So last night I was talking to my really good friend on Skype, I don't know how we got on the subject but we started talking about people going from gay and then back to straight. My friend is straight but she knows somebody who used to label herself a lesbian and now she is in a serious relationship with a guy, is getting intimate and everything like a normal heterosexual couple would. So I got really heated about it and said that I don't think that's possible, because if she was really a lesbian she wouldn't have gone into a relationship with this guy, you can't just decide to become straight or vice versa, your either born with those feelings or not. Then I said she must have labeled herself wrong in the first place, she was probably only homo-romantic and now realizes she is truly straight, but how one person can go from lesbian to straight I don't understand it. Where did those feelings go for the same sex they don't just disappear, if it was a phase she wouldn't have called herself a lesbian in the first place she would have labeled herself as bisexual or pansexual or curious. Then my friend said how I went from bisexual to lesbian so isn't it possible for it to be the other way around, truthfully I don't think it is. I get sexuality is fluid and it's not black and white so maybe this girl fell in love with a man by chance, but still how she could have sex with one if she was truly a lesbian in the first place. Then my friend said how she felt being a lesbian before now she feels being straight, but that's not the way it works. Then she said "TBH I find it unfair people say that when you're lesbian or gay, you're only being "confused" And those people are just being close-minded and I feel like what you guys are saying is like that too, in a sense it sounds like discrimination to straight people." What do you guys think? I think it's interesting, but I don't think she was a lesbian in the first place, maybe she labeled herself wrong and it was just a phase, but you don't see people having a gay phase much, most people are sure when they come out as homosexual that it is what they feel, I can't really wrap my head around it.
She might be some form of bisexual. Maybe she leans towards women, and that's why she thought she was a lesbian. Maybe she really is a lesbian and she's fighting it or this guy is very womanly? Lol. But in all seriousness, labels aren't really important. Do I believe you can be a lesbian and then suddenly change and be straight? No. Do I believe you can get your label wrong? Yes. It happens all the time.
I find it interesting how it's okay (amongst the LGBT+ community) for someone to go from being straight to lesbian/gay (mislabelling, whatever) but it's somehow impossible for someone who has misidentified as gay/lesbian to find out they identify are straight. Just a thought I had.
Some people change. Her feelings before could be genuine. Feelings can change though. Have you actually spoken to her? There is nothing in your post to indicate she identifies as fully heterosexual. It certainly happens. They will always downplay it but the number of 'gay now bi laters' is about a third of what the opposite is, across lifetimes. It is enough to be significant.
I'm just going to echo what everyone else here has said: she could be bisexual, or maybe mislabeled herself. Whatever happened, love matters so much more than labels. Maybe she was wrong about herself. Who cares? There seems to be this idea that she was somehow a traitor to the LGBT community because she fell for a guy, and that's not true. She's just doing what makes her happy, and it's not hurting anyone. I fail to see what that big deal is. Love is love.
Lol I definitely don't think she is a traitor, I could understand a lot more if she went from feeling as though she was a lesbian to being bisexual or pansexual, but going completely the other way is a little bit harder to understand, especially since my friend said she "felt" being lesbian back then and now feels like being straight, but my friend did tell me that is what she is now. I mean I've seen different sort of situations, and people who say they used to be a lesbian or what not, so it's not that crazy. I just thought it was interesting how this girl went from that and then changed her mind almost completely, but I can understand how she could have fell for him, because you can't help that.
I have personally found a lot of bi phobia out there in the gay community. And I have known someone who, 5 years ago, labelled herself as lesbian, and was adamant she would never go out with a man again. She is now married to a man. I have been asked numerous times "which one are you - lesbian or straight?", being asked to shove myself into a category. I don't even feel bisexual as a label fits me as it doesn't really represent who I am as a person, but neither fully does lesbian. However, at the moment I'm leaning towards lesbian. For me it's more about intensity of attraction, emotionally and physically. I find the female form and softness, and femininity, more attractive. But, I have been attracted to effeminate men in the past because emotionally they are very female. So what does that make me? Demi towards men, lesbian towards women, or how about pansexual? Or am I in a state of transition from bi to lesbian, as I let go of men who have been substitutes for me whilst I have been in the closet? Whatever labels we use, our sexuality, and how we understand and experience it, is important to us. Our sexuality, as sexual human beings, is valid, no matter what label we choose. All I can truly say is that I want to be in a full relationship with a woman at present. That is the truth of where I am, and does not demand me to make any unalterable statements which other people can comment "oh, but I thought she said she was...".
As long as she is happy and she's not denying her feelings for women to live a more 'normal' life than that's all that matters. I used to date this girl who claimed that she was gay, but the last time I spoke to her she was back with her kids father. I was devastated, but I moved on eventually. I had a really difficult time understanding how someone could turn off their same sex attraction, but it's proven that sexuality is fluid. So, I figured that was really bisexual or gay, but denying that side of her to live a more 'normal' life. I remember her specifically saying that she no longer had the 'urge' to be with a woman. In the end, I accepted things for what they were, because I know that you cannot help who you fall in love with.
Maybe he was or is her one exception . I mean I've heard of stories like this woman gay all her life then boom she gets married to a guy . or maybe one point she dated a guy then after it was over went back to being lesbian never liked another guy again . That could be it too or they probably could have been bi and just not know it . I guess sexuality is fluid in some people too .
I think the was bissexual with a heavy leaning towards women. Personally I don't think a person can change their sexuality that way. You just are who you are, but if you are completely a lesbian, there is no way in HELL you could sleep with a man. You just couldn't. A heterosexual woman just COULD NOT sleep with a woman, it would be ewww awkwards and no enough alchohol in the world. Thats my opinion. People mislable themselves or whatever. Someone may say "lesbian" or "straight" knowing full well they could find a man or woman attractive sexually and think it won't happen and then BOOM it happens and they go "oh well..." I have a friend who calls herself straight, but she has had sex with a woman before and enjoyed. To me she is not straight, she is bisexual with a heavy heavy leaning towards men. Very few people are strictly gay, lesbian or straight. Most sexuality is fluid in people, even if its only a 5% chance. I think I'm 98% lesbian with 2% bisexuality. I'd have sex with Eminem (Marshall Mathers the rapper) just to have his baby. Literally, for procreational purposes. I think that means I'm at least a little bisexual.
People don't go from gay to straight; they go from not understanding who they are to finally realizing their orientation and accepting it for themselves. This may look from the outside like they have "changed", but it is not their orientation that has changed, only how they present themselves to others. IMHO, of course.
I hate when straight women do that they have sex with tons of women and continue to but keep saying their straight but if that's how the choose to label themselves . I think those women are in deep denial. I mean Lesbian I tried sleeping with a guy when I use to label myself bi and I just couldn't do , I tried so hard couldn't bring myself to have sex I ended up pushing the guy away a few times , he got mad at me and I just left . Maybe I'm a 6 ? I don't know agreed
I thought I was only into men up until a short while ago and I'm 23 so I think preferences can change over time, when I was 13 I was really into emo type guys but now I prefer very masculine men, so if the 'type' of person you find attractive can change then why not the sex? Maybe your friend was only attracted to women before and so identified as lesbian just because she doesn't now doesn't mean she was lying then.
This reminds me of something that I heard growing up. "Gay, Straight or Lying". I have and still do hate this statement. Sexuality is not black and white. I have, for years viewed myself as straight, just straight. Nothing more nothing less., but recently I have come to the conclusion that I am in fact also demisexual. I know that this might be a big thing in some people's mind, but for me it was a huge realization that I still trying to get over. Years of say that I am simply straight, are now blown out the window, and I have to work through the fact, that this is simply not the case.
Yeah, this chick sounds like the opposite of me. Bi-sexual but leaning towards girls. I'm percent gay but, if the perfect girl came along I'd make it work...
I consider myself a lesbian though I've had sex and relationships with men. A part of it was to consider myself 'normal' but I also actually cared for the men I dated. Sexual activity was pleasurable with either sex but honestly, I found myself being unhappy with other aspects of the relationship when I dated men. It was like wearing a shoe that didn't fit correctly. Maybe she was bisexual and never knew. Maybe she found the one guy that she's attracted to. Stranger things have happened but I don't feel that she is a traitor or anything else. As long as she's happy, I don't think it really matters whether she's gay, straight, or an one-eyed purple people eater.
I think she was actually bisexual. Perhaps she did not come out as such, due to biphobia?! She did not label herself as heterosexual when she entered into a relationship with a guy, did she?!
