my bf is conflicted with his body

Oh, hey. I didn't know your bf was trans.

But anyway, I'll say it like I tell anyone in the same boat. I deal with the same thing. It's rare that I pass for male, even if I introduce myself properly. (but I figure, even if my name was Brandon McManly Tetosteroneson, people would still call me she). I don't look in mirrors when I can help it. Sometimes, I lie awake tossing and turning so I won't feel my chest when I lay down.

And yet, you get through the motions. Because it doesn't have to be like this forever. I figure, I can transition one day. I'm lucky. And one day, I can present male full time. I'll change my name. Go on testosterone and have top surgery so I can finally recognize myself in the mirror.

It's a day by day thing, you've just got to be there for him on the days when he's down.

 

How can he cope? What Drwinchester said. Just have to keep plodding along until he reaches his goal. It's not easy; I just came out as a transwoman and I'm loathe to go back into even a semblence of being a male, but I know that I'm going to have to just to be able suck it up for a while and deal with it.

However, it's the little things that can make a difference. In my case, being completely shaven, having my hair look good, nail polish etc. They all add up and make a difference, and the thing that matters most? Support. As long as one person treats him like he feel, you can keep hanging in there. Oh, and the thing about the mirror; there are at least two possible ways to help coping. One is to simply not look in the mirror when he can help it. The other is for him to look for the qualities in himself that he find attractive. He can look specifically at any features that makes him feel like himself. Whether it is a fierce look in his eyes, the way his brow furrows when he thoughtfull, or the way he stands. It's important to be able to see these things, because it makes you feel more like you.

Hope this helps.

 

It might be a good idea to encourage him to go one of those LGBT places or even to sign up here. It'd be rough on you if you're his only support and also you don't want him to become too reliant on you. You gotta take care of yourself as well and usually just treat him like any other guy! Remind him to keep up his passions. Don't say it to his face but being trans isn't the be all and end all of his life. I got the ftm thing but it hasn't stopped me being seen as the guy I am. Your bf should get there eventually, gently push him. There was a time when even hugs made me feel dysphoric, so... yeah, it can be tough. My bf listens to me whine now and then. It helps when someone simply listens without judging. Sometimes he says he wishes he could endure this pain instead of me and also that he feels he doesn't do enough for me. So this situation can be very hard on partners!

 

He doesn't have to sign up here or go to a LGBT place but he needs to confront the trans issue sooner or later. As long as he is confronting it in some manner it is okay. It's his choice if he wants to transition or not. Sorry I can't be more help than that.

 

Honestly, if he can figure that out, he should let us know. I mean, the whole point of transition is to make that dysphoria better, and so really that is the only effective thing that I know works. I think just surviving is the only thing one can do really, it really sucks.

Being involved in an LGBT community certainly helps though, and helps you to feel like you are not so alone going through this.

 

I'm sorry but what kind of a statement is this? Maybe we are part of a patriarchal society, but this does not mean that all makes have it easy and can do whatever they want. Legally, there are obvious restrictions in place. More importantly, guys go through a wide variety of emotional struggles just as girls do. Different people encounter different obstacles in their lives and both males and females can be hit with the same issues. Why must we split everything down the middle and make blanket statements about "males" or "females" as if we are all one and the same?

Furthermore, what you say is blatantly ignorant and offensive. I honestly can't fathom such a statement as the one you made here, and perhaps I shouldn't have even dained to respond but no one else did so I thought perhaps you should be enlightened. I hope your comment was made rashly or is just a case of poor wording because if you truly believe what you said here... Well, that would be sad.

 

I don't like your blanket statement either. I just couldn't think of a good counter. The more I think about it the more ticked off I become. There are plenty good men out there. You've met some bad examples. Maybe I should talk about some nasty women I've dealt with. You get terrible men and women! The two psychopaths in my family were both men but they aren't all the men in the world. Your cousin doesn't represent most men. If you seriously believe that most men are this bad then maybe you aren't ready for a relationship. Please think about what you said! I'm trying to be as polite as possible.

 

You shouldn't let personal vendettas get in the way of your views of groups as a whole. Many women lie, cheat and steal too. That doesn't mean I'd say something as generalizing as "All women can do whatever they want, must be so easy to be a woman" because that's just blatantly untrue. There's no inherent male characteristics that involve immoral actions. The fact is most individuals are complicated beings who are affected by their environment as they grow up and his shapes and forms the forever. Criminals are criminals, doctors are doctors, lawyers are lawyers, tennis players are tennis players and so on. None of these things are specifically male or female. The only difference between cis-gendered males and females are physical ones (although that point is debatable, I will admit).

If you're suggesting all males are exempt from mental problems, emotional traumas, personal tragedies, physical disabilities and so forth, you're seriously deluded. It's as simple as that.

 

Women cheat. Women lie. Women steal from their significant other.

Men can't do "Whatever they want", to think that they can is absurd.

 

That "don't like it don't read it" response has always annoyed me, it's not pertinent to the fact that I was aggrieved by your highly offensive remarks. It's simply not fair to brandish your sexist stick and then call it an opinion, as if your horrid generalization has any validity.

 

Which "they"? Men or women? Because neither sex "gets off easy".