Last fall was my last semester in college. Back then I had a wild crush on some guy in my gym class. Long story short, I did summon all my courage and told him right away about my feelings (we already had some conversation on a meeting site). But the important thing is that each time I was around him, I couldn't handle his stare, I was shaky and probably looked miserable. As with any of my past crushes, I was feeling something I could call... ''intimidated''. I don't find any better word to describe it, hence English isn't my first language. Still, I was really proud of myself when I did let it all go. Anyway, I was on a bus drive to get back home from uni today when I saw THAT guy, 4 months later. I know that, due to the fact I had feelings for him in the past (and still do) it was normal to feel butterflies but it was worse than just that, the guy still got my heartbeat going wild and my body shaking. This thing always happens to me when I get around someone who I find really cute or who I have deep feelings for. But fact is, I. CAN'T. HELP IT! And that's why it is so frustrating! I'm 20, still single and I always feel the need to give affection to a guy and get some too. But how can I attract someone if I always get intimidated by him, getting all weak in the knees and shit? What's wrong with me? Is it because I feel I do not belong or am not good enough? What do you guys think, and most importantly, what can I do to think/act differently?
It's normal to feel intimidated, usually because you are wanting so bad to make a good impression that you get stuck in "analysis paralysis". I think there was some research article which suggested being in love is a lot like being an addict. Falling In Love Affects Brain Much Like Addiction, Scientists Say I think the solution is to be more confident in yourself, to feel that he doesn't have the power to make you weak in the knees. You should treat him as an equal, not as an impossible ideal. One way to do that is to recognize both his pros and cons. No one is perfect, but it is easy to think someone else is so much better than you. Also, what did this guy say when you told him your feelings? What happened for you to "let it all go"? Even though you say you were proud of yourself, it doesn't sound like that was a positive event.
That sounds very normal actually. The problem is, you're 20 and I at least had a better handle on crushes by then. But honestly, I miss that feeling. It sucks when you have it, but it's the spice of life. <3
Thanks for the reply! I know that, even though I accept myself for who I am, I still have confidence issues. As for the day I told ''the guy'' I had a crush on him... At first I thought he was straight so making a move wasn't really an option, I was just gonna keep my feelings for me and wait until they go away...But yet when I first logged on a meeting site, he was like the FIRST one to send me a message, because he knew I was from the school. Ironically, I hate talking on the net and subscribed on this site just to give it a try. But I thought it would be better if I could discuss with him in person. The thing is, it was November and the semester was soon to be over, so I said to myself that I'd tell him right away about my feelings or else I'd never do. And it was the very first time I told someone I had a crush on them. Still, when I did, we were completely alone at the school. He acted up really distant and on a rush, like I was kind of bothering him or something, and he said that he had ''plenty of stuff to do'' and he ''was not in the mood to meet guys''. I think I was even more surprised/confused than hurt! But that did break my heart. Love is blind, they say... I still wanted to let doors open ''in case''. Then university started while he's still in college and I hadn't seen him once since yesterday. Haha, I know right! I'm unexperienced and it's really obvious for any of my gay friends who keep teasing me for that . I hope that this ''feeling'' will be beneficial one day, instead of betraying me!
I usually get crushes on Lesbians or feminine people in General, Recently I got a crush on a guy, not just a simple one, but a hard core one, thought it was love at first sight kind of crush, still might feel that way but haven't seen the person since. Of course knowing my luck he wound up already being in a relationship, so now I intend to just become his friend and play DnD with him. lol Why do I always wind up attracted to people who are Lesbians, Straight(men), or in a relationship? Sighs...
