Am I a virgin/gold star?

My opinion it's that you ultimately need to decide how you want to classify those experiences. There are women who consider themselves virgins but have had oral, anal, and everything else in between except that"one little thing". I may not agree with thier definition but I'm also not going to ask them. Presumably the one doing the asking will have vested interest in your experiences and you can choose whether to provide this level of detail.

 

The concept of virginity can be damaging to a lot of people, especially females. I think you should go by your own definition of what virginity is, and what's comfortable for you.

 

Words need to have defined borders, not all can be ambiguous, otherwise what's the point of language.

You haven't been "deflowered" , meaning penetrated, therefore you are a virgin still.

Sexual intercourse is what defines virginity, not sexual behaviour, otherwise every teenage boy would be able to say they're not virgins because they touch themselves; and I'm sure all of them would love to say that. Virginity has a border, and you did not cross it. It takes two people, and one going inside the other.

So many lesbians, can be virgins their whole lives if they have never been with a man, and many gay men can be virgins their whole lives if they have never done anal.

Who cares, it's something that was created for heterosexuals anyways. It's like a gay couple getting caught up in gender roles in a relationship, that's something that is for heterosexuals, i.e a man and a woman. Homosexual relationships don't have defined gender roles, and we shouldn't be trying to apply virginity to us either.

 

Exactly this.

 

I don't agree with this. Although I do agree that everyone has their own definition. Touching yourself doesn't mean you loose your virginity because you are touching yourself not because you are a guy or a girl. You could masterbate with a toy and be penetrated but most people would consider you a virgin if you were by yourself.

I don't think you can say that a lesbian is still a virgin if she hasn't been penetrated.

 

the breaking of the hymen is suppose to be losing your virginity. to me the giving of yourself fully over to another person sexually is to give up your purity. it need not be penetrative. it's in the emotion of the act. again that's just imo.

 

Yep, I think that's it, you define virginity for yourself.

"Virginity" is not really a biological concept.

With males there is absolutely nothing biological or physical about virginity, nothing new that happens the first time they have sex, they will have orgasmed and ejaculated from masturbation a thousand or two times before they have sex, when they will just orgasm and ejaculate again.

With females, there is one biological/physical thing about virginity, the whole 'popping the cherry' thing, the first time the vagina is penetrated the hymen will bleed. In the bad old days, when people of many cultures took the "no sex before marriage" thing seriously, a woman's hymen would be inspected to make sure it was intact as a sign that she is a virgin eligible for marriage; if it were broken she would be considered a whore. Some cultures would inspect the bedsheets after the couple consummates the marriage to make sure there is blood.

Discovery Health "Hymen"

But as that article goes on to point out, having an intact hymen or not is not necessarily a reliable indicator of whether a woman has had sex or not. While sexual intercourse could cause her to 'lose her cherry' and bleed, there are some other factors that could cause it too.

Plus there are other forms of sex besides vaginal penetration.

It's up to you to decide whether you are a virgin or not based on your experiences.

I'm kinda in a grey area myself, not sure whether to consider myself a virgin or not. I prefer to think of myself as still a virgin, because I want to lose my virginity to someone I love, not a random hookup.

 

If you're asking my opinion It's no and no. For practical sake, a virgin is someone who is sexually inexperienced. Not being with a man means not being with one on all accounts, no genital activity allowed.

However, when it comes to YOUR experiences, you're allowed to define virginity however you wish. I have known lesbians who have had PIV sex with men and still call themselves virgins because they haven't been with women. It's their choice. But labels are also useless if they don't involve honesty.....if I was with a girl who said she was a virgin and I found out she gave a handjob, I would be really angry with her. She could just say that's she's given one but still considers herself a virgin, that's fine. But I don't want to be misled.

Curious question, are you also against gay marriage? Because marriage and virginity go hand in hand. If you want to argue original definitions, They were both meant to only be for heterosexuals, they were both solely about reproduction, and they were both about a man claiming a woman as property. If homosexuals aren't allowed to lose their 'virginity' to one another, they also shouldn't be allowed to call themselves "married" either. Of course I don't agree with either, but It's always really pissed me off how some people will argue about how one concept is wrong to keep only between heterosexuals- Yet they do the same exact thing with another. Hypocritical.

Secondly, on "Words need to have defined borders, not all can be ambiguous, otherwise what's the point of language." I absolutely agree, but there's a difference between a reasonable border, and one that becomes impractical and has too many loopholes in this day and age. PIV sex has no value in the 21st century- virginity was defined that way so reproduction was controlled and a man knew he was the father of a woman's children. Now? Gay people are everywhere, condoms and birth control exist, and more and more heterosexuals are deciding they don't like PIV at all. Therefore the 'technical' definition says NOTHING about a person anymore. The only value the definition has is to oppress, shame, and belittle gay people and rape victims.
Defining it by any sexual activity with another person IS a more practical border, because it says more about a person and their experience. And sexual experience/inexperience is a really important thing to homosexuals too. We want to know what our partners have and haven't done. That's not limited to heterosexuals.

And if you really want to argue 'technical original definitions' I hope you also complain about any man who says he's a virgin/not a virgin. According to the original definition, ONLY women can be virgins/lose virginity. Modern times invented male virginity...it was never a thing before then. And if we can change the definition once, why not a second time?

EDIT: Oh wow, you are also a misogynist/homophobic (to lesbians) as well. At first I misread that as gay men are virgins their whole life if they haven't slept with women, but no, apparently it "counts with other men as long as It's anal1!!" But the lesbians have to get fucked by men in order to be accepted. Yeah, that's not homophobia at all.

Once again, this is absolutely false. The hymen has nothing to do with virginity. Some women are born without hymens. For others, the hymen breaks or snaps during non-sexual activities such as exercise. And for other women...they can have P in V intercourse while still maintaining an intact hymen.

 

I have never had penis to vagina sex but I still don't list myself as a virgin because I see sex as in doing sexual things with another person regardless for gender , I think if your masturbating then yeah your still a virgin . I know plenty of people will tell me I'm still a virgin because I've only done oral and fingering but what about women who are born without hymens and those whose hymens break ,during sports are they also considered not virgins by default ?, to me a virgin is someone that never had sex with another person or did sexual stuff with another person wither that be oral sex , anal , fingering we can get stds from oral sex , anal and sometimes yes even fingering and the same kinds of stds that happens in penis vagina sex yet people are still considered virgins even if they've done these things ? I think it's just silly and people thinking heterosexual sex is the only way to have sex and it's superior to other sex acts . :eusa_naug

 

I think anything that involves direct genital contact is sex. I wouldn't consider you gold star.

 

I agree with you. I'm so fed up with the 'It's just a sexual act, not sex". LOL WHAT are you stupid? How is a sexual act NOT sex? That would be like if I beat someone to a bloody pulp and said "That wasn't violence, that was just a violent act" based on the perception that nobody died from it.

 

I hate the term "Gold Star Lesbian." There shouldn't be elitist a in the LGBT community. If my girlfriend had to have sex with a man in order to figure out that she likes women, that doesn't make her less of a person than me, who knew I was gay from a young age.

 

I'm not sure about gold star term, it seems very meaningless to me. It actually irks me that there are people who find it important. You could say you have some sexual experience with a guy, but that you didn't go all the way (penetration).

 

There's no such thing as 'all the way', even straight women can dislike penetration and that type of terminology shames them into doing something they dislike doing in order to be considered 'sexual'. It HAS to go.

Whether she's gold star or not doesn't matter because It's elitist terminology in our community; but I think what the OP wonders is if lesbians would consider her to have had sex with a man and the answer is...YES. She is not a virgin, and personally? I wouldn't be upset if I found out a girl I liked had sex with a man, but if she said she was a virgin but has given handjobs before? Then yes, I would be because she's a liar.