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Is Preference Racist?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by BucKeTz, Mar 3, 2014.

  1. BucKeTz

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    I got in a debate with a friend over whether or not preference can be racist. For instance, I personally find white men more attractive than black men. This does not affect how I perceive them as a person, but only how physically attracted to them I am. I see this as no different from saying that "red-heads are hot" or "I'm not a fan of brunettes." My friend on the other hand said that It shouldn't matter and that I am tricking myself to thinking I'm not racist. Just curious to hear opinions on the matter.
     
  2. Aussie792

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    No, it usually is related to racism. We're all fed social cues on what to find beautiful and who makes better partners from a very young age, and they're usually white. Being attracted to mainly white people may not be intentionally racist, but it usually is the result of racism. In any case, white people who say they are exclusively attracted to white people generally don't have the greatest track-record when it comes to racial tolerance. It's a lot more sensitive than hair colour*, because there has never been mass-discrimination or power held by one hair colour over others. Anyway, it's important to question why you're more attracted to white men, and it usualy has a reason not randomly determined by some socially-isolated part of your brain.

    *when this conversation comes up, it's almost always the hair colour of some white people compared to other white people, or at least it is in my experience. Not a legitimate comparison in most situations. Hair is actually a part of racial discrimation, to some extent.
     
  3. Simple Thoughts

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    I completely disagree with 90% of this statement.

    I agree that someone who's exclusively attracted to one race vs. the other might be problematic.

    Having a preference, however, is not racist at all. Each person has their own taste, their own attraction. Body type for example. Some people like curvy, some people like toned, some people like twigs. It's not really racist it's just a preference. Me, for example, prefer white men/women but I'd never turn down a man/woman on the grounds of being black ( Personally I find Nicki Manaj to be rather attractive. I so know I spelled her name wrong -.-' Well most of the time some of her crazy hairstyles are weird to me, but her body...WOW! )

    I don't think someone should feel ashamed that they have a preference. I think they should feel ashamed if they're going to judge someone based on something silly like that, but every person has a right to feel attracted to their partner.
     
  4. Fallingdown7

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    I don't believe just preferring white people makes someone racist. I mean yeah if you made hateful judgments about them as people, refused to be their friends, then sure, it would be, but it doesn't necessarily make you bigoted for having a preference. By that logic, all gay men are sexist because they don't want to date women, or don't prefer to.
     
  5. BucKeTz

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    I can see your point, and to a degree, I may be racist in that sense. However, I can safely say that I have never shown any signs of discrimination (racial or otherwise) and am extremely open-minded.

    That said, I think one must either declare it as all racist or none of it. The color of one's skin is just a trait. I would have no attraction to fat men. Does this mean I hate fat people? I truly believe some people make this more of an issue than it is. Or more specifically, don't like that I am making it such a non-issue. I didn't grow up with any discrimination around me and was taught tolerance from a young age. Yes there was a mass-discrimination of it and there still is, but just like being gay, it is just a trait that some people don't want to like.

    So if you think disliking any trait (controllable or not) is discrimination, then i believe you have a valid point. But picking and choosing some over the other starts to blur lines and loses validity.
     
  6. ZenMusic

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    Hmm...well I'm black, and I prefer White and Asian men. There is nothing wrong with having a preference, but the reasons for having those reasons can be a different matter.

    ---------- Post added 3rd Mar 2014 at 09:13 PM ----------

    *preferences
     
  7. BelleFromHell

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    Couldn't have said it better myself. :eusa_clap
    I'm slightly mixed (white, native American, and a little hispanic), and I don't really have a "type" when it comes to race. I find women of all races to be attractive. That being said, I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring a certain race as long as you aren't too close-minded about it. (!)
     
  8. resu

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    Objectively, it is wrong when people say "I don't see color" because they really can see the differences in appearance between groups of people. Research has shown that people often confuse those who are of a different race/ethnicity because they are unable to distinguish them as well as they are in distinguishing those of the same race. This implies that the person is using stereotypes of appearance and not carefully understanding the diversity in features.

    Here's how I would evaluate your situation. You're in New Hampshire, which is very ethnically homogenous at 94% whites and only 1% blacks. Interestingly, asians are the largest minority (though only 2%). Therefore, it's likely you have been exposed to mostly white people if you grew up in that state, who are also the dominant race in terms of the media and cultural standards of beauty. If you're white yourself, then you have an even greater chance of favoring whites as "more attractive."

    Also, being fat is not the same as having a different skin color because weight, while having a genetic component, is greatly variable by diet and the amount of exercise. Moreover, physical fitness is a very universal marker of beauty throughout cultures and races. Skin color, on the other hand, is something that is basically fixed from birth, and it is a very quick marker that people use to determine racial identity and then to use that knowledge to cast judgment of beauty.
     
  9. Aphrodite

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    I don't think preference is racist at all. In a biological point of view many animals choose mates depending on certain features or color markings on the bodies, if being racist was such a thing in the animal kingdom, everything from ants to whales would be racists. It is all about psychology and the type of people you find attractive.
     
  10. C P

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    A big issue is how many people actually use 'preference' to disguise things like racism(although not always the case). They usually make up imaginary scenarios to save face, although that's their problem honestly.

    A preference would be if a certain race sticks out to you more than others(in an attractive sense), but you are obviously open to others as well.

    I don't care what you 'prefer' but if you will dismiss an opportunity to be with someone of another race simply because they are that race, you may not be exactly racist, but you are definitely prejudiced as all hell.


    I'm with you Aussie honestly.
     
  11. gravechild

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    For me, preference would mean you're potentially attracted to more than one type of person, but lean more towards one than the other. When someone says, "I would never date, sleep with, befriend, etc a ___; it's just a preference," that's just a nicer way of saying they're prejudiced without risking backlash. Although it's problematic, I'd much rather have someone show their true colors and tell me what they really think than to play along and only later reveal their true selves.

    What makes the situation so nasty is the fact that racial minorities have historically been banned from many places of establishment and forbidden from having relations with whites, the idea that whiteness is not only a standard, but an ideal, in many parts of the West, and their numerical superiority in these countries. So while a lot of people see nothing malicious in it, they are contributing to a system of oppression, unknowingly.

    If a black man were to go on some mainstream gay dating site and make a profile saying, "No whites" or "only coloreds, blacks, etc." he probably wouldn't be taken seriously, and a fair number of people would look him over, both white and non-white alike. He might even be attacked for saying that. It just wouldn't have the same effect in the end, since he couldn't use his minority status to his advantage in the same way. That's why it's a less common trend overall, but I get the feeling that even if it were common, some people would be just fine with that.

    By the way, I love slim body types, dark hair, and almond eyes, traits that can be found across the spectrum, so obviously this is going to play into my views. I could see how someone who prefers blonds, or heavily "Asian" features would feel a lot more of a pull towards certain ethnic or racial groups. The majority of my town is Hispanic or Southeast Asian, and most of my exes have been from either of the two groups, but preference had little to do with it.

    So I think it's a combination of environment and biology.
     
  12. An Gentleman

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    No.
    For example, as a general rule, I'm only attracted to East Asians.
    Does this make me racist? No.
    I would be racist if I started dismissing other races as inferior.

    As for Aussie's statement up there, I completely disagree (as usual).
    Your attraction to men didn't sprout from society's expectations, or, at least, I don't think so...
    Now, Australia is generally pretty accepting about LGBTs, so it wouldn't exactly be discouraged either.
    However, there's no country that tells gays what they should consider attractive.
     
  13. Ridiculous

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    There is so much variation within ethnicities, not to mention those with mixed ethnicities, that to discount entire groups with blanket statements like "I only like white people" (or the milder "I prefer white people") is problematic. None of us have been exposed to any ethnicity enough to make statements like that without being prejudiced.

    It isn't really comparable to saying "I prefer brunettes," as hair colour is just a single trait that you either have or you don't. Race dictates multiples traits: skin colour, eye colour, hair colour, height, size, muscularity, voice, nose shape, mouth shape, and so on. Lumping all of these traits together into one and then making your decisions based on that (i.e. their race), rather than judging someone by those individual traits separately, is problematic.

    Statements like "I prefer white people" imply this is what you are doing.
    You may not actually be doing this, but saying that implies you are (to me at least).
     
  14. Jonathan

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    To paraphrase something I said in a similar thread awhile ago:

    I think there is a difference between people saying that a trait is unattractive compared to they are not attracted to a specific trait. The former is implying that the trait must be negatively viewed by the whole of society, which is impossible. The latter is saying that the specific individual does not have a preference for that trait, which I do not believe is wrong. Some people like grape jelly, and some people like strawberry. Now just because a person likes grape jelly does not mean that they believe strawberry jelly to be innately inferior. Rather, they just have a preference for that one variant of jelly. Just because that one person likes grape jelly doesn't mean that nobody likes strawberry jelly either. Each of them has people that finds themselves more inclined to one or the other. That being said, not all brands of those two jellies are the same either. That pro-grape person may dislike the taste of the majority of strawberry jelly brands, but then finds one that he thinks is particularly delicious. Now while the brands all may have the common characteristic of being strawberry jelly, they have a plethora of different aspects that make them different from one another. Am I taking this metaphor too far? Maybe...but I think it works lol

    Normally, when threads pop up that ask about what your "type" is, I answer that I do not have one and that, to me, it all depends on the person as a whole. However, for the discussion of this thread, I'm going to have to speak about trends I notice in my attraction patterns. For the most part, I find myself attracted to people with light skin color. This is not saying that I immediately discount people based on their skin color. Like I mentioned before, attraction to me is based upon the person as a whole. It is just a statistical statement that the majority of the people I find myself attracted to have that one trait. Now, just because the majority have that trait does not mean that other variants are inferior in any way, but it appears that I have a slight preference for it. Referring back to the jelly metaphor, just because I have a preference for that one type does not mean that every once in awhile I don't find a person in one of those variants attractive. It does happen. There have been some guys with dark skin color that I have found very attractive. It is just that it seems to happen less often than people with a lighter skin color. I would agree that to eliminate a person based *solely* on skin color would be somewhat bigoted. However, to say that one is racist because the ratios of their attractions for a specific trait (in this case skin color) are not 50:50 for light and dark is ridiculous.
     
  15. AlamoCity

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    I can understand preferences as a way to maintain the status quo and all that you've know, especially if you live in a very insular community. That said, as Ridiculous stated, to dismiss entire races/ethnicities outright could be a symptom of some level of prejudice or bias, though not necessarily "racist." This can also be more obvious if "preferences" turn into rigid parameters. If you can't even give a nice guy/gal the time of day, then there may be underlying issues.
     
  16. Karabeara

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    I don't think it's racist. People have broadened the meaning of racism beyond its limits. In school people will call you racist for describing someone as a black, blue haired girl. As long as you're not discriminating or denying having feelings for someone just because of their race it's not racist. If you're not attracted to someone you're not attracted to someone. That's like saying lesbians or gays are sexist because they aren't attracted to they opposite gender.
     
  17. Straight ally

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    I date people that are both beautiful outside and inside. If you are only beautiful inside in my eyes, i might not date you, but we can be good friends. If you are only beautiful outside, then you might get a "hello" and a "how was your day?" But i wont invest much time and energy in you, as it would be a waste for you and me.

    That i, most of the time, like pale skin the most and black skin the least...that is not racism is because of sexual preference. Just like i dont discriminate people that are "the jealous type" is just personality (relationship wise) preference.

    Being too fixed to certain small range of phisical(or personal) traits give you smaller dating pool compared to people who are more flexible....but hey! If you are patient and persistent enought to wait for whoever fits with your type, well... Go for it... Going for an specific mold is not obligatory, neither is obligatory not going for it... Do you prefer a partner earlier, or one that goes with your mold? Both seem tempting options to me actually .

    Just dont judge people personalities based on phisical caracteristic, that would be stupid...

    By the way im latin with a mixture of races, so i have both black and white predeccesors in my genealogy. So is not about white supremacism or something like that...and yes there are people that are black or mixed that i find beautiful too...
     
  18. BucKeTz

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    All initial attraction is physical. Honestly, "love at first sight" pretty much translates to "He's hot (or at least turns you on somehow)" So if was to take all the people that I found gave me a little tingle, then I best be sure that they are equal in certain traits?

    That makes no sense. I am looking at this from an objective view. Have there been black men I thought were attractive? YES. In the ratio of people of that race I have seen to the number I thought were potential mates, was it greater than for white men? NO. You are correct with individual traits that collectively make up the features of said person, but then it is still a preference to a combination of traits. If one person has generally found that they prefer the combination typically associated with a white male over that typically associated with a black male, it is still a preference. While yes, one could break it down into the individual traits that make them prefer one person over the other, the result is still the same.

    Now I would like to make this clear. This is based on preference, not an absolute. Given a choice and if I knew nothing about them beyond what they looked like physically, (i.e. I am not discussing their personality) I have statistically [thought of] approaching (with intention to mate) more white men than black men. Honestly, even that scenario doesn't really work because I can't develop a complete image in my head for it. Still anyone that has had a choice of approaching one of two people in a club makes the decision based on personal observations.

    So will I avoid dating a black person because they are black? NEVER. But if the aforementioned ratio seems to say I am physically attracted to white males more often than black males, I feel as if it is safe to say, "I prefer white males."

    As for there being so many races, it is an opinion which is entirely personal. If one has never seen a person of that race, then that race does not factor into the equation. So though one may actually be extremely attracted to Hispanics (sorry for generality), if that person has never seen a Hispanic, then his/her opinion will formed without Hispanics as a possibility. So the blanket statement is still true.
     
  19. Foster

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    If preference is racist, then sexual orientation is sexist.



    My point? We don't control who we're attracted to. Discrimination is a choice. Racism is a choice. Attraction is not. If I only feel attracted to Asians, that's not my choice. It also doesn't mean I'm discriminating against every other race or implying that every other race is inferior to the one I'm attracted to.
     
  20. wildernesswolf

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    honestly I don't see how this is any different from having a sexual preference. I like women a lot more than men. how is this honestly different.

    ---------- Post added 4th Mar 2014 at 09:09 AM ----------

    sorry I actually didn't see this