My cat just died. :-(

I'm still processing it, but I knew it was coming. I did everything I could to try and keep her going, but cancer finally got her.

RIP, Sassy:
April 1999 - March 5, 2014

Very sad right now, but trying to hold it in. :icon_sad:

 

Thanks. She wanted to give up weeks ago when she stopped eating all together, however I managed to coax her into eating again by giving her lots of her favorite food. Sadly, two days ago she stopped eating that, and stopped drinking as well.

I was on my way to the veterinarian hoping they'd think of something, perhaps give her an IV and she'd regain some strength. Unfortunately, she died on the way there. I'm regretting a bit trying to take her to the vet, as I would have preferred for her to die at home in a happy place - rather than her carrier while in the car.

I'm regretting not being able to hold her when she died. However, it was clear that the end was near... I was just holding out some type of hope.

She was a moody calico who had a bitchy personality. That's kinda what made me love her. Moody, dominant, with a I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck attitude. She wanted to lay on the desk and you have a pile of papers there? She'd look you straight in the eye and shove them in the floor, and then promptly plop down.

I remember when she was younger taking her to the vet, and asking why she seem to just display a huge amount of anti-social behavior. (Even with the other cats.) They attempted to diagnose her with some type of mood disorder, and actually gave me medicine to give her. I gave it to her for about a month, but she hated taking it - so I stopped giving it. I learned to love her moody quirks, and I'm pretty sure she loved me back. I think I was the only person in the entire world that she really trusted.

She was my oldest, and she's seen me through so much of my life. It's hard to picture waking up and knowing that she's gone and isn't coming back.

I'm glad she isn't suffering though. Toward the end, I could tell things were getting harder and harder on her. She was getting weaker and weaker. She couldn't even jump up on stuff anymore - she was no longer strong enough.

I'm not sure what to do with her remains yet. I'm thinking about having her cremated and using her ashes to forge some LifeGems.

 

C P -

Yeah, that's what she was like - she didn't play well with others. I have three other cats, all male. I used to laugh about how different she was to them. The three male cats get along with each other so well, even cleaning each other. She refused to let them touch her in any way shape or form.

She was also the smartest out of all of them - by far. She used to do little cruel things to screw with the other cats. Like, for example, attempting to hide the food dish or cover it up so they couldn't eat. She was like a little lady when it came to her food. The male cats would chow down like little pigs, but she would sit there and take her time - taking cute little delicate lady bites.

Right now, I'm doing that stupid thing people do after someone dies. Going over things again and again, doubting the choices I made. Like, for example, wondering if I should have opted for some type of treatment. However, I know that any treatment would have just made things harder on her - it would have been confusing and frightening. She wouldn't have understood what was going on, and really I would have been doing it for selfish reasons. Still, that doesn't make it any easier.

The other part of me keeps replaying how things played out again and again. I remember driving and hearing some weak cries coming from her carrier. I'd never heard her sound so weak in her life. It was almost like a whisper. That's when she was dying, although I didn't know that yet. When I got there, I took her inside and checked... and realized it didn't look like she was breathing any more.

It's kinda a stunned like feeling that washed over me. Almost as if it couldn't be happening. That maybe I was wrong, and they could save her. That's what I was bringing her there for - to be saved. It's sort of a moment when logic turns off in your brain, because you're not prepared for the truth. I went over to the receptionist and told her that I think she stopped breathing. I noticed the panicked look on her face, but I didn't really feel panicked - I was... sort of stunned. They rushed her into the back.

A few moments later I was called into one of the private rooms where they examine the animals. Part of me was holding out hope, that I had gotten there on time... but when the Veterinarian walked in she was silent. No carrier. No cat. I could tell what was coming before she said anything. She just looked at me and shook her head.

I just took a deep breath, nodded slightly, and said "Okay. She's dead then? She didn't make it?" The Vet touched my arm, and told me that she was sorry. She told me that I had done my best. She spoke some more, but I really wasn't listening. I was trying not to break down, and trying to figure out what to do.

The entire way there, I was afraid. I was afraid that they were going to tell me that her death was imminent, and that I needed to make a decision on whether or not to put her down. I was afraid that they were going to try and talk me into putting her down... and I wasn't prepared to make that decision. Turned out... I didn't have to.