Who has encountered benevolent sexism?

I've had plenty of women call me 'sweety' and 'love' when I was walking around as a guy, does that count?

 

I don't think any sexism is benevolent. It might be well intentioned, but that isn't the same.

 

I've had older women call me that several times. I find it annoying but I don't see why it would be offensive in any way

 

Ha, who hasn't? I once had a guy who insisted on helping my dad move a washer/dryer set even though he had hurt his back and really shouldn't lift stuff, "Because I wouldn't want a nice little girl like you to get hurt," or something. I let him do, since he really wanted to help and hey, I hate moving stuff, so thanks, man. But I could easily have done it myself.

Ironically, after he left, we tried to turn on the car but the starter was acting up. Guess who push-started all 2,000lb of metal down the street? Yeah, me.

 

When I was little I had long hair, and I was constantly misgendered as a girl (not that I really cared). What has hit me, however, is that whenever I was considered a girl, I was talked to in a sickly-sweet voice (by grown men and women alike) and even the subject of conversation/words chosen were patronising, not just the tone. Whenever I was considered a little boy, I was spoken to in a far more natural and respectful way.

I've noticed that patronising terms such as "sweety" or "love" tend not to just be men saying it to women. It's more that in order for artificial and sickening tones/words to be accepted as normal, there has to be femininity on either side. Women say it to men/boys (less to men) and to other women/girls, but men only say it to women/girls. It's still skewed to women and girls being talked down to, but it's not exclusively at the hands of men.

 

I might slightly be guilty of this. If I'm walking towards the entrance of, let's say a restaurant, and there's a male behind me, I will open the door, walk in, and hold the door with my hand as I'm passing through so he can grab the open door. If it's a female, I will open the door, stand outside, and let her walk in first. Then I will enter behind her. I think this might count, and if so, I'm sorry. It's just how I was raised.

Also, if sitting at a table with women and men, and a woman stands to leave, I will stand up. But not for a male. It sounds weird typing it, perhaps I should stop doing this too :icon_redf.

 

OR you could start doing it for guys, 'cause it's not like doing those things is bad!

 

I call that being polite. Doing this is a convention in our society, it in no means implies that women can't open a door. If you went on to tell her how you're holding the door open because she's just too weak to do it herself, well yeah, that wouldn't be cool. But IMO, you're just fine.

 

But if it's only done to women by men, then it still carries the implications from which the custom was born; feminine weakness and need to be protected by men.

Something being a convention of society doesn't erase its discriminatory reality, no matter how ancient, ingrained, or well-intended.

 

I'm with ElliaOtaku.

I generally treat people the same. I've walked to a store with a man or woman on their way out and I will hold the door for either(and they've done the same for me).

 

I suppose you could make an argument for that... Personally, I pick my battles and this wouldn't be the one I'd pick lol, but that's just me.

 

I agree. The problem is all good boys are raised to be like this and it becomes second nature. Another example is that a gentleman always yields his seat to a woman (priority first to those with children, disabled, crutches, etc.). I once went to a church I didn't belong to and had a seat because I was early. Near the beginning of the service, it became standing-room only so I yielded my seat to the first lady I saw. Other men did the same until only men were standing. The thing is that there are many unwritten rules that underscore, as Aussie792 mentioned, an apparent weakness in the female sex.

The problem is that it's so hard to remove centuries of beliefs and practices from the psyche of a culture.

 

"The problem is that it's so hard to remove centuries of beliefs and practices from the psyche of a culture."

But it's not your job to DO that, only to remove the from your own.

 

In regards to door holding, I usually just go through it, and if someone is close behind me, I give it an extra push to make sure it stays open. If they're a couple of seconds behind me, I'll stay in the door until they can catch it. But opening the door and letting go in front is just patronising, particularly towards women.

 

I grew up in the deep south in the U.S., and this was just the way it was, way people were raised. Anybody hear the song "Southern state of mind" ? There's a bit of truth in that song.

 

Street harassment is very related, but definitely not in the same class as the "benevolent" sexist behaviours. It's one of the most creepy and disgusting things possible; to publicly declare a stranger your own and any man's property by whistling and otherwise harassing.

Another more pervasive things in benevolent sexism is the way in which men are applauded for recognising a woman's humanity. Media which depict the guy who finds the fat girl pretty as a hero, rather than just a decent person, are part of the problem; and also fuels the "nice guy" complex, the belief that ordinary politeness requires gratitude and appraisal from women. Which is essentially what some men's obsession with chivalry is from (despite the very clear fact that chivalry was related to social and military status and the deliverance of de-facto protection, often in return for service, basically making those whom the knight extended chivalry to his hostages, which is very different from opening a door for someone)