People often ask whether its possible for (straight) men and women to be "just friends," without sexual tension existing in the relationship. I noticed a thread on here asking the same question about gay guys not too long ago (I can't find it now for some reason). If some people really believe this is an unavoidable problem, I can see where the stereotype that bisexual people are all super-promiscuous comes from. Even beyond that, what about things that are sometimes only acceptable between people who aren't attracted to each other's genders. "Sleepovers" for example: if a straight guy is dating a girl, he probably won't crash at his female friend's house, because it probably would make his girlfriend uncomfortable. By conventional logic, this seems to suggest that a bi person in a relationship can't sleepover anywhere. I'm not entirely sure where I meant to go with all this. I suspect most people on here will agree with me that being bi doesn't mean everyone is a possible dating opportunity. Personally, I have friends of both genders who I consider perfectly attractive, but whom I've built long-standing platonic relationships with that I would never be tempted to bring sex/romance into. I have one female friend whose house I stay over at all the time - sometimes even sharing the same bed - without it ever getting remotely non-platonic. This has even happened when one of us was in a relationship, with the significant other's approval; in this case, I think my bisexuality made things less awkward by making me a less threatening figure to my friend's bf. I suspect that usually isn't the case though. Anyway, long story short: do you, O non-monosexuals of EC, feel that you have friendships where sex and romance just couldn't conceivably become an issue? Are other people skeptical of this? Or do allies and other LGBT people tend to take your word for it?
Yes, I'm bi, fairly quick to affection, and yet have some friends I'd never consider dating. By and large, though, I would get with most people I know well XD.
Oh wow, this is a great post. Yes, there are male friends I can have sleepovers with (their girlfriends still get jealous, even if I lie and say I'm totally gay to get the point across that it's platonic), and there are female friends I can have sleepovers with (although this is a little more awkward because I feel like a creep sometimes). It's hard to explain how there's just this switch, and once it's turned off there is just no chance. I really do wish people would stop presuming we can't keep our hands to ourselves! That said, I also wish girls would stop using my bisexuality as an excuse for kissing me when they already have boyfriends or they know I'm taken. Guys are much safer for sleepovers, since they tend to take flirtation/touching more seriously and avoid it if one of us is seeing someone already. Just something I've noticed.
This is actually the precise reason I'm afraid to tell any of my girlfriends how I feel about my sexuality. I already have very few, but good friends. I know I would lose some of them.
This is such a complicated topic, but it has an effect on lots of things. Most if not all of my female friends are platonic and I don't see sex or romance ever being a problem. One of them has a boyfriend and he's perfectly okay with us hanging out because he knows I won't try anything (he doesn't know I'm bi though; he's kind of homophobic). Another works with me, and I know several of our co-workers think we're dating, even though we never have and probably never will. I'm not out at work (that might change), so explaining is kind of hard and people still don't believe me. But I definitely love my friend situation.
Funny, but I've been thinking about that these days! Especially now, because I'm going on a field trip with classmates/friends and will be sleeping together... They never had a problem with me though (the ones that know that is) . For me it's me that feels uncomfortable with girls / friends (and boys) when, for example are in their swimsuits and all... But I could never see my best friends in that way. It's totally different. I can't explain it very well but they seem to understand it pretty fine cause they have never freaked out or anything. However this time I'm sleeping over with 4 other friends (girls) on this field trip (including my crush) and will see what happens...
The majority of my friendships are like this. Even though I do consider myself to be demisexual, which means quite a few of my crushes have been on newer friends/acquaintances, I would never dream of entering a relationship with any of my friends. What gender they are doesn't factor into it at all either, since I have a good balance of girl and guy friends. It helps that I'm the most awkward being on the planet. Because of that, my friends and family all know that I don't have any romantic intentions behind my actions. My best friend is completely unfazed by the idea of having sleepovers with me or constantly giving me hugs. Even my parents knew I would never make advances on my friends! I can remember asking my mom if I could go to an out of town convention. It was going to be me and five other female friends sharing one hotel room, with my one of my friend's parents in the room next door. My mom thought about it, looked at me and said "You can go, just be safe... and no sex," as a joke. I assured her that there indeed would be no sex. But nobody's ever given me any trouble about it ever since.
Friendships, romantic relationships, and hookups are all completely separate things. I have a number of gay, straight, and bisexual friends, ranging in age from early 20s to 60s. Among my friends in their 20s, most are gay, and the boundaries have always been clear. Two of them are in a relationship, and two others are single. They regularly hug, touch, trade massages, wrestle with each other... and even go to clothing-optional hot springs together... but everyone is clear on where the boundaries lie. There's no sexual activity (except between the couple) or sexual tension. Now... I've had other friends who were the total opposite, and hit on pretty much everything and anything with a pulse. But for whatever reason, those friends sort of drifted out of my friends circle, probably because they didn't fit. I do know that on the whole, the issue of hookups and sexual tension among friends attracted to one another is real (whether bi or gay or straight, I don't think it matters). But there are certainly people who can establish and maintain clear boundaries. Now... the people who are clear about boundaries are also people who have done a lot of self-work, are fluent in shame resilience, vulnerability, and authenticity, and are good at authentic communication with one another. So that's probably a non-representative sample, and I think the shame resilience work is probably a big piece of why that works.
I don't have any problem being just friends with either gender. I would never cheat my boyfriend, and am not interested in hook ups anyway. But yes, I have been attracted to other people than my boyfriend. Even if I find someone attractive doesn't mean I can't be just friends with them. Also, not many of my friends are attractive to me... I think they are just regular people for most part. I don't think this is a big problem as long as the other person knows you are taken and respects it. And, of course, as long as you respect your own relationship enough. I can see problems coming along if one is not satisfied in their relationship, and starts looking for comfort from friendships...
Jargon! LTNS!! I love this post (but I'd draw the line at sleeping with it :lol. I am, embarrassingly, still figuring all this out. I find myself at least potentially sexually drawn to most people I get close to. But that doesn't mean I'm "a danger" to myself or others...I've also been monogamous with my partner for coming up on 28 years for cryin' out loud. Yes, I do have several close friends (including some I'm quite attracted to) with whom I simply would not consider sex or romance...there is fantasy and possibility, and then there is physical and emotional reality. Some friendships are too precious to risk indulging fantasies. And some fantasies just wouldn't work out in reality. I think humans are simply way too hung up about sex...and way too invested in hetero-normative assumptions. As a bi woman with a longstanding female partner, I still think society would be much more concerned about the propriety of me sharing sleeping space with a man (gay or straight) than with a woman (gay or straight). And I think this extends to monosexuality as well: people would be concerned with the propriety of a gay man sleeping with a woman (gay or straight) than they would be if he slept with a man (gay or straight)...with the exception, of course, that if the man is straight, *he* might be concerned, particularly if he's the least bit homophobic.
I have sleepovers with other female friends who are bi and lesbian all the time, and we don't have interest in each other that way haha. My best friend, thoguh, I can't look at that way. Like, I know she is absolutely gorgeous with pretty much a perfect body, but it's more of an admiration/jealousy sort of thing? i am not attracted to her whatsoever, she is like a sister and I just could never see her that way, no matter how good-looking I know she is.
I have a few friends, to whom I'm not attracted at all. But I also have a few friends to whom I am a bit attracted (or a lot :icon_sad. I really don't wish a relationship/doing anything sexual with them if they're not into guys.. I wouldn't mind to date a friend who's into guys/me and if I'm attracted to her/him, but I don't have such a friend. If I'm attracted to a friend I try to hide and suppress it. It's really annoying sometimes, it does work for me, but it feels awkward sometimes.
I have absolutely NO issues with this. I may be quick to crush on people but i have no problem sleeping at friends houses. My boyfriend knows i'm bi but doesn't freak about it either, and thats because he knows I am the faithful kind. I also have a wierd thing where i rarely crush on female friends, just girls i barely know.
Just because I'm bi doesn't mean that I have a crush on everyone. I should still be able to have a sleep over - I don't have a crush on my friends and I'm certainly not going to try anything.
