Casual sex and guilt

I personally think the same as you when it comes to casual sex, I only want to have sex with a boyfriend, and a long term one at that, I don;t think i'd jump in bed with a boy i've been going out with for a couple of weeks, one of my straight friends said to me once that she had casual sex once and she wasn't pleased with it, she said she found out why many call it making love, because it should be an activity only lovers share.

 

I know many people will say religion, but I don't think so. There are plenty of non-religious people who have personal/moral objections to casual sex too.

Casual sex, hook ups, or whatever you want to call it are not for me, but I make no judgement about people who do. I just prefer the special feeling of being in love and committed to one person and building a long term relationship. For me, it is a health issue though (it's about my emotional health). I don't think my mind could cope with having multiple sexual partners.

I live in a town with a fairly small LGBT community, where everyone seems to knows everyone else's business and everyone who is willing has slept with everyone else. I just couldn't stand that and all of the gossip that goes with it. My partner described it as "everyone p***ing in the same pond". I think he's right.

 

I feel that sex is probably the most intimate thing two people can participate in and it should just be between the two people in a committed relationship. Personally, casual sex to me seems pretty cold hearted, as though their is no feeling or emotion attached to it at all. However, I have nothing against people that choose this, but it really isn't for me.

 

I don't know, and I don't really care what others do, but if u want to analyze it then Samanta from Sex and the City is the example u want to investigate.
You don't like her? is she evil because she sleep with another man every episode?

 

its religion,

even if people are non religions like myself, we are still influenced by societies views on moral opinions, and society is still religious, sort of like how even atheists can be against homosexuality.

I dont think casual sex is a bad thing though, the idea of hooking up without the messy, tiring, and time consuming relationship is convenient.

whether I choose it is a whole different story

 

It's against nature not to engage in human nature. We spend enough time surprising ourselves . I don't understand how anyone could feel guilty about it. I'd feel guilty not doing it. That I wasn't spending my life doing what feels goos

 

I guess I'm on the other side of the argument than those above. I have casual sex quite often. To me I don't see anything wrong with it.
Looking at it from an evolutionary point of view casual sex makes sense. When it comes to reproduction women are the ones who have to bear children, as such they have to choose a mate carefully because having sex could lead to a nine month ordeal to produce a child. Men don't have this responsibility we can reproduce then walk away (from a reproduction standpoint). So through evolution men could spread their DNA around increasing the chances that their lines would survive. I may be gay but I still have the biological programming to have multiple partners.
The desire for a relationship is a product of natural selection. Somewhere along the evolutionary path females found it to be more beneficial to have a mate who would help them raise children. So they started selecting mates who would. Then their children did the same and so on. Eventually this became a social norm.

Fast forward to today and we have the programming to spread DNA along with social programming to pair up. To some the social programming is stronger and they see casual sex as bad. Then their are others like me that see sex as nothing more than a physical act.

That said I enjoy being in a relationship and caring for someone who cares about me, but if I'm not in a relationship why does that mean that I shouldn't have sex? Hell through hookups I have met several great guys. Even dated a few short term I just haven't found a good long term partner yet.

 

I'm kind of torn. I mean, casual sex is fun in my experience. However, it tends to get me into trouble. I won't deny that I miss being at liberty to have it, but it burns me eventually in one way or another.

Oh, come on, get your minds out of the gutter, people. I am proudly disease-free! :lol:

 

I think it's due to religion, but also the fact that a lot of people view sex as to be something very intimate and personal and do not feel it is appropriate to have it on a casual basis, as that takes away the beauty of it. Sex is viewed as a sign of trust and deep love for your significant other.

To be completely honest, I haven't had sex yet. I was once nearly raped and I can't get intimate without those memories flashing before my eyes and getting a full blown panic attack.
But, even if I haven't, I believe it is okay to have casual sex, as long as both partners (OBVIOUSLY) agree to it. Why not?
But then again, I also believe it to be okay to not have sex until a stable relationship has formed or even marriage. It is all okay to me and I do not wish to judge people for the choices they make on that point.

I am very much against so-called 'slut-shaming', as it makes no sense to me why females would be judged for their sexual relationships and men wouldn't.

 

People attach different meanings to sex. For example, some people can turn off the emotional aspect and engage in sex for recreational purposes. Some people cannot separate the emotional and recreational aspect. Is either one wrong? I don't pass judgement because I know it's highly dependent on the individual and context. Also, it's personal.

 

I've never attached any special meanings or connotations to sex - I don't associate the act with romance or love. It's just something that arises between two consenting people as the result of physical urges and hormones - or being horny, to put it in colloquial terms.

My attitude now is much the same as during high school - I wasn't bothered about my first time being with someone I really cared about. High school relationships are usually short-lived and non-serious affairs anyway, in my experience (although my experiences are definitely not reflective of other people's experiences), and I could never have imagined developing a meaningful romantic relationship with anyone back then.

Other people think differently, and that's fine. Whatever works for you.

 

I see it as bad but I don't know why I do maybe it's religion .
I wouldn't mind having casual sex but I would feel so bad afterwards . I've only done it once but maybe i might do casual sex again sometimes I just worry about getting stds . Another problem I have is I get attached to other women even after being intimate with them once so I avoid causal .

 

I think It's just societal views. I used to be outright against casual sex and looked down at people who did it, but I changed my mindset when I realized what they're doing is their choice and hurts nobody.

However, I'm still against casual sex for myself, and if someone can respect that, I'll respect their decisions too.

I think It's also a personality thing. Some people can naturally do it and others can't. Neither choice is wrong.

 

I don't really see casual sex as something bad. It is not something I do often since I do not actively look for it, but given the right situation (Both of us liking each other and willing to do so), I find it completely natural.

However to be honest It seems that everyone here is assuming that since it is casual you don't care at all about the other person and that doesn't have to be the case. You can also have sex with someone you don't really know and still be considerate and care about him (or her) enjoying it.

Sex with someone you love is way better since other elements come into play. But yeah, if you see sex as something really bonding, intimate and private; then casual sex is not for you. I think that while sex plays an important part in committed relationships there is more to it like sharing your feelings, having someone that understand and protect you (and the other way around)...etc. So that is why I do not see sex as something that necessarily has to be linked with a long term relationship.

Also regarding low self-steem.... well maybe having casual sex can be some weird way of dealing with that kind of issues, if we are talking about not being selective t all or going for "easy sex". However flirting also requires a healthy dose of confidence so I don't think it is always the case..

 

Casual sex is perfectly fine. No moral issues whatsoever. I think the guilt people sometimes feel is really left over from religious sexual oppression. The way I see it is really rather simple. Sex, when consensual, is no one's business but those involved. People do it for all sorts of reasons, and some people aren't interested in relationships, are in open relationships etc. What is wrong with two people (or more, I suppose) getting together and doing something they enjoy?

Of course, it isn't for some people. Also fine. Sex has different connotations for different people. For some, they're only comfortable with it in the context of a deep emotional bond.

 

Keep in mind that safe sex is a new invention. It's only within the past century that we've had reasonably effective methods of contraception and STD protection.

Most of the moral traditions that consider casual sex a bad thing originated long before safe sex was possible. The attitudes just haven't updated with the changing risks.

Same thing with eating pork for Jews and Muslims. The original reason why they weren't supposed to eat pork was because pig meat goes bad easily in the middle eastern climate, and pigs and humans share a lot of diseases, so pig meat could easily make you sick. Now we can prepare pig meat in a safe way, and it's no more risky than beef or chicken. But a lot of people still refuse to eat it because their religion said not to.

It used to be that getting sick was considered a sign that some higher power was punishing you. So when people noticed a correlation between some activity and sickness, they assumed the activity offended their higher power. Since then, a lot of people have forgotten where the idea that X activity is wrong actually came from, but they still remember that it's wrong and supposedly offends the higher power they believe in.

 

Yes. Good point.

Also keep in mind that "safe sex" is not 100% guaranteed. This is certainly a huge issue for me. I grew up during the early days of AIDS, and that certainly influenced me. I don't think I could be comfortable doing a hookup with a guy I just met in the bar, not even with the best condoms in the world.

Also there are other risks with hookups. Like ending up with a psychopath who tries to murder you.

I can't say I'd never have casual sex. But...I can say that where I am right now, if I did have casual sex, the person would need to be someone I actually knew.