Yo. Asexual here. It's come to my attention that I don't actually know what sexual attraction is like. I know what arousal is....but I don't really understand sexual attraction. I mean, do you just walk down the street, see someone hot, and become aroused or something? Idk man. I tried asking my best friend but it was incredibly awkward conversation (for me only) and I didn't even know how to ask, and then she gave a less than sufficient answer but I dropped the subject. So...hi internet. Spare change? (!)
Well, I don't know how it is for other people, for me it's something that happens in the process of getting to know someone. Simply seeing a good-looking person on the street does nothing for me. If we talk a lot and I find myself enjoying her company and think she's pretty, then yeah I might daydream about kissing her. I would say romantic attraction comes first.
When I like someone, just seeing them can lead to a twinging sensation deep in my stomach....that's what I would say is sexual attraction to me.... It it is usually with someone I know I'm already attracted to, not a stranger in the street
For me, when I'm with my boyfriend, it's like... I don't know... my heart starts beating for two, or something. It's like this excitement, a bizarre rush of adrenaline. It sounds like it would be a negative thing, but it's really not. I actually quite enjoy it
Its different between people and especially genders. As a bisexual guy, I find I feel sexual attraction differently towards each gender. It also doesn't usually happen with strangers, mostly just people I consider potential partners (so that entails knowing them relatively well, and liking their personality). So as for the actual feeling, towards men its more of a desire to pleasure that person and feel attractive subsequently (the superficial side of things). For women, I feel more of a traditional masculine desire to be dominant (of course I don't walk around feeling like that towards every person I set eyes on, but with people I'm dating and see as romantic partners (or sexual partners) it can be pretty intense. The subjective body feel tends to be as others described; an adrenaline rush, mixed with lust and mild euphoria. What does lust feel like you say? There's the cognitive element where you daydream about sexual situations, and the physical element which entails an energetic feeling, mildly pleasurable sensations in the groin that demand satisfaction (like holding a candy in your mouth, it tastes good just sitting on your tongue, but needs to be swallowed for the whole experience). Lotsa detail, I know! That's what the Internet's great for xD
Most women are not visual (I don't know about lesbians). I don't just see someone and experience sexual attraction for him - it is very rare that this happens. I have even experienced strong sexual attraction to guys I didn't even notice at first but what they did and how they acted towards me made me desire them on a primal level. There is an entire pick up community (which is disgusting and dehumanizing) that teaches men how to turn women on and make them sleep with them. This is because most women are complex and need more than just looks to want to jump into bed with someone. I am a very sexual girl and I still need a lot more than just looks to desire someone. What is the most stimulating thing for the vast majority of women is a man's strength - and strength can mean different things for different women. For some, it might be money, for others muscles, but these are kind of primitive. I find a man's strong presence and ability to lead me (and others) sexually attractive. Women in general like winners. Sometimes I can be attracted to a man just by looking at him but this is because his confidence, leadership and dominance are ust very obvious and he is at the same time handsome and masculine looking. But this is rare. So what is sexual attraction to me? Well, I'm not so sure about the difference between sex drive and attraction but I will try to explain it. I feel like this man is strong, confident and reliable and I can let him take care at me. I want him to touch me, I want to feel his body next to mine, I'm craving to just feel physically close to him and I'm starting to picture how he would penetrate me. But as I said, this rarely happens without him doing something to stimulate my desire. I also have a high sex drive and I often imagine sexual acts with a faceless man. When I'm into someone (if he has tried to seduce me in some way) I can start imagining him. I once was in love with a guy and although I found him physically attractive I could not picture having sex with him. It just felt weird. He just didn't have that in him but he is a very nice guy and that's what made me love him. When we finally became boyfriend and girlfriend and started more physical contact and sex, well, I started feeling desire for him but the reasons I had never felt sexual attraction to him became clear - he was not very sexual and not interested in sex all that much. I wouldn't call him asexual but still, something essential, something primal was just missing. Some of my friends even thought he was gay (I don't think that's true). So I can relate to feeling romantic attraction without feeling sexual attraction while being a very sexual person myself.
Wanting to have sexual relations with a person is different to wanting to be in a romantic relationship - as far as I'm concerned away. If I see a person who I find particularly good looking, I'll feel attracted to them physically, but not necessarily mentally.
This is how I see it. I am trying to compare it with a non sexual/romantic experience. It came out as a bit bizarre example so I’m sorry for that: Imagine you see some food you really love, let’s say a really nice looking cake, and you are hungry then your mouth starts watering and you would really love to eat it, because you know (or imagine) how good it would taste. You may not even be hungry but that cake looks delicious and makes you hungry! You see a person you really like, and you are “in the mood” (99% of the time for the typical man ), you get aroused and you would really would like to have sex with that person. You may not be thinking about sex in that moment but he/she is really hot so your mind flies! Both things bring you a sense of ... anticipation?... probably because both things should lead to a satisfying experience. There is food you do not like and people you don’t find attractive, but in both cases other people like things that you do not like. Some people like certain foods because it looks yummy and some other people like the smell, the same goes for the different things that can make someone attractive to you (looks, personality...etc). I think when we introduce serious relationships and love, the equation becomes way more complex. You start to find other kind of things attractive such as feeling protected, feeling loved, emotional conection etc. I am not saying that you lose the sexual attraction; in fact all those other things can make sex much better and I guess that can become the most important thing. My two cents :s
In my opinion sexual attraction is where you are interested in the persons physical features. Where you would like to encounter in sexual acts with that person but not caring a single bit what goes on in their minds. The opposite of a romantic attraction.
Attraction as Described by the Great Wizard of Az: Part 1: Infatuation at First Sight: Some times when I see some one I will find either their personality, appearance, or both appealing and become Infatuated with them at this stage it is a strong feeling of liking the person but it is not yet love nor lust. Part 2: Having Conversations with those whom you have just been Infatuated With: After chatting with a person for some time and possibly checking them out a few times, you begin to familiarize yourself with the person, it is at this stage when the birth pains of lust, disgust, love, or whatever begin to form. All of this however is based upon your current perception of the person and any thing they don't share or lie about won't shape how you feel unless it becomes known at a later date. While chatting if sensual feelings of arousal begin to form you are sexually attracted to the person, if however you simply enjoy their company and nothing more then you have made a new friend. Some people some times get these sorts of feelings confused and can't properly judge the difference between them, studies I read stated that the feelings we have such as joy, happiness, and lust are all correlated with different chemicals and hormones and their effects on the brain some of them the same chemicals and hormones but to varying degrees, so it would seem internally inside our bodies the line between potential lover and friend is some what blured. Romantic, and Sexual Love are not the only types of Love, their are other kinds such as Friendship, Family, any type of strong bond, and I know a few people who claim it is hard for them to be able to tell what type of love they feel for some one they have come to know, so Identifing what type of love you have for them is important, because you don't want to date a friend only to realize you don't actually like them that way because you both just get hurt, yet you also don't want to keep treating some one you are In-love-with like a friend eventually you should tell them how you feel because if you don't some one else will.(Preaching to myself, lol) Stage 3: Now you know the person, what now? At some point we should be able to tell if we are attracted to a person sexually or romantically, or if we simply consider them a friend. For some this may just be what I call blind lust vs no lust what so ever, while others it is a mixture of lust and a desire for romance to varying degrees. Most people I know do desire Romance and not just sex, but each person is different. I for one desire Romance more than I desire sex, which is saying some thing because I am a normal person and day-dream about sex as much as the next person. There are those whom we might be attracted to sexually but for what ever reason, don't desire a relationship with we just find them attractive, but that's ok that's a part of being human. Stage 4: The Attraction evolves into a Romantic or Sexual Relationship, If the feelings are mutual. I've never been in this stage a of a relationship not a serious one any one, no experience save three high-school girl friends none of them serious in any way, and one "encounter" with one of my best friends when I was younger. Assuming both people are attracted to each other, and actually manage to TELL EACH OTHER! Then the relationship might evolve into some thing beyond acquaintances or friends. I've little to no experience in a serious relationships, as I am Shy, and have Social-Anxiety, but I wish to over come those issues in time. I would like to some day get married, but I have no intention of getting married until I have meet the right person, though some times I wonder if I would know him/her if I saw them. I have also been the type to open up to new people very slow, so whom ever he/she might be they would have to be patient.
