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Are lesbian couples tolerated more than gay couples ?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Beware Of You, Feb 2, 2014.

  1. Beware Of You

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    I don't mean to offend anyone, but as a gay guy it seems to me that lesbian couples seem to be better tolerated. You hear people say that gay sex is disgusting and wrong but never the same about a lesbian couple hooking up, and there are some countries which outlaw gay intercourse but not lesbian intercourse
     
  2. salus

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    I think it has to do with the fact that homophobic men more often than women publicly (i.e. internet or just simply as part of a conversation) berate non-straight people. To them lesbians are obviously more appealing than gay guys. Women being intimate and sensual is natural to them but the same doesn't apply to their perceived standard of a man. Women seem to tolerate both lesbians and gays or not tolerate any of them.

    Of course these are just my observations. I'm not saying any of this is universal, simply a trend I have picked up on around where I live.
     
    #2 salus, Feb 2, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2014
  3. apostrophied

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    That's cause lesbians can't have sex, didn't you know that? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: At least that's what my mom says lol.
     
  4. person57

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    Sadly, yes :frowning2:
     
  5. Aussie792

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    This has come up so often on EC, and it's an obvious no. The same men who viciously hate gay men are the ones who "love" gay women, but just wait until the porn fantasy's dispelled and then they treat the women the same as they treat gay couples. So women in a relationship get objectified and turned into a disgusting and creepy fantasy for these men, and then get treated exactly the same as male couples afterwards.

    The reason a lot of countries don't ban two women having sex is because the law was written on the assumption that women don't have independent sexuality, not out of a belief in the superiority of queer women over queer men. A very prominent relic of the British Empire's Victorian laws and ridiculous thinking.
     
  6. stocking

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    Yes we are but we're not taken seriously unlike gay couples and that's one thing I'm jealous of about gay couples
     
  7. C P

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    What you describe is to do with society being run by hetero males and, while disguised as tolerance, is more about their little fetish/them objectifying lesbians it seems(the fact they are into women, there are two, and their fantasies about getting in on the action with two). I've heard some hetero guys(I think someone even brought up an instance on this site) go off on lesbians as well if the latter shows disapproval of this fetish.

    Isn't there a misconception somewhere too that says something about women being more capable of fluidity or something(?) and maybe that's why it might seem more acceptable to others, outside of purely homophobic reasons?

    By the way, sorry but I can't help but post this pic I had found at some point. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    [​IMG]
     
  8. Pret Allez

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    Lesbians are objectified as part of straight male fantasy. I don't think that should be mistaken for acceptance.
     
  9. ba92

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    I don't see how lesbian couples aren't looked at as serious. I know men think they can get with any women regardless if she's single or not. Is that what you mean?
     
  10. stocking

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    I'll explain from stuff i've heard from dear old dad and even few straight guy friend .
    I've heard from my dad that if a lesbian is femme or a lipstick lesbian and both of them are yes they are not taken seriously because some men not all that are straight think just because they have a penis they can make her her go with them . for example the saying all a lesbian needs is a good d**k to make her straight and the guys she was with weren't doing her right or a man has done her wrong in the past and that's why she's gay now because there is no way an attractive woman can not like men. That's why I'm jealous of gay couples my sexuality is used as a turn on for straight men and not taken seriously
     
  11. Tetraquark

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    I agree with Aussie and Pret Allez.

    Anything that goes against the straight male fantasy, including the women in question being butch or completely unavailable to men (i.e. they will never permit a man into their sex life), results in them being met with the same homophobia as gay men, except they get the added "bonus" of misogyny thrown on top of it. This manifests in numerous ways, including "corrective" rape. Women are, as usual, seen as objects, so the straight man who says he loves lesbians and hates gay men is very unlikely to support rights for either.
     
  12. stocking

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    That is true
     
  13. SohoDreamer

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    Lesbians are definitely not tolerated more than gay men. There are several reasons for this, most of which have been said by other users. However, I have noticed most people have been pointing out straight men as the people who do lesbians most damage. That is quite possibly true, but I've certainly seen many homophobic girls, who treat gay guys as raging stereotypes (almost like pets) and think lesbians are disgusting. These same girls will say there's nothing wrong with being gay, referring to men only, but will shun lesbians from their cliques and make snide remarks about them. I'm pretty sure it's why I know more openly gay guys than openly gay girls.
     
  14. Nikky DoUrden

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    I think some straight men actually enjoy looking at two girls kissing right? so maybe thats why they are more tolerable ... >.>
     
  15. PurpleGrey

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    To put it crudely, as I do from time to time, because lesbos are hot as long as they are not dykes. And fags are not hot, so their sex is gross.

    Essentially, it's all to do with aesthetics. While not everyone will enjoy gawking at lesbians, nobody will enjoy watching gay men. Unless they're other gay or bisexual men or they're fans of slash fiction and yaoi. The double standard sucks for both sides because of its nature.
     
  16. DrkRayne

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    I'm a lesbian and I have to say...yes. We are tolerated more, but only in certain circumstances.

    To me its due to most societies being patriarchal and the idea of two women are appealing to the male fantasy. Men have, in most cases, been in control of laws, and regulations. This meant that they could say "two men are bad and in need of death if they sleep together" while lesbian women were mostly ignored.
    Also, sex has been seen as only occurring if there is penetration involved and some stupid minds feel that women can't do this, thus its not really sex. (ugh I've been told I'm still a virgin wtf)

    However, for acceptance women have to "appeal" to that fantasy. Feminine (mostly) and in line with societies gender norms. When they step out of this, they remove that fantasy and are subject to bigotry.

    However, as whole women are more accepted. Look at television. Femme lesbian couples are EVERYWHERE, but you rarely if ever see the butch/femme dynamic. At most one of the women may come across as a bit more dominant (Stef Foster, Mulan etc.) but they never cross the gender norms. Even on Disney, to introduce a gay couple, they used a Femme/Femme lesbian couple, which is "easier" for society to digest.

    Its the sad truth.
     
  17. Tightrope

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    This. It's the hunter versus gatherer paradigm, I guess. Two nurturing gatherers pairing up is seen as ok, at least by some. Two hunters pairing up is not seen as ok, by most.

    ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2014 at 09:34 AM ----------

    Not for all straight males, though, unless this has rapidly changed in a couple of decades, and I don't think it has. I've known quite a few straight guys who had a snide remark or two to make about lesbians, and gave them a wide berth, as in "not accessible to me, so why bother?"

    ---------- Post added 3rd Feb 2014 at 09:36 AM ----------

    A lot of truth here. It depends on looks. As for guys, the general train of thought for even two really good looking guys is "what a waste." You'd be surprised, though. Some straight women supposedly enjoy watching gay porn.
     
    #17 Tightrope, Feb 3, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2014
  18. TheUglyBarnacle

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    This a hundred times.

    Also, I think it is kinda silly to make comparisons on who gets the most shit. If we were to hold a competition, transgender people would obviously be the least accepted ones, anyway.
    We shouldn't be trying to see who has it better, we should be trying to make it better for everyone.
     
    #18 TheUglyBarnacle, Feb 3, 2014
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  19. King

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    I personally find women to be more accepting of gay men, and men to be more accepting of lesbian women.

    However as said above there is a strong element of straight men finding lesbians attractive for sexual thoughts.

    A previous comment about TV was rather interesting, lesbians are very feminine, yet gay men on TV are also usually quite feminine. Not fitting this stereotype may be a reason for such discrimination.
     
  20. stocking

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    Straight men find lesbians hot until they realized your really gay and don't want to have sex with their penis then they start calling you names like dyke and carpet muncher .
    I had not experince bigotry in real life yet because I'm not out but online I have specially in rpg games I agree that gay men have it much worse than lesbians . I remember I was playing my rpg game some guy said how he had a big crush on me and wanted to be a couple I told him I was a lesbian he got upset and kept telling me that I'm confused and that it's because I didn't find the right man yet . Later on I log in with another character and walked in on a conversation he was having about me with another guy and girl they both encouraging him to try to pursue me even though I said I was lesbian One guy told him don't worry about her she just didn't have a good d**k yet and that's why she thinks she's gay and if she refuses and tells you she's lesbian again say your a lesbian too . Another girl who I think was straight was telling him to act more like a protector and show me how manly he was . It was really weird I've even got into fights with tons of close minded straight guys and some women . Another thing I have experienced in real life is what a few people listed above from women they are more tolerant of gay men but not lesbians . My mother for one would always say "I get why gay men have sex with each other because there is a whole to penetrate but two women that I can't understand there is no whole what do they do just rub their flaps together they can't have sex "
    My mom have even said two women making love is disgusting because we eat each other out and we're probably vampires . She can sympathize with a gay man on tv whose parents reject him but a lesbian she should be punished or corrected , she is a waste if she doesn't like men .