Thoughts on virginity?

Oh boy, here comes my best debating subject again lol.

Virginity doesn't exist. You don't lose anything from sex (Even if you're a woman since the hymen is 'unbreakable' in the way people think it is). It's a made up concept used to oppress and shame people of all different groups.

Sex is...what you make of it. The first time can be special if you wish it to be, but it can be before marriage, and it doesn't have to be penetrative either.

"Sexually inexperienced" is a better word that I'd advise using.

 

It is a dumb concept really, and it's pretty heteronormative and male-oriented. I've heard people say that two lesbians having sex isn't "real" and they're still virgins because a penis didn't penetrate them...and even more appalling, a lesbian getting raped by a male means she's no longer a virgin.

Others say it's when the hymen breaks during penetrative sex, but that doesn't mean being penetrated will always break it and the hymen can break during sports or from an injury.

I don't believe in it either. I think it's a way for others to feel better about themselves compared to people who haven't had sex yet. They don't seem to get some people don't care.

 

I just think it means u have or u haven't

 

And this is why I love you <3 jk

 

for me personally, and this is from the knowledge of a 14 year old abstinent virgin pansexual, There are three main virginities every person has, the first one is lost when that person has sex with a female identifying person (This person can be biologically whatever), the second one is lost when the person has sex with a male identifying person (still biologically whatever), the third one is lost when the person has sex with someone who does not identify with a gender (still biologically whatever).

So basically virginity is a spectrum like most issues/ topics.

and yes I do consider rape on a virgin to be losing virginity, but in the most cruel and damaging way.

 

Virginity is a stupid and evil concept that exists to stigmatize the sexually inexperienced. There's a lot of different things to try in the world of sex. It's not like there's "one" thing you can do that will be the magic panacea of sexual experience.

I have had sex before. But it wasn't the sex I would like to have had. I could describe myself as therefore a "virgin," but I'd rather be less dysfunctional and say there is more in the realm to be explored.

 

I think virginity was the concept of a male penetrating a female, or a female's hymen being broken. Which is very outdated because your hymen can be 'broken' long before you have sex. And plus it's never really broken anyway lol.

Virginity should be what you make of it. Obviously you can't say, "I've had sex 500 times but I'm a virgin," but I mean you should define it in a way that you feel comfortable with. It can be very oppressive or uncomfortable, because women have to hang onto their virginity, and men have to lose it quickly, both of which is unhealthy to have pressure on you about.

Plus, I really dislike the concept of 'losing' virginity. The thought of sex being about losing something rather than gaining something is uncomfortable to me.

 

I should also add that I consider myself a "virginity survivor".

By survivor, I mean that like beetle said, you do grow up used to the "heteronormative" standards, and that lesbians are better off raped if they want to be accepted as non-virginal.

A lot of those standards caused me to go through self-harm and suicide attempts at a young age while I was struggling with sexual identity. I knew I liked girls, but I still valued "saving virginity for the right person". That could only ever be with a girl in my mind. But oh, how I was devalued and told that I was wrong.

Now after being through therapy for so long, I'd like to be some sort of activist for helping young people discovering their sexuality. They have to know that there isn't a "real" way to have sex, and anything can be special if they so wish. Or not, if they wish that as well.

I won't teach my kids about virginity. I'll teach them about all different kinds of sexual activity and that they can attach whatever meaning they want. But that they don't lose anything from penetrative sex, and non-penetrative sex acts still count and aren't a cop-out.

Hopefully one day I can shake all my sex-negativity out, but I'm slowly getting there.

 

I agree that it's not as black and white as that. I feel like, at this point, virginity is such an outdated term. It used to basically mean the first time you had penetrative, P in V sex. However, this doesn't really apply to gay, lesbian, and trans people, now does it? And to say that lesbians are always virgins or that gay men are always virgins because they have no vagina to put their penis in, is utterly ridiculous.

Also, gay or straight, everyone has a different definition as "what counts" as sex. We've all known that one girl who hooks up with everyone but still considers herself a virgin because she only does anal or gives blow jobs. Again, ridiculous. I feel like the definition of sex has changed, and therefore the definition of virginity must change.

 

I do believe in first times, since there is a first time for everything. It doesn't have to be memorable (don't remember the first time I ate cereal) or it could be very very memorable (do remember the first time I got an A from English). There's a first time for sex, and that's just that. The first time doesn't define you, but you can wish for it to be perfect if you want to. For example I waited before I watched O.C. (it was shown on the TV when I was 10, and I figured it was a tv series for older kids) and I enjoyed it a lot more that way. Then again the first time I went downhill skiing came as a surprise and it felt really difficult, but after a while I loved it.

So virginity is just a first in the category of all the "first's" in your life.

 

I personally I am not into hooking up and I would advise anyone against it. It just does feel healthy to me to be sleeping around with several people especially since the risk of HIV and AIDS and other diseases. That is a problem in every community not just the gay community. I am happy to be in a committed relationship at 23 and that is the only person I have ever had sex with and I am ashamed of that.

 

Okay, I've said this before and I'll say it again. Virginity is a stupid concept invented to shame women and glorify men. To religious people, it's something sacred, but really it isn't. It only exists because we make it exist. You are the same person after you have had sex as you were before. There is no transformation. We don't give a name to the first time we eat cereal. Do you know why? Because it's not significant. Your first time doesn't have to be significant either, unless you choose to see it that way. Virginity is disrespectful to victims of sexual abuse, who end up feeling like their virginity was "taken" or "stolen" from them, when really it never existed in the first place. Virginity is an outdated and shameful concept that needs to be eliminated from our society.

 

I personally believe there's no definite way to "lose your virginity" considering everyone views it differently. I've always seen it as anything voluntary that could be listed as sex (hoping I don't have to go into detail here), not just penetration. Therefore, people of any genders can lose their virginity, and there's no such thing as fake sex. That, and I don't consider rape to be losing your virginity. Since my definition is going to differ from other people's though, I don't think it's that big of a deal and generally don't make a huge fuss over it.

My main problem with the concept of virginity is the assumption that virginity=purity. No. It doesn't. Like I said before, how is a girl that was raped any less pure than one who wasn't? Heck, purity in general is a dumb idea. Who says we have to be perfect all the time?

 

There's also the angle of straight people engaging in every imaginable form of non-P in V sex as to make a mockery of the whole concept. Ex: girl lets fifty guys bang her in the ass during her high school years so that she can be a "virgin" at marriage. :rolle:

 

Well for me I used to be caught up in the virginity idea. I wondered what my first time would be like and all that. Eventually at 16 I hooked up with a guy for the first time and lost my virginity. Not the first time ive had a sexual experiance but first time being penetrated, but I'm happy I did. After having sex with him I didn't feel all giddy and happy like i thought I would. It was at that moment that I realized I loved women more than men. It opened my eyes to what I really want and who I really am, so I'm happy I did what I did at the time with no regrets.

If I hadn't I would not have met the wonderful women I am with now, since ironically she is his sister (little awkward at family gatherings FWI). But sometimes you have to just go for it to see what happens, but you always have to do what you feel is right for your own life. I was my girl's first time with another women and we have not left each other since, so everything can work out not matter what you do.

Sorry for the ramble, first day on the forum and I'm a little post happy hehe.

 

Was that a typo?

 

I think your virginity is like your innocence, like once that gone there is nothing left of your innocence once youre no longer a kid. Your virginity is like your pure, innocent part. And thats why its such a big deal to lose, because youre losing your purity.

 

I.....kind of disagree with this. I mean, I really don't think a person who has never had sex is more pure than someone who has. Someone who has had sex once can be very innocent, naive, and still inexperienced, while someone who hasn't....well, isn't necessarily "sexually pure" especially since they could be masturbating to extreme fetish porn daily.....

Besides, there isn't such thing as sexual purity anyway. Humans of all ages, including children, toddlers and even fetuses, all exhibit sexual behavior of some sort.