Feminine guys

cant stand the bitchy gobby ones it all about them but I do have mates who are the down to earth sort am sure you will find one .

 

Yeah, I also hate the bitchy ones :dry: but I believe there must be feminine down to earth guys out there somewhere. I have a friend who is kinda like that. So there must be more.

 

I find extroverted people difficult in general. But there are plenty of feminine guys who aren't. Like me. Though 'down to earth' isn't the phrase I'd use.

 

Just out of curiosity, what is your definition of "feminine"?

 

Well, I hate to break it to you, but feminine =/= camp, since there are an infinite number of ways femininity can be expressed in men. It would be like assuming that all masculine gay guys MUST be jocks, when that couldn't be any further from the truth, especially when most of us have traits of both.

If you're looking for a campy guy, specifically, perhaps you could try switching sites, or even getting to know a few in person (outside of the whole dating/club scene)? I know a few drag queens, for example, who act as mother figures, and help the young trans women with make up, clothes, etc.

And like you, I was originally put off by these types of guys, since a lot of them came off as bitchy, shallow, and air headed, plus, I had the misconception that they were playing up feminine traits as a way of insulting women. Some of them weren't worth my time, while others were misunderstood and great friends once I got to know them better. So it depends, really.

 

The only reason I asked was since I wasn't sure if you were looking for campy guys (who weren't air headed and judgmental), or non-campy feminine gay men. Either way, post #8 should cover my thoughts on the issue.

 

I think the problem is that you're looking at certain sites that might suits certain people so they are the kind of people you meet more?
Maybe try to search for someone in a more wide range of places

 

First off, I agree completely with gravechild that feminine and camp are two completely different things, a feminine guy can be camp, a camp guy can be feminine, but they are two separate characteristics that should not be conflated.

Secondly, I don't think it's right to stereotype either feminine or camp guys as all being a certain way.

Personally I'm somewhat feminine. I care a lot about fashion, I wear women's clothing, I wear many bright colorful outfits, I get manicures and facial treatments at the salon, I aspire to look androgynous.

And I actually I consider myself somewhat camp. Based on the way I dress and act sometimes, there really is just an essential absurdity to my lifestyle that can only be described as camp.

Yet I am a quiet, introverted person. While obviously it's up to other people to decide, I don't consider myself an airhead, based on my record in terms of being a high school and college graduate, combined with my very strong performance on standardized tests like the SAT, I don't think I am really unintelligent.

Yes I do like partying every so often. And yes, looks do form a significant component to my ability to be attracted to someone- though they certainly aren't the only thing.

But overall, I do think I am pretty down-to-earth person. (Actually I'm kinda a crazy person who's spaced out a lot and might seem like I'm from Mars at times ), but what I mean is that I'm a pretty laid-back person who is capable of having normal conversations with people (even if the things I say sometimes make me seem like I'm out in space ).

Personally I have trouble finding any guy, feminine, camp, or not, who I feel I can have a normal, down-to-earth conversation with. I can't stand guys who try way too hard to impress people and can't engage in a normal, honest conversation where we are both willing to acknowledge our flaws and just move past them.

 

Feminine men, masculine men, androgyne men; they're all assholes. Clearly not all of them, but my point is clear.

I can assure that all types of personalities and characteristics are going to have aspects that others will considering irritating or unpleasant. There is no more fault in one classification than another. People are just shitty ninety-percent of the time.

 

I'm not going to get involved in the discussion finessing the definition. So, as friends, to hang out with, have coffee or lunch, no problem. In terms of being attracted, then I'm not. But then I don't find bodybuilders, bikers, and other hyper-masculine extremes attractive, either. For the latter, socializing with them would be fine, too. The reality is that I seem to draw and am comfortable with those closer to my own style. It works like that in most aspects of life, if you scratch beneath the surface. So, it isn't as much of an acceptance thing as it is having things in common.

 

Just to get my yap in here, do you think there's is any point in attempting to parse the difference between "feminine" and "effeminate" when trying to understand the OP's sentiment? Because, probably just me, but "effeminate" was more immediately the word that came to my mind when reading about the guys the OP was describing, though he used "feminine". "Feminine" I would more associate with maybe transwomen, or at least crossdressers, who make a deliberate attempt to appear and present as feminine.

Or am I just opening up another semantic rabbit hole for us to plunge down?

 

I'm not like that....

 

Well the word that the OP was equating with "feminine" was "camp", a verbal equation I and others took exception to, as I don't think "feminine" and "camp" describe the same thing at all.

With regard to the word "effeminate", I'm actually quite glad the OP used "feminine" rather than "effeminate", as "effeminate" carries a negative connotation to it. The word "effeminate" is typically used in a derogatory fashion to describe a boy or man who acts like a woman. The implication being that there is something wrong or inferior about acting like a woman. (There really is no equivalent term to "effeminate" to describe a woman who acts like a man). So I think "feminine" is a preferable term.

 

Hmmm, didn't realize that. Hope no one was offended by my use of the word, things you learn... Back to your regularly-scheduled, feminine thread.

 

Oh no problem, don't worry about it. "Effeminate" is not offensive in like a slur kind of way, it's just that it carries a built-in negative connotation to it.

So if the OP had said "effeminate guys", then he would kinda be insulting those guys by subtly implying that they are less than men for being who they are.

 

My old friend Matt, who I met in 2007, is a nice feminine guy. He pretty much turned feminine when he found a "spine".