It seems to me like a lot of people (now I might be talking to everyone, some people, or no one on this site) don't understand what asexuality is. SO I'M GOING TO HELP Y'ALL. Ready? Go! Definition: a sexual orientation where the person is not sexually attracted to anyone. But Katniss, what does this mean? It means that we don't find anyone sexually attracted. For example, we can (most of us) recognize when people are hot, but we don't find people hot. We don't really think about people in the sense that we want to have sex with them. So in other words, we're the world's most reliable boy/girlfriends! Who wouldn't love us? Now here are some questions that the asexual community receives: So you do you even masturbate???!!111!? Am I asking you if you masturbate? No, so why are you asking me? Well, since you've asked I'll provide the best answer that I can. Some do, some don't. Libido, or sex drive, is very different from sexual orientation. You can be hetero- or homosexual and not masturbate, or have a low sex drive, or a high sex drive. It's the same with asexuality. The only difference is ours isn't really aimed at anyone. It's just...there. Do you ever have crushes? Romantic orientation is very different from sexual orientation (as you all know on this site). For example, I am bi- (homo?) romantic. And you, my dear sexual friend, can be hetero/homosexual and be biromantic. Is this, like, unnatural? Uh....no. Take a look at all the species on Earth. There are a lot of things happening there. Hell, spiders have a generally homosexual population as a form of population control. Asexuality is natural; yes, uncommon, but natural. That's what plants do. You're celibate. No, celibacy is a CHOICE. Asexuality is an ORIENTATION. I don't know what else to tell you. So you're a virgin, right? Not necessarily. Just because there's no sexual attraction doesn't mean people won't do it for one reason or another. But how can you know if you've never had sex? When you were fourteen you knew you were straight/gay/bi, right? Had you had sex when you were fourteen? Hope not. You just haven't met the right person yet. How many of those one night stands and two month relationships were the right people? Are you religious? No. I'm asexual. So those are my thoughts and I hope I've cleared it up for some of you. Any fellow aces want to complain, I feel you. Go asexuality.
Clear; though if I may ask a question (which you do not have to respond to), in your opinion if asexual people masturbate, in your experience or from what you know, what is it that is happening in that state? Is it just stimulation, or is there any mental component to it at all, if so when you say it is not aimed at anyone, is it aimed at anything or group at all, or yourself, or depends on the time, or there is no mental component to it?
Personally, I don't masturbate often, however from my experience, so I can't speak much for others, I don't really get aroused by thoughts. It's more if I'm reading something erotic, (so I'm sure for some people porn, though I don't watch it) or if rarely the thought of something (I have a sex drive, just a low one) turns me on, I guess. It's not really aimed at anyone, whereas from what I've gathered people generally fantasize? It's more of imagining a situation but not really putting a face to the partner. Or even really putting myself in it. It's more the idea of it. Did that make sense?
*claps* Good post girlonfire. Speaking from just my own experience, it can be a mixture. Stimulation and a mental component were prevalent for me during adolescence. When I was coping with my attractions to guys and how my body was handling these changes with hormones. It took me quite a few years to process that although the stimulation is pleasant, it doesn't really reflect the reality. The euphoria of masturbation can give the illusion of sexual attraction when thinking of someone, or some erotic situation during times of stimulation. Once the deed is over however, the illusion is gone as well, leaving no desire for actual sexual contact with someone else. Some might just consider it a release. A simple bodily function that can be dealt with if chosen to.
Oh goodness I'm in love with this post. I wish I understood half that much about asexuality at your age, wow. I was so clueless. I wish an FAQ like this was available to everyone who might not understand.
I think it's more of a general response to sexual stimuli, because you can be aroused without being attracted, particularly since the physiological response, of blood moving to genitalia in particular, can happen just by manipulating the area which is aroused. Asexuals also don't tend to fantasise about real individuals when masturbating, or even anything at all. It's mainly just for release. Also... why must sexual attraction be so nebulous.
Isn't the "sexual orientation" status of asexuality still being researched? I get the impression that some of the experts are still in disagreement over this. My own research has been limited, I know that a number of physicians and psychologists struggle trying to distinguish the difference between true asexuality and hypoactive sexual desire disorder, which is medically recognized as a treatable condition (although treatment does not always involve increasing sexual desire, but rather helping couples learn to cope with it and adapt to it). With medical professionals still trying to sort the distinctions out amongst themselves, how does one know whether they're truly asexual or if they're suffering from something like HSDD? And does it even really matter to you whether or not it's something that could be treated? For the sake of nipping potential misunderstands in the bud: I'd like to point out that I myself saw a therapist for a number of years about the fluidity of my sexuality, but my intention in doing so was never to "cure" it or change it, only to better understand it and come to terms with it. I'm in no way suggesting that asexuality is something that needs to be "cured", I'm just asking some general questions for the benefit of expanding my knowledge on the subject.
The thing I always wondered about asexuals is how do you tell the difference between romantic attraction and friendship? For example, I'm not asexual, so when I'm romantically attracted to someone, I'm also sexually attracted to them, which means I want to kiss them and their body turns me on. If you don't experience that, how can you tell it's romantic attraction?
Well, it is a tricky subject to address because of the 'lack of desire' phrased with both HSSD and asexuality. If I had to explain it from my own point of view, I would say there is a disinterest rather than a lack of desire. The body is capable and functioning but sex doesn't stimulate it. For example, I find kissing to be more of a stimulant. :redface: I don't have an interest to go beyond that because I'm wired to be fulfilled in another way, if that makes sense. :lol: Oh. The misunderstanding precursor isn't necessary, but it is appreciated. (And if my asexulity was treatable, I don't think it would matter to me. ) The difference is that when I really like someone there's a ton on butterflies present when they're near, I blush easily if they do or say anything I find cute, which in turn makes me want to kiss them, and when they're not around I feel a tightness in my chest missing them. So, I guess it's not that different from what anyone else feels. There just isn't a sexual interest to combine with the romantic interest. I might also add that some people may think that are asexuals are incapable of applying/enjoying physical affection, they're wrong. I'm a hugger, cuddler, and a smoocher with someone I'm interested in. =^-^= But I'm just speaking for myself here.
For me romantic attraction is hard to decipher, currently my thoughts on my "crush" are "do I even like you or am I confusing myself?" It's a little hard to decipher at first. But once you do, it's like being hit with a truckload of emotions--same as everyone else. Although I'm a little better at hiding it than most I guess because there's no sexual attraction to make me feel uncomfortable, if you know what I mean. But then there's the whole on my mind forever, want to be with them all the time, etc etc.
