First off, I always try and look at myself critically when I become upset. Many times I'll ask myself, "why does this make you mad in the first place?". Well, it still makes me pretty angry. A girl that I have recently become friends with seems nice enough. We were in the same class and hung out quite a bit as we lived in the same residence hall. I had casually mentioned my gayness to her, which never was a problem from then on, with the exception of one time when a girl hit on her and she was grossed out. I saw her at a table with her friends in a pizzeria last night. After motioning for me to sit down with them, she proclaims "THIS IS MY GAY FRIEND, (my name here)". Needless to say, I smiled politely, got some names, and went back to my other friends. I can't really tell what specifically upset me. I am comfortable enough to have everyone I know that I'm gay. I guess what irked me the most was the fact that I wasn't her friend, I was her GAY FRIEND. Gay guys... (and anyone who maybe feels the same way). We have been a historically objectified group by many (but not all, of course) straight girls. I am not a purse, I am not a fashion consultant. I am not some one-dimensional creature for you to have as a pet. How do you combat something like this when it happens to you? Do you enjoy being the "gay friend" or do you shut it down? Any help on the matter would be greatly appreciated.
that dosent souund very nice, iv never had any troubles like this and trust me, my friends know that if they mentioned anything about me, then id mash them up. me and my friends share no secrets. tell your friend that you dont like her saying stuff like that. mabye she meantn it in a nice way.
I think she probably meant no harm and didn't want to offend you. Anyway I see that as a bit childish and the equivalent to gossip to be honest. So i think I would probably tell the person that that kind of comments are quite offensive because of three reasons: A- Being gay is just a part of me but I am many other things appart from that, B- If Iintroduce her as "my heterosexual friend *her name*", it would sound weird and unnecessary... it is the same in this case! C- It screams "We are friends so other people can see how cool and open-minded I am" I can see why women and gay guys can develop strong friendship bonds (which is nice). After all you won't be neither sexually atracted to each other, nor "competing" in any way. As a guy whose best friends are heterosexual guys I am not ashamed I would like to get some close female friends and be "the gay friend", but I would hate to be pidgeon-holed or labeled in any sense.
Hun, I completely understand you. My 'Girl' Friends do treat me like a purse, and a few of them have started to introduce me to new people by saying "Il est mon Pede" Which means "He is My Fag"-.- Ive started to ignore it, but what really pisses me off is that now, people are starting to call me "Le Pede" (the fag, or sometimes, the gay bitch) My advice would be to tell her what you just said....Just be a bit....more sensitive.. good luck(*hug*)
Julieno, Really good points. I very much agree with you. It's also discouraging to see that she likes to appear as "open minded" but in fact thinks lesbians are gross. It's kind of this weird halfway between accepting and ignorance... I hope that one day sexuality will only be defining within the parameters of when people are trying to date one another.
I agree with what Julieno said. In fact there's not much I can really add. If it pisses you off too much, just confront her about it.
justfacepalm, Thanks for the advice. Maybe I should give you the same too! Unless that is you don't actually mind it if you've let them repeatedly refer to you as such, some people find it endearing to be that identity.
Oh well, i may not have chosen the right words (sometimes my english fails me), what I meant is that she may have either not realized that introducing you like that was not a nice thing to do or even thought that she was being helpful. For example my flatmates asked me if I wanted them to tell the people I am gay directly.. Apparently they thought that It may be easier for me since I said I wanted to be open about it. I just told them that of course they can say it but only if it comes up somehow in the conversation. Do that makes a bit more sense? Maybe some of her other friends was gay and she was trying to set you up... (Unlikely but well, my flatmates have done something similar to me before). By the way I understand why yo are upset I am just trying to see things from different angles! Edit: Sorry I thought a previous answer was directed to me! I will leave this here anyway for consistency's sake! And yeah, your friend seems to be in a weird middle ground anyway, at least she seems the kind of person that may change her mind if she actually gets to now some lesbians better (Hopefully)
Might be imagining it, but I seem to see quite a lot of this condescending attitude toward gay guys from a lot of straight women. In fact, I have first-hand experience observing this sort of behavior when I was married. My wife and stepdaughter both would profess loudly that they "loved gay men", but would surround this statement with incredibly patronizing remarks, such as pronouncing how every straight girl needs a "gay sidekick" and giggle about which was the "woman" in the relationship whenever they saw a male couple. Admittedly, this attitude of theirs was never aimed at me (was always concealed very deeply in the closet). But you can bet witnessing such insensitivity from two people I loved very much only strengthened my resolve to remain in the closet. (FWIW, they still don't know about my trans/whatever-it-is issues.)
