I have been feeling so very nostalgic lately... a word of advice, please?

Hey there, guys!

First of all, I want to say that I'm sorry for not checking in for the past 2 weeks or so, I had my internet connection no hold because I didn't have any money to pay the bill for it. I have actually missed the community here, which I think is kind of amazing, because it shows how much people can reach to each other through kindness and understanding. Smooches to all of you! (&&&)

Okay then. The issue here is that, as I've already mentioned in the title, I have been feeling very nostalgic and melancholic lately about the past years. The frame is kind of like this: last year I finished highschool and after that, I couldn't afford going to college and my parents insisted for me to stay home and study and do my thing while they do the working because I'm their only child and they love me too much to send me to look for a job instead of getting ready for college like most people, and they promised that they would their best so next year we can afford sending me to college. Anyway, due to the increasing feeling of loneliness and letting life pass me by, I've recently decided to take on a job because I need to go back to the world.

The sad thing is that only now, after those years have passed, I realize how great things were through, believe it or not, highschool and how happy, yet unaware of it, I was. Has it ever happened to you? To realize just how good you were doing during a certain time only when it's all gone and that up until that point you were so ignorant about how actually happy you were back then? Well, that is what I am feeling right now. I know a lot of people have had bad experiences with highschool years, but in my case, lucky me, I don't think it could have been better, and unfortunately, it's just now that I became aware of it. I had such lovely classmates with whom I got along so well, I was surrounded by people who tought quite highly of me, the group of friends that I would smoke and laugh my ass off in the highschool bathrooms with, the teacher with whom I was infatuated and who constantly praised me to my fellow classmates, who even called me a genius lol :lol:, who made sure I wasn't getting in any trouble and got away with everything and asked for absolutely *nothing* in return, again, my nice classmates who responded positively when I told them I liked girls, the lovely school librarian who let me spend hours in the library instead of going to class and let me get away with many months of not returning the books on time, the friend who wrote me letters and shared my passions and views and cared about me and this is not even all of it... honestly, all in all, that was a time when almost everything fell into place for me. And now it's all gone and I can't help but feel so very, very nostalgic about it. One, because my life was wonderful and I was so happy during those times but I still kept on whining on how bad I was doing blah blah and was extremly ungrateful about all the good things that I had going for me, and two, because right now I feel kind of lost and unsure about the future that awaits me. It's this transition to adulthood that I have difficulties dealing with, it's like time has passed, but my inner self refuses to move on.

I've always known that I'm more of a melancholic soul, but this nostalgia that's set in is making me constantly think and yearn for the past... it's not healthy, I know, and I also know that I'm feeling sorry for myself too much and I should take more action, but sometimes it just feels so real, I miss those times so much that I can actually feel a sort of real ache in my chest. I hope that with getting the new job and entering a new community of people will help me let go and accept the past as the past, because that's what it is... right?

I truly hope I didn't bore you, I needed to let it out. I'm also curious to know if you guys have ever felt or had to deal with something like this... feeling very nostalgic, melancholic over something and not being able to help it and maybe how did you learned to cope with it, I don't know. Share me your toughts, good or bad.

It's so good to be back!
Big hugs!(&&&)

 

Aww, thank you anyway :* I find it helpful enough that you can relate to my issue here, I guess it does have to do, as you point out, with having to grow up and thus drift away more and more from your child self and it is indeed quite sad... Maybe we should just find a way to somehow manage to keep that inner part of ourselves alive without letting it affect our developpment, lol it sounds so easy in theory..

*sigh*