is being gay / bisexual a choice?

No.

If you're really attracted to your friend you're at least a little bi.

Now it may be possible you're 99% into girls and 1% into guys. Then you can call yourselves straight if you wish, sure. But being 99/1 isn't a choice. You can choose not to act on attraction to guys or girls, but that choice doesn't change who you can be attracted to.

Edit: It's possible to suddenly realise your sexuality isn't what you thought it was. This doesn't mean that you suddenly made the choice to have another sexuality. The other sexuality was always there, but maybe suppressed and/or not noticed, because heterosexuality is the norm.

 

No, it's not a choise.

 

I can imagine so. But nowadays it's a bit less likely, people live longer, meet more people, have easier access to porn and there isn't as much as a social stigma on bisexuality/homosexuality.

 

I think that depends, on various things obviously.

I can safely say that my interest is solely with guys because there is nothing that captures my attention with females besides being able to note prettiness(aesthetically really). Even before it hit me that I liked guys and was living straight I had no interest in pursuing girls(pressure or otherwise).

Sure, you can choose whether or not to pursue a non-hetero relationship, but you aren't choosing your feelings/attraction. You wouldn't be genuinely pursuing the relationship if the feelings weren't there.

As @Aquilo pointed out, it seems like you just stumbled on it eventually, as a lot do.

 

No choice involved. You mentioned a lot of stereotypes in your OP, and even labeled them as such. But stereotypes they are. Everyone is different. None of the common stereotypes placed on gay people really pertain to me. Doesn't mean that I can't be attracted to guys. Straight guys aren't attracted to other guys. You are attracted to guys, even if you're just now realizing it, because you are bi. No choice.

 

I had no idea I might be something other than heterosexual until my friends pointed out my disinterest in men and I was asked if I would date women. After fighting with myself for a while, I realised not only would I date women, but I only wanted to date them. I didn't want anything to do with my boyfriend once I knew that. I stumbled upon my sexuality, it was all incredibly confusing but after being honest with myself I saw that I was gay and there was no way to change that, no matter how many guys I dated.

So no, it's not. But I also don't think love is a choice, and you can fall in love with anyone if you're lonely.

 

All of those things such as not liking sports or not making crude comments or not wanting to have a gay pride day, that stuff isn't what makes you gay bi or straight. Just your attraction to whatever sex does. All the stereotypical stuff doesn't mean a thing.

And to answer you question, nah man, there's no choice. How do I know? I tried to change, and hurt a very close friend in the process. It's not a choice.

Now, you can choose to ACCEPT IT and become more comfortable with your liking for guys, and the more comfortable you choose to be with it, then yeah, sometimes it really DOES feel like you're just choosing to be gay, but you don't choose to have the attraction, you just choose to go with it instead of repress it.

 

No it isn't a choice well it is but not one you make one you make without knowing you make it if that makes sense

 

If you have a temptation in the first place, that means you already weren't straight. Straight guys just aren't tempted by other guys. You can certainly have the temptation and deny it, then choose to stop denying it. That doesn't mean you chose to be bisexual. That means you were bisexual all along, and chose to accept yourself.

Of course you're choosing to pursue a non-heterosexual relationship. No one gets into relationships because of their genes. You can be gay and chose to get into a straight relationship, but it won't mean you're straight. You can be bi and chose never to get into a same-sex relationship, but you'll still be bi.

 

Your lack of interest in joining gay rights groups have nothing to do with your sexuality. Neither does the fact that you don't fit into the stereotypes. I don't get why you mentioned that, it doesn't even make sense

And no, who you're attracted to isn't a choice. You can DISCOVER that you find guys attractive, but it isn't a choice that you make. Whether you're bisexual or not, who knows. And to be honest, it doesn't matter. You like a guy right now, just see it as that. No need to call yourself anything

 

I used to be that sexually confused fifteen year old who thought I was bi and thought I could just date women and not involve myself with dating a guy or gay rights. Sure enough I realized I was gay and that I was born that way. My reason for thinking I was attracted to women was because I was confusing myself thinking a girl is beautiful so i must be attracted to her. The more I thought about a woman's body I realized that was not attractive to me. I am not saying there is no such thing as being bi I am just saying this from my perspective.

I used to think I could change and be straight and I tormented myself with it until I got into high school I began to accept myself my sophomore year. I realized the need to support equal rights and became more vocal about it when I got older. Going to gay pride for the first time was liberating and felt so great. No one gave or my bf a second luck. We fit right in.

Can you imagine being denied a job, marriage license, being banned from church, restaurant or even being denied adopting a child. Its our reality and that's why we all need to fight for it in a respectful and decent way and get the rights we deserve. It's not something we can just ignore.

 

For thirty five years I convinced myself I was straight. Then for the next fifteen years I came out as bisexual. It was all an attempt to say that my gay encounters were just a phase. Last summer I realized that I am truly gay. I'm wondering if this is truly the first guy that you have noticed sexually.

 

How you feel about men or women is not a choice; how you act upon those feelings is a choice. Some people define homosexuality as how you feel; others define it as how you behave. Pick one definition or the other to answer your question.

 

That exactly. You never realize the all signs you had until you finally accepted yourself and say wow how come I didn't see that coming.

---------- Post added 11th Feb 2014 at 04:28 PM ----------

Thanks for clarifying. I understand your prospective more now. thanks.

 

Orientation is not a choice a person makes.

We can chose who to be in a relationship, whether romantic, sexual or both.
We can chose to commit to one person or to not commit, but we can not chose our Orientation.

 

In the sense that I (so far) every day choose to remain alive and be queer rather than blow my brains out and terminate my queerness (and myself), yes it is.