How about the effems? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

zumbo · 12th Jul 2008, 03:38 PM

Straight-acting is very popular nowadays. Bisexuals do not have any problem with this but how about effems?

I can see that straight-acting homosexuals and bisexuals are revolutionizing the way most people think about homosexuality. I can't help think that someday the race of effeminate or flamboyant homosexuals will vanish to conform to the straight-acting mainstream.

Hoppip · 12th Jul 2008, 03:44 PM

I'm femme. I don't mind other femmes. I don't try to be femme, but I decided not to suppress it. I'm femme.

I think some guys try to hard to be macho - it's easier to just be yourself.

12th Jul 2008, 03:51 PM

Okay - I realise you are probably looking for guys but this just struk a cord with something I have been thinking about.

Just as lots of people see femme as a steriotypical gay guy, gay girls are supposed to be macho and butch. Naturally I am not very feminine. I never have been it's just not me but for some reason since I realised I was gay I have found myself actually acting more feminine as I don't want to be seen as a steriotype even if that steriostype is naturally how I am?? Confusing hey??

But anyway I think people should just try and be themselves and not care what people think - so much easier said than done though!!!

Fiorino · 12th Jul 2008, 03:53 PM

Sure, I prefer "straight-acting" guys, but I don't think that all gay guys
will end up being like that. First of all, since when do you have to be
effiminate to be gay? That's just a stereotype. I don't think that because
a guy is "straight-acting", he is trying to act straight either, maybe he
was just brought up that way, and it's who he is. I have nothing against
femmes, they're not for me, but I respect that they're their own persons
and don't try to conform to fit in. I say, just be yourself. There
are effiminate gays just as there are straight-acting ones.

zumbo · 12th Jul 2008, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiorino

Sure, I prefer "straight-acting" guys, but I don't think that all gay guys
will end up being like that. First of all, since when do you have to be
effiminate to be gay? That's just a stereotype. I don't think that because
a guy is "straight-acting", he is trying to act straight either, maybe he
was just brought up that way, and it's who he is. I have nothing against
femmes, they're not for me, but I respect that they're their own persons
and don't try to conform to fit in. I say, just be yourself. There
are effiminate gays just as there are straight-acting ones.

Clarifying my definition for "straight-acting," I consider gays to be straight-acting whether they intend to do so or not.

I know many effems wanting straight-acting boyfriends. If straight-acting guys also want straight-acting guys, then what I said in the first post is possible. Maybe, I'm missing something since I don't ask those effems if they are willing to straight-act for this reason.

Davo · 12th Jul 2008, 04:53 PM

Like Fiorino said, everyone should just be themselves. I'm straight acting, but couldn't be femme if I tried, even around people who know I'm gay. I guess its down to where I grew up, and having been in the closet for so long. Maybe if I was out from the beginning I'd grow up to be more effeminate, or maybe not. Who knows?

I dont like the idea of femmes going against what feels natural for them, or anyone for that matter. Flamboyant homosexuals shouldn't have to tone down if they want a straight acting boyfriend, they don't have to, I'm sure there are plenty of straight acting gay people who are looking for someone effeminate

Wander · 12th Jul 2008, 05:15 PM

The only thing is, it's not "straight-acting" for me. There's no acting involved, I'm just myself. It just so happens that "myself" isn't incredibly feminine. I have a few girlish mannerisms, and my face isn't as blocky as some guys I know, but that's about it.

Jebs · 12th Jul 2008, 07:59 PM

I really don't care for 'effems' too much. I don't have a problem with anyone being that, it is just not my type.

12th Jul 2008, 09:10 PM

I'm very femme. I don't try hiding it. I don't try to change it. And I don't really care if others think it's too stereotypical.
It's what I'm used to. And if I change myself, I know I won't like it.

I'll date femmes or straight-"acting" guys.
... just as long as that straight-act isn't an act. It's just who he is.

Micah · 12th Jul 2008, 09:36 PM

I sort of found that someones mannerisms aren't really all that important, so long as they're a decent person. /shrug

Beebo · 12th Jul 2008, 09:41 PM

Some feminen acting guys are really hot to me. Some seem too fake, maybe there are gay people who feel like they must conform to the steryotipical standard and act femme. Anyways, I am attracted to people who are interesting and fun, who have things in common with me, who are interested in me and who happen to have a male body. If that person has a femme personality, I just see it as another worldly accent. Like a british person or an australian.

Crotch? Yes!

**Lexington** · 12th Jul 2008, 10:14 PM

Nope, it ain't gonna die out. Up until about twenty, thirty years ago, no man (gay or straight) wanted to act like a femme. Because then, to be femme was to be gay, to be gay was to be femme, and to be either was to be shunned by society. And it was like that for many years leading up to our somewhat more enlightened times. If THAT didn't force femminess to "die out", I certainly don't think "trying to snag a guy who wants a straight-acting guy" will do it. They are who they are, and that kicks butt.

Lex

revolutionrock · 12th Jul 2008, 10:24 PM

I do think I'm attracted more to manly men, but I think it's because I'm kind of a femme myself. I'm not really ashamed of it - I am what I am. But as such, I'm not really attracted to other femmes. I dunno if this is some sort of complex on my part, or just a built in yin/yang thing in my brain.

Macho isn't really attractive though. I think like the strong, silent type I suppose.

LOVEjames · 12th Jul 2008, 10:42 PM

I'm a bit of a femme, and when I'm around people other than my family, I happily express it. I'm not all that into the stereotypical things, but I'm definitely interested in a lot of the things that most girls are. I say "Oh my goddddd." quite a bit, and I'll happily express my joy for things most guys wouldn't. I don't have a problem with it. I'm more attracted to a little more... stronger seeming people. I mean, they can be completely effeminate, but just as long as they're strong. That's the thing that I'm attracted to the most.

ScentedRegrets · 12th Jul 2008, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LOVEjames

I'll happily express my joy for things most guys wouldn't. I don't have a problem with it.

What kind of things do you mean? When I came out to my two best friends (they are actually two brothers, but not mine - I am an only child), the younger one said that I was really a flamboyant guy, and that really threw me for a loop. What kind of things would you say that most guys wouldn't express joy for, or would make them appear to be flamboyant?

Jebs · 12th Jul 2008, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScentedRegrets

Quote:

Originally Posted by LOVEjames

I'll happily express my joy for things most guys wouldn't. I don't have a problem with it.

What kind of things do you mean? When I came out to my two best friends (they are actually two brothers, but not mine - I am an only child), the younger one said that I was really a flamboyant guy, and that really threw me for a loop. What kind of things would you say that most guys wouldn't express joy for, or would make them appear to be flamboyant?

A new season of Desperate Housewives...? Maybe..

LOVEjames · 12th Jul 2008, 11:28 PM

For me, it seems like guys don't really get terribly excited. Or when they do, they express it in a terribly macho way. I will scream and jump up and down. xD

>_> And yes, I will do it for a new season of Desperate Housewives.

revolutionrock · 13th Jul 2008, 01:01 AM

If you can't express joy for a new season of Desperate Housewives, there's something wrong with you.

That's all I'm trying to say.

shakerdancee · 13th Jul 2008, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by revolutionrock

If you can't express joy for a new season of Desperate Housewives, there's something wrong with you.

Who's Desperate Housewives?

revolutionrock · 13th Jul 2008, 01:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shakerdancee

Quote:

Originally Posted by revolutionrock

If you can't express joy for a new season of Desperate Housewives, there's something wrong with you.

Who's Desperate Housewives?

*explodes*

12th Jul 2008, 03:38 PM	#1
zumbo Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Age: 22 Posts: 64 Join Date: Aug 2007	How about the effems? Straight-acting is very popular nowadays. Bisexuals do not have any problem with this but how about effems? I can see that straight-acting homosexuals and bisexuals are revolutionizing the way most people think about homosexuality. I can't help think that someday the race of effeminate or flamboyant homosexuals will vanish to conform to the straight-acting mainstream.

12th Jul 2008, 03:44 PM	#2
Hoppip look at the good i do Full Member Gender: Lv. 18 ♂ Orientation: Water / Dragon Out Status: Uncommon Location: Johto Posts: 1,562 Join Date: May 2008	Re: How about the effems? I'm femme. I don't mind other femmes. I don't try to be femme, but I decided not to suppress it. I'm femme. I think some guys try to hard to be macho - it's easier to just be yourself. __________________ KUDOS ME. I made myshelf pregnant.

12th Jul 2008, 03:51 PM	#3
yahooooo Guest Posts: n/a	Re: How about the effems? Okay - I realise you are probably looking for guys but this just struk a cord with something I have been thinking about. Just as lots of people see femme as a steriotypical gay guy, gay girls are supposed to be macho and butch. Naturally I am not very feminine. I never have been it's just not me but for some reason since I realised I was gay I have found myself actually acting more feminine as I don't want to be seen as a steriotype even if that steriostype is naturally how I am?? Confusing hey?? But anyway I think people should just try and be themselves and not care what people think - so much easier said than done though!!!

12th Jul 2008, 03:53 PM	#4
Fiorino Fio Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Most people Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina Posts: 1,005 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: How about the effems? Sure, I prefer "straight-acting" guys, but I don't think that all gay guys will end up being like that. First of all, since when do you have to be effiminate to be gay? That's just a stereotype. I don't think that because a guy is "straight-acting", he is trying to act straight either, maybe he was just brought up that way, and it's who he is. I have nothing against femmes, they're not for me, but I respect that they're their own persons and don't try to conform to fit in. I say, just be yourself. There are effiminate gays just as there are straight-acting ones. __________________ Why is it that as a culture, we're more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?

12th Jul 2008, 04:53 PM	#6
Davo Is mise Daibhidh Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Almost out to everyone Location: Scotland Age: 25 Posts: 434 Join Date: Sep 2007	Re: How about the effems? Like Fiorino said, everyone should just be themselves. I'm straight acting, but couldn't be femme if I tried, even around people who know I'm gay. I guess its down to where I grew up, and having been in the closet for so long. Maybe if I was out from the beginning I'd grow up to be more effeminate, or maybe not. Who knows? I dont like the idea of femmes going against what feels natural for them, or anyone for that matter. Flamboyant homosexuals shouldn't have to tone down if they want a straight acting boyfriend, they don't have to, I'm sure there are plenty of straight acting gay people who are looking for someone effeminate

12th Jul 2008, 05:15 PM	#7
Wander Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Parents, aunts, grandma, counselor, online friends Location: Central Alabama Age: 18 Posts: 2,360 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: How about the effems? The only thing is, it's not "straight-acting" for me. There's no acting involved, I'm just myself. It just so happens that "myself" isn't incredibly feminine. I have a few girlish mannerisms, and my face isn't as blocky as some guys I know, but that's about it.

12th Jul 2008, 07:59 PM	#8
Jebs Is back for a while. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Eh. Dunno. Out Status: -1 Location: DC area Age: 24 Posts: 348 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: How about the effems? I really don't care for 'effems' too much. I don't have a problem with anyone being that, it is just not my type. __________________ [Jebs] 10:06 pm: hmm i guess i'll just wear what i normally wear [tylerksub] 10:07 pm: you could do a follow up investigation in assless chaps to see if it changes any

12th Jul 2008, 09:10 PM	#9
GunStarre Guest Posts: n/a	Re: How about the effems? I'm very femme. I don't try hiding it. I don't try to change it. And I don't really care if others think it's too stereotypical. It's what I'm used to. And if I change myself, I know I won't like it. I'll date femmes or straight-"acting" guys. ... just as long as that straight-act isn't an act. It's just who he is.

12th Jul 2008, 09:36 PM	#10
Micah ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to All Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 23 Posts: 2,532 Join Date: Feb 2005	Re: How about the effems? I sort of found that someones mannerisms aren't really all that important, so long as they're a decent person. /shrug __________________ 　／l、（ﾟ､｡７　l、 ~ヽ　じしf_, )ノ

12th Jul 2008, 09:41 PM	#11
Beebo the cat what has facial hair. Full Member Gender: MAN Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto Age: 23 Posts: 893 Join Date: Feb 2008	Re: How about the effems? Some feminen acting guys are really hot to me. Some seem too fake, maybe there are gay people who feel like they must conform to the steryotipical standard and act femme. Anyways, I am attracted to people who are interesting and fun, who have things in common with me, who are interested in me and who happen to have a male body. If that person has a femme personality, I just see it as another worldly accent. Like a british person or an australian. Crotch? Yes! __________________ New Song up. a rough version of "The Ghost of Adam".(I will be adding more.)

12th Jul 2008, 10:14 PM	#12
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,370 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: How about the effems? Nope, it ain't gonna die out. Up until about twenty, thirty years ago, no man (gay or straight) wanted to act like a femme. Because then, to be femme was to be gay, to be gay was to be femme, and to be either was to be shunned by society. And it was like that for many years leading up to our somewhat more enlightened times. If THAT didn't force femminess to "die out", I certainly don't think "trying to snag a guy who wants a straight-acting guy" will do it. They are who they are, and that kicks butt. Lex

12th Jul 2008, 10:24 PM	#13
revolutionrock Diggin' the obviousness. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Arizona Age: 21 Posts: 246 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: How about the effems? I do think I'm attracted more to manly men, but I think it's because I'm kind of a femme myself. I'm not really ashamed of it - I am what I am. But as such, I'm not really attracted to other femmes. I dunno if this is some sort of complex on my part, or just a built in yin/yang thing in my brain. Macho isn't really attractive though. I think like the strong, silent type I suppose.

12th Jul 2008, 10:42 PM	#14
LOVEjames \o/ Love! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 4.9 Out Status: Pretty out Location: Seattle, WA Age: 21 Posts: 1,075 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: How about the effems? I'm a bit of a femme, and when I'm around people other than my family, I happily express it. I'm not all that into the stereotypical things, but I'm definitely interested in a lot of the things that most girls are. I say "Oh my goddddd." quite a bit, and I'll happily express my joy for things most guys wouldn't. I don't have a problem with it. I'm more attracted to a little more... stronger seeming people. I mean, they can be completely effeminate, but just as long as they're strong. That's the thing that I'm attracted to the most. __________________ La la la la la.

12th Jul 2008, 11:28 PM	#17
LOVEjames \o/ Love! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 4.9 Out Status: Pretty out Location: Seattle, WA Age: 21 Posts: 1,075 Join Date: Apr 2008	Re: How about the effems? For me, it seems like guys don't really get terribly excited. Or when they do, they express it in a terribly macho way. I will scream and jump up and down. xD >_> And yes, I will do it for a new season of Desperate Housewives. __________________ La la la la la.

13th Jul 2008, 01:01 AM	#18
revolutionrock Diggin' the obviousness. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Arizona Age: 21 Posts: 246 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: How about the effems? If you can't express joy for a new season of Desperate Housewives, there's something wrong with you. That's all I'm trying to say.