Hi guys, I wanted to just get some insight for how people came out. A lot of people might have just known they're not straight, and just come straight out with it immediately. This thread is mainly aimed at those who were or still are looking for the correct scenario to come out. I'd like to discuss the moment that made you decide "I'm coming out, right now or very very soon (within like a day or so) My motive for this thread is because although I still feel unable to come out, I've been thinking of situations where I would be comfortable to do so. If someone came out to me, I think I would very easily come out to them. The other person would also hopefully appreciate the delicacy of the subject to some people, and I'd hope most of them would keep it to themselves when asked to. If I had a partner. Unfortunately I fear the worst for my chances I have with finding that special someone. I'm not attractive and a bit of a stay-at-home geek! Probably will need to get out a bit more... That said, I feel if I found a partner, it would be easier to come out to other people. As said at the start, this thread won't apply to everyone because as soon as they know they're not straight, they just come out to someone/everyone. I'm probably not alone in needing to find a reason to come out.. or maybe I am?! Guess that's what I'm trying to discover! Anyone want to share?
My motivation for coming out as bi was prep work for the much more difficult task of coming out as trans. Needed to test to see if anyone was going to freak out and what seemed to be the lesser of the two things I needed to say! For clarifications sake: When I say "the lesser of the two" I mean I was less scared about telling them my sexuality, I don't mean to imply that admitting your sexuality isn't as important or as difficult as gender!
I have, at this point, next to no interest in coming out, at least in the traditional sense(the whole 'hey *fill in a name*, I'm *sexuality*'). Yeah, it'd be much easier to find someone if I wasn't 'in the shadows' and the whole gf/girls thing is pretty annoying, but it isn't something that is making me rock back and forth in a corner(though can be really lonely I guess). I don't like the word gay either(can't even say it in a mirror still) so it's unsettling to think of saying it to others in regards to myself anyways. For now, my plans are to just continue doing what I normally am doing and just let everyone else figure out it for themselves, which probably will be a million years down the road when I find someone, haha(which goes along with your partner scenario). Actually, I like your 'if someone comes out to me' scenario, too, although I don't know anyone who seems like a candidate so I'm not counting on it. A loner as of now with this aside from a few online friends I have made.
Hey C P Wow this is quite unreal to read your thoughts, because literally every part of it is exactly how I feel. It's literally like reading someone going into my mind and putting my thoughts onto this forum post. Indeed I am not rocking in the corner about it, but also feel quite lonely because I also don't know anyone with the same feelings. I've suspected one or two and that was years ago, and I next to never speak to those people anymore. I'm not a fan of the word 'gay', I don't say it apart from on this forum. Nice to meet a fellow loner in what appears to be in a very similar situation (*hug*)
Hey RedDev, I think when I come out publicly I'm going to try to find an inconspicuous way to do so without just shouting "I'm bisexual!" to the world. I already wear a bunch of jewelry, so adding a pride bracelet to the mix would be fairly easy, and would A) allow me to come out without having to directly say it to anyone else, and B) would give other people the freedom to interpret it however they wanted to. My other option, completely on the other end of the spectrum, would be to bring a guy to homecoming or prom. I've read stories in which a gay couple will go to school dances together, and it seems like a good way to make a statement with someone you love. Plus, slow dancing together. But that is very unlikely to happen seeing as the only other gay guy I know (that I know of) is a college diver who I'm pretty sure already has a boyfriend. Honestly, though, the thing that's most likely to get me to come out to someone (and in fact already has) is rudeness. One of my friends was complaining about the Boy Scouts' new policy allowing gay Scouts, and I said "If you've got such a problem with gay people, I really shouldn't be sitting here." I'm about to do the same to another one of my friends who frequently uses "gay" as a substitute for "stupid" and uses "f*g" far more often than I'd like, despite me having asked him multiple times to stop because I find it offensive. The first guy hasn't said anything more to me about it since then, and has thankfully respected me enough to not tell anyone else.
Hi Scotty It's an interesting point you make about coming out in response to criticism of homosexuality etc. It's almost like throwing the guilt card at them I guess. I dont think I have the balls to do that haha. But also (and I wouldn't wish it any other way) I don't really receive or overhear what you describe at all. The most 'saddening' thing I overheard was someone describing an attractive man (who is a celebrity, nobody we know personally) who had come out as gay and she said: "what a waste". That said, I mentioned that one elsewhere on the forum and I perhaps have over reacted or taken that one the wrong way. Not sure I'm totally sold on that one though. Perhaps a slight difference to your thoughts is the use of the word "gay" or other such words. I'll be completely honest, as an online gamer I'd be lying by denying ever saying things like "What a gay ability on that champion!" in the heat of the moment (yes I play LoL ) I think I might have been brought up around this and got used to it kinda... That said, if I knew someone was or would be offended by using it, I'd immediately stop, I also don't find it offensive when others say it on skype when playing the same game, unless it's directed at me (that said, I remind you I've come out to no one).
I personally believe I reached a point where I got bored and tired and annoyed of having to lie about certain areas of my life and having certain emotions and aspects of my life being hidden, so I decided I would tell people. I waited for the "perfect" scenario that I could imagine, and, when I realized that it would never happen, I thought I had to do something else. So, I decided to wait for an opportunity when I was with one or two of my friends and make a joke/say something in a very nonchalant way that pointed out I was gay. I tried to avoid the emotional coming out because I feel like it didn't agree with my personality. From here, I went on to using more jokes and other such non-emotional ways to make my sexuality known. So I guess finding a situation to come out really depends on your personality. It may be easiest to start with one person whom you trust and can talk to. You just have to find your motivation, and when you do, it'll be MUCH easier. Good luck and I hope I helped.
