either. I have one friend and I've known her for 20 years, but our relationship is also very strained at this point. We're sort of becoming friends again after being apart for about 3 years. I don't want her to think that because I'm attracted to women I'm automatically attracted to her or to hate me for any reason. I guess what it boils down to is that I'm afraid to come out to people because I don't want to lose them. Anyone else in the same (or similar) situation?
     
  2. Nikky DoUrden

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    I'm in the same situation as you kind of, but I already "come out" to friends I meet over the internet so its kinda the first step.
    I also intend after having more strong ground under me to come out to people at work maybe, and maybe to future-roomates :slight_smile:
     
  3. Jwis

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    Yes, I was in your exact situation and still am to some extent. I am pretty much the same age as you are and I have just started the coming out process and have told quite a few people.

    I have a great relationship with my immediate family, and my parents were fine with it when I told them. It was actually pretty anti-climatic. In general I found that it has improved my relationships, not made them worse. People like honesty, and when your honest with them I think it also makes you a better friend to them.

    I also have been selective in to whom I've told. I told people that I knew were not opposed to gay rights, marriage, etc.. I'm in the process of building a strong support network, when that is in place I won't care who finds out, or what they say. I'm almost to that point, almost.

    I have also seen a therapist. She has helped me a great deal. I was never really depressed, angry or suicidal, I just needed someone to talk to, and she was there. I made sure to find one sensitive to LGBT issues.

    I have entered the dating scene, while I have yet to find a long term boyfriend (fingers crossed, have a second date on Saturday!) I have actually made a few friends out of it.
     
  4. Motto

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    I'm not sure anybody is ever really stuck in the closet as in they can't come out, but obviously there are people that would experience MAJOR repercussions due to their coming out. I think you kind of have to weigh the good and the bad and do what is best for you in the circumstances that you are in. Sometimes isolation is worse than rejection. At least, that's how I feel. And you never know who might surprise you and stick close to you no matter what.
     
  5. rocketgirl1

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    I'm kind of in the same place as you but I have slowly started to accept who I am. I haven't started coming out yet and maybe you should try being more comfortable with your sexuality by informing your self with different information out there. It also helps to meet new people who are supporters of lgbt rights or gay people who are out. You and me will some day find the courage to come out but remember do it when you're ready. Try to find a local lgbt center so you can get informed and have support when you are ready to come out. But I do have the same fear of my friends thinking I might hit on them or that I will lose people and the fact is this they can't be your true friends if they can't accept the real you. You're not alone in feeling stuck but rest a sure when you're ready the world and those around you want be able to hold you back and you will meet tons of people who felt the same way as you once did. Keep your head up and remember there are people out there that will accept you for you and those are the most important people to have in your corner.