Hi I haven't been on here for a while. I hope you are all well...so...heres my latest problem. I have had about 4 sexual encounters with guys...i have got hard a few times but never cum. I have wanked them off and i received a bj once. Anyway the problem is that i seem to have difticulty getting hard and staying hard..and as i said i havent cum myself when with a guy.Last night a guy came round to my flat for no strings fun... i told him i hadnt had a great deal of sexual experience with guys....he was the complete oppposite and said he has a long term partner of 16 years and they have sex and also threesomes together...he openly admitted he has a high sex drive. I dont know whether it is worth mentioning but i had a better body than him as i go to the gym quite a bit i am quite muscular...he had a larger belly than me and was less toned..he did have an attractive face and i still found his body appealing. In the bedroom i started to rub him through his trousers and i gave him head. We did some kissing and i was rubbing myself against his body. I took my shirt off but i didnt take my jeans off. Anyway i sucked him off for quite a while and wanked him....he then wanked himself to finish whilst i watched. He never touched my crotch area or offered to do anything to me after he had cum. Whilst rubbing myself against him (with my jeans on) i didnt really get hard....but i was very nervous and sober lol.anyways this seems to be a repeat issue with my erection (i must add i have no problems masterbating or cumming ) when i watch porn. I want to know peoples opinions on whether the other guy was completely selfish and didnt touch me or offer to suck me off is that why i didnt get hard....or as this has now happend a few times maybe i am just not into casual hook ups and i will never be able to climax? I am starting to think that maybe if i had a partner who i could get to know the sex would be less awkward? Or maybe i just have an extremely low sex drive? My health i would say is very good; i dont smoke; i don't drink much and i hit the.gym 4 times a week every week. I would.love to hear peoples opinions and guidance!!!! Thanks for listening Neo.:lol:
I 'm not into hooks but I only did it once but i'm more of a relationship person . But if some one wasn't into like compromising like giving and receiving and only wanted to receive it would bother me to and I just wouldn't enjoy myself I think that happened to you
It is pretty selfish on his part, but by the sounds of things it wouldn't have made any difference anyway. You mention sex drive. So sex drive is just a term for how much you feel like you want to do sex stuff. It's basically entirely your call how high or low it is, and even if it was low it wouldn't necessarily cause the problem you're talking about. As you said, it could well be nerves and you may well find that hook-ups just aren't for you. I know I would be freaking the hell out if I wasn't really comfortable with a person. I could probably do stuff to them but I have no idea if I would enjoy it or not... Have you actually had a relationship and tested this idea?
I'd say because hookups are meaningless. Just the thought of sex without an emotional connection is sickening to me... I don't know how anyone could give someone they don't love access to their body. :dry:
Thanks for the replies...its interesting to see peoples opinions. Stocking : the other guy said he is a selfish lover with his current partner so i guess he is maybe used to just recieving pleasure and not giving it. He did make a throwaway comment about maybe hooking up again. I don't know how i feel about that. I cant see the point if it is the same as last night. ---------- Post added 17th Mar 2014 at 12:17 AM ---------- Ellia:: no i havent had a relationship with anyone...i have dated a few blokes but it never reached the stage of sex...just kissing really. So one side i have the awkward jump into bed hook ups and on the other side i have dating that never goes anywhere serious or physical....i dont really know how to find something else!!!! ---------- Post added 17th Mar 2014 at 12:24 AM ---------- Belle: i would like to find someone i care about and be intimate with that person but i am 34 years old and after not finding a partner i feel i am becoming a bit desperate to be intimate..to kiss ...to touch.. to be touched. I have been dating for 4 years but dates have rarely gone to date number 3 and have never become sexual...so hook ups at the moment seem my only option out of desperation really!
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound judgemental, I'm just trying to put myself in your shoes. You could try online dating or masterbating. Neither really work for me, but I heard they work wonders for some people.
I was in a 3yr relationship with a guy who was very selfish in bed - he only cared about whether or not he was having a good time and that was it. It got to be very tedious and annoying after a while I'd avoid any further contact with the guy you met as there would seem to be no point in it unless you are the sort of person who just really gets off on only giving your sex partner pleasure without them returning the favor - and you don't sound like that is the case for you. I don't see any problem with hookups personally, bu they are not for everyone and they don't really sound like they are for you. I'd suggest that if you aren't getting any particular pleasure out of them, then it might be more productive to spend your time on trying to meet people that might turn into relationships (or even just friendships). Ok - so you've not had great luck with dating so far and it hasn't reached the point of sex - but it sounds like your hookups aren't really getting you much actual sex either (at least of the receiving pleasure variety) - so does not doing hookups really take much from your life? I'd suggest getting involved in some LGBT social groups, such that you hopefully develop a circle of friends that you can have fun with and who you enjoy being around. Ok, you're not having sex with them, but it still sounds like that would be more fun than what you're going through now. And it's possible that you might meet someone that way that you really like and that likes you - and as such you may end up dating and having sex, presumably with the emotional component that is lacking in your hookups right now. Which would hopefully result in you being both aroused and orgasming as part of the process. Hope this helps, Todd
@Neo - I think the best and most fulfilling sex is to be found in a relationship where two people love and care intimately about each other on an emotional, physical and sexual level. Casual hook-ups don't equal good sexual experiences as you don't have that intimate connection with the other person and there is no guarantee that your needs will be met. In a good relationship you'll have the time to explore each other and find out how to turn each other on to the best effect. You'll know each other so well that you can time things to near perfection and there is nothing better than all of that to help you perform in bed. Quality over quantity every time! Others may disagree (and I don't mean this to sound judgemental) but I think hook ups are simply based on satisfying a selfish need - as long as you get off, you're fine and sod the other person. That's what happened to you and it feels shitty, doesn't it? Bad experiences like this may even contribute to the performance issues you've experienced as it can build anxiety. I hear what you say about forming relationships, but you are far from 'over the hill' at 34. If you're taking care of yourself too, you are already doing a lot to appeal to other guys. Do you know what sort of guy you are looking to date and can you remember why previous attempts at serious dating failed? I reckon dating is a bit of a game anyway Neo, and you've gotta be prepared to play it a little to win at it. I know I had to. I didn't enjoy it as it's a game of chance and you feel deflated when it goes wrong, but I just gave it everything and came good in the end.
I cant really put my finger on why the blokes i have dated havent gone anywhere some of them simply stopped texting. One of them was wayyy hypersensitive about getting messages back quickly. And then 1 or 2 othere it was probably my fault coz i wasnt in the right frame of mind at the time to put the effort in.
