what does Demi- sexual mean?

Generally I've heard demisexual described as selective sexual interest, like not being interested in sex unless it is someone they care about and have and emotional bond with. That being said, I'm not demisexual so my apologies if I offended anyone or defined demisexual wrong.

I generally identify as bi, that being said I'm closer to pansexual. It really depends on how you define it. I've heard bi defined as an attraction for two genders and I've heard it defined as an attraction for people of your gender and other genders. The latter fits me better but often people don't except that so occasionally I define myself as pansexual.

 

For me it's the fact that I want to make love and be intimate with someone I love, and not just (for lack of a better term) get my rocks off. Now I'm not saying that all people just want to get off from sex, but I identify as demisexual because while, yes, I do enjoy sex just as much as the next guy, I'm more excited about pleasing my partner and being intimate with him than I am about having an orgasm. You know what I mean?

 

You did fine, don't worry. I am a person who identifies as Demisexual. I describe it, as that I do not experience sexaul atrraction unless there is an emotional component there first.This is not always the case, at least for me, for the most part, I would need the emotional component there first. I however, have not made it that far in anyone relationship so I can not describe what I will feel after the emotional component is there, but as of right now, this the definition that I find most suited to what I feel and believe about myself. A good place to go to for help on asexuality and terms is AVEN.

Here is the link for demisexuality Demisexuality

 

I'm not sure if it's your only physically attracted to people you have an emotional connection to, or if it's only being interested in sex if you have an emotional connection with that person.

^ There we go

 

It's when you lack sexual attraction/interest in someone unless you form a good connection emotionally and/or romantically.

You know how like, as a simple example, men/women can generally look at someone they consider hot and get all aroused and into talk of what they could do to/with them and all that? That kind of thing doesn't click with me.

I tend to enter a 'please shoot me' mode. I'm not into sexual talk anyways and end up in the background or just avoid it if possible.

I have yet to enter a relationship to see it work at force, but I do have an instance to share that got me thinking if it fit me(which it definitely seems to have). I had started talking to this guy who wanted to originally 'test me' and get me used to some things and stuff. He talked to me sexually, flirted like crazy, even got to the point where he decided to jerk off on skype and have me watch. What was funny was that, while he was pretty hot imo/had a nice body/etc., he was surprised to find out that it did not phase me sexually; I was indifferent to it all really. Only after I had talked to him a while about any and everything and formed that connection otherwise did he begin to pique my sexual curiosity. Unfortunately though, we had to part ways after a bit for personal reasons.

 

What kind of disservice is being done here exactly? I know what my true sexual orientation is so I don't see what is being bargained here honestly, yet I still label myself as such. Not sure where you pulled it into being a special snowflake situation, but eh.

 

Chip: I know they aren't recognised in official fields and honestly I doubt as to whether they should be, but they can still serve a good purpose through helping people describe themselves and know that they are not alone. Demisexuality is a label used in addition to homo/hetero/bisexuality, so it doesn't stop people accepting themselves. Just my thoughts, though.

 

^ Thanks Fiddle.

 

There is nothing that bothers me more than the accusations of "special snowflake" identities. If anybody should be against them, it should be me. Considering how many identities that I have gone through.

Contrary to what you have said, these identities let me explore who I am, with a bit of a safety net. By identifying first as pangender (which many people consider a "special snowflake identity") it allowed me to look at my masculine side, without the great amount of guilt and shame that I would've felt if I had just gone from female straight to male.

I also agree with what Fiddledeedee has said here.

 

You don't think its a credible idea that sometimes people have intimate physical relationships for other reasons than their genitalia fitting together their preferred way? I don't think its a stretch

 

The thing is, that many people that do identify as these identities are not trying to separate themselves from the rest of the population. They are just identifying with what label they feel best fits them. And to tell them that the label that they are identifying as is invalid is a huge disservice, and even offensive. I think that it's important that we try to respect everybody's chosen identities, no matter how ridiculous they sound. Instead of making comments criticizing and demeaning their identity, we should encourage people to explore their identities more. If we criticize their identities, it will just create the illusion that this is not a safe space, which is not at all what we are going for.

 

I fully support a person's right to self-identify in whatever way makes them comfortable.

Having said that, there comes a point when labels can hinder communication. If you tell an average person you're demisexual, you're going to have to explain -- potentially at length -- what that even means. You might as well skip straight to the explanation.

On this website, I've listed myself as Pansexual. But out in the world, if the subject of my sexuality comes up, I'll tell people I'm bisexual. Strictly speaking, it's the truth. And it's easier than having to explain that things like gender identity and biological sex don't really have an effect on how I feel about a person emotionally or sexually.

 

It is pretty offensive when we're implied to be crazies just for identifying as a label we feel best fits us(which isn't even causing any harm and is easier to understand in this case). As Fiddle pointed out, it's one that is used in addition to being bi/homo/hetero, like how you can identify as any of those and asexual, so it doesn't necessarily have to involve being confused with one self nor does it mean we are being kept from discovering our true identities anyways(the opposite actually).

What's unhealthy, honestly, is jumping on the 'you're a special snowflake' bandwagon in regards to someone who doesn't feel they quite fit an official term(that is more or less a secondary term anyways that actually makes more sense than it is getting credit for and isn't harming anyone, imo).

@Mr Scratch It's a bit easier to grasp, if you ask me, than something like pansexuality but I see your point. It isn't something that we necessarily have to have a neon sign about, but can explain should the need arise. Try explaining, as an example, genderqueer to the average person and they will probably look at you like you have seven heads.

 

What does special snowflake mean ?

 

I'm going to agree with Chip here.
I mean, it allegedly originated on an internet forum in some sort of RP.
I don't get how RP works, but...

 

I have to disagree with you and I actually find what you are saying, as quite harsh. By saying that Demisexuality is not a "real" identification, you are taking away my identity. I do not belong to the straight community because I am demi, and now you are saying that I do not belong to the GSM community, because I am just a "special snowflake". Okay, I am special, we are all special in our own way, but to call someone a "special snowflake" is way over the line.

Oh by the way, identifying as Demisexual is not doing me a disservice, if anything it has been helpful. I know have a title for how I feel, I didn't have that before. I felt strange and different and that there was something that was wrong with me. Now I know that there isn't, there are other people like me. There has to be, if there is a label for it. When I came to this conclusion, everything made sense, it was lightbulb moment. I do not understand why you would take that away from someone. You do not know know the journey that I have gone through to get to this point. So how dare you try to say that my journey, or anyone else's journey that has led them to identifying as Demisexual is any less valued than someone's else, just because it is a different journey. I would not say that your journey was any less valued because it was different than mine, so what gives you the right to say that about me or anyone else who is Demi? I do not care if you are an admin, you do not have a right to say that what we identify as, as an invalided or a "special snowflake" identity.