Anyone else have someone in their life who makes no sense?

Your situation is fairly similar to mine, I suppose. I was seeing this girl for some weeks. Things got rocky at some point and she ran back to her ex without even telling me. I stopped talking to her for a while but she contacted me and we started casually chatting on Facebook. She used to imply feelings for me with some stuff she'd say but I just cut her off when she'd try to pull these things.

I still talk to her even after all these months because we get along and I enjoy doing so. I guess I can say we're some sort of friends, now. I don't know what it'd be like if I had completely cut her off. Just make sure to let yourself get over her.

 

actually yes :/ my best friend would be that person. about almost a year ago we started dating and i was ecstatic and so was she and around six months later she started casually talking to her ex and i told her i wasn't too keen on that but i wasn't going to 'forbid' it because i hate that. well she ended up leaving me for him and it hurts to see her everyday hanging of his arm but i cant stand not to see her because shes my bff ya know?

 

Hey, i'm sorry to resurrect an old thread but this reminds me a of situation I have with one of my friends. He does my head in at times but I still care about him. We've never dated and I doubt we ever will but there have been times where he gets close and then backs away. I wish he could just be consistent in his actions!. Also have you resolved the situation now?

 

Well he's not in my life anymore but my father fits that, constant pain and confusion. Everything is either a chance for him and to show off and make himself look good, or throw a tantrum and take his bad mood out on someone else. It 'makes no sense' to most around him, although I sort of had him figured out for the most part.

 

'Close' would be a little extreme to describe these relationships, but my parents. Easily.

My mother and I are doing much better nowadays, but there's still a tremendous amount of mending to do, until I can feel close to her. Years of drug abuse and neglecting my sister and I, don't exactly inspire a quick remedy. But she is trying, and I acknowledge that. It just won't be a quick journey, and at the moment, she and I's relationship could be best described as room mates. We get along, but there's not very much in-depth interaction or exchanges, between the two of us. It would be easy to forget she was my mother, if I didn't know she already was, just by how our relationship feels.

My father and I are just kind of... dead. Not that we ignore each other, but he and I... we've unofficially called it quits. I'll never be the kid he wanted, which was the sports-playing, dating-shenanigans, doctor-aspiring kind of kid. He expected me to be, pretty much, a jock of sorts, and to be 'popular with the ladies'. He didn't think much of anything, in general, was worthwhile, unless it was ridiculously challenging, like wanting to be a doctor and working towards it. Everything else, was along the lines of compromising or settling in life. I only see him once a year, on Christmas Eve, and that is only because my younger sister, insists, we go for 'the sake of the family'. Ironically, the only time she and I, typically, see one another is, also, Christmas Eve... hmm...

I didn't turn out like they wanted. While my mother is a little more accepting, she has a tendency to remind me of my younger sister, and all her accomplishments: a degree, friends, marriage, and her occupation. This doesn't particularly bother me enough, to paralyze me in shame or depression, but it paints the picture: my sister, to both my parents, is the 'better child'. They don't say that, but their little reminders and praise-to-other-people, shows that.

Interestingly, both of my parents will easily admit, I'm the more intelligent of my sister and I. In a way, this may be why they were/are hard on me. I could, possibly, accept this with my mother, but my father? No, he'd probably shoot me down, no matter what I did -- even if I cured cancer or established a colony on Neptune. Either he believes in 'tough love', or he's an emotionally numb individual -- maybe both. I can never get a clear answer from him.

However, just by being my parents, and not affording me the basic necessities of life, they have hardened my heart and thickened my skin. When I realized, they would be, at best, very lax support or unreliably reliable, it really did a number on my self-esteem. I truly believed, if my parents could not demonstrate appropriate affection or nurturing acknowledgement, that I was unlovable. Basically, if your parents can't love you, why expect anybody else to, became a constant theme in my daily life. Over a period of time, this really breaks a person, and can push them towards less than stellar endeavors, just to cope.

My parents have never exactly apologized for any of this, either. They've justified and explained their actions, but never have they apologized. Being the heavy thinker that I am, it is not easy to dislodge the thought of: Well, gee, if they can't apologize to you, do they actually think anything of you? So, while I know enough, as to why they did what they did, it still weighs on my mind at times. In this way, my parents have a direct pull on my heart strings.

 

Basically... cut off all connections with this person as she obviously still wants to entertain the idea of having you on standby, because people are selfish like that.

Don't feel angry and jealous of her and her new boyfriend, feel happy that you finally lost that dead weight, someone who is obviously not worth your time.

You can even go as far as to feel sorry for the guy she is with, because he now gets to "deal" with her and any future drama she may cause.

As for your question... Yeah, I have such a person in my life and they confuse me and I know that I should follow my own advice but, it's hard. And it will be hard for you. But it is something that must be done.

 

The first person that came to mind was my dad.

I really thought I was over everything he put me and my family through, but recently, I see I still have some work to do with letting go, and I probably always will. Between not seeing each other every day and distracting myself with work and school, I was feeling much better, but I knew burying my feelings was only a short-term solution.

My dad is a very selfish person when it comes to feelings. If he's suffering, everybody has to suffer with him, doesn't matter if it's my sister's birthday or Thanksgiving. He always puts himself first.

I've also noticed a pattern with him. When he ruins our day, or hurts one of our feelings, he starts to apologize and tries to make it up to us. And for a while, he seems like he's trying to improve, then he just goes back to being selfish and hurtful. In the past, I was stupid enough to believe that maybe he'll continue to try, and things will finally change, but he's disappointed me so many times that it doesn't surprise me when he lashes out anymore.

When he would text me or call me, I always ignored it. Then, I would feel guilty for possibly hurting his feelings, to the point where my heart literally ached, followed by confusion, for caring about his feeling when he clearly didn't care about mine.

My dad assumes we are on good terms just because I've been civil with him. What he doesn't realize is that I'm just tired of fighting with him. I know he loves me. When he hugs me, I feel it, but that's when the confusions really kicks in, because if he loves me, why would he put me through so much emotional pain? You don't do that to the people you supposedly love, especially if it's your family.

 

The only person I can think of that actually doesn't make sense in my life is one of my good friends and also my next door neighbour. I am also close with her parents and kind of her brother I guess and they all know I am gay and are accepting of it. My friend though who considers me her best friend really irks me sometimes, she says stupid things that I realize she probably doesn't mean, but I don't think she thinks before she talks. One night I was with her, my best friend and Francis and we were talking about sex and I went to say something (I don't really remember what) but she was like "oh no were talking about straight sex" she completely cut me off from the conversation. I was just sitting there thinking WTF and weirdly enough she is bisexual and has tried to kiss me when we have hung out before. I told the other two and they were also thinking like why would she say that, she tried to hug me and apologize but all I was thinking in my head was that I would like to hit her.. obviously I didn't resort to violence, but I was angry.

Also every time we hang out she loves to talk about herself, even when I try to say something she'll be like oh that's cool and goes back to talking about herself. My friends also realize this, Francis was talking to another one of our friends and then this girl cut her off too. She is so selfish and completely absorbed in herself. She is boy CRAZY, she will ditch me to go hang out with guys she is interested in.. truthfully I don't even have fun hanging out with her unless we are with other people. The only reason I still keep her around is because when I moved to this city she is the first person I knew of that I hung out with, because she was friends with my grandma and aunt who used to live in this house, but passed away. She also doesn't have many friends, at least true friends that are there for her, some of her friends will pull her into doing weed and what not, she is completely a social smoker and will do it if other people are doing it and not because that is what she wants to do. I'm not against pot I just think people should do what they want to do and what they are interested in not what other people are doing. I mean she gets a headache from smoking pot and calls me many nights when she is out partying saying that she is not feeling well because of it.

Now I basically just let my friends talk about themselves and I'll be there to listen, I've learned that people LOVE to talk about themselves.. most of my friendships are one sided in that area.

 

My cousin on my mother's side. We used to get along really well when we were kids, but I know that that ship has sailed.

I've always had this suspicion that she has secretly been jealous of the fact that my brother and I moved out of their state to Georgia and actually have a better life than them. She has a boyfriend, who is equally as annoying and ignorant as she is. They've both had a child out of wedlock, and that's the choice that they've made. My cousin hasn't completed her college degree and probably has lost that chance to do so. She has been incredibly spoiled and wanting men in her life to take care of her. She does this with my maternal grandfather, her dad (my mom's brother-in-law), and her boyfriend. They all live in a western part of Virginia in the mountains. My cousin always has, and basically has no idea how to take care of herself. She seems to have resentment towards me, and will do it in the most passive-aggressive way, since she knows that I know how to function better. I know how to take care of myself, I graduated college and have my degree on my wall at home, I've traveled extensively, and didn't make any of the choices that she made. Does she reach out to me? Nope. Does she send me messages or calls me on my birthday just because? Nope. Does she ever spend time with us when we're up there and she knows damn well that we're up there for that time frame? Nope, not at all. I wish we had the relationship that we used to have as kids, but I feel like unwanted jealousy on her part has built up an unnecessary wall to prevent that from happening, unfortunately.

 

She sounds like someone who doesn't know what she wants. Someone who thinks that being with someone, equals love and that's all it takes to get married, have kids etc. There might be something deeper as to why she's doing it but it could be that she's just really wanting some form of attention. If I where to give you any kind of advice it would be to cut her out of your life completely. I've been around that type before and let's just say, friends or not.. it never ends well.