In relationships, there can often be a dominant and submissive partner, a top or bottom... You get the idea! So anyway, my question is this. Do you experience this in your relationships and if so, (here's the main question) do you find this role differs depending on what gender your partner. For example are you more dominant if you are with a different sex partner and submissive with same sex or vice versa. Or do you change this role, not based on gender but other factors etc? Just curious if there are any common themes here... ::eusa_danc
Yes. I prefer being dominant with women, submissive with men. (This latter one can change if the man is suitably feminine.)
I think, at least in my case, it depends on how the person makes me feel, if I want to ''be hugged or to hug''. I dont relay on gender for this one cause not all girls are feminine and not all guys are masculine so... I could be really into topping a guy or getting all submissive for a girl. Depends a lot on the kind of person and the relationship we could have.
I'm a switch with both, and find traditional sexual roles to be rather limiting. Partner preference, mood, and personality play equally important parts in what's on the table, and based on experience, most people are willing to compromise, or at least make an effort to find some common ground.
My partner and I are extremely egalitarian...definitely neither a dominant nor submissive partner, although we can both enjoy playing at either role for fun. I have a hard time picturing quite this much of an equal footing with a man...maybe it's unfair of me, but I think that unless there's a kink involved where the guy wants to be specifically submissive, then men just view women as inferior and assume a dominant role (I'm not blaming men here; I blame our culture...which is admittedly largely male-influenced). I'm willing to be impressed by a truly egalitarian male, but I've not met him yet (um...at least one who isn't gay...I have met gay men like this...damn you attractive gay men!!).
Hmm, if anything it seems like gay relationships focus more on the dominant-submissive dynamics, but this could be just be because I have more experience observing those than with lesbian relationships. A lot of guys assume the larger partner must be the dominant one, for example, and completely overlooking smaller guys who might naturally be tops. And I've heard of plenty of women who admit to being "dominant" outside of the bedroom, but prefer to be submissive in bed, so there's probably some cultural pressure for a man to be dominant in that context, even if it's totally against their nature. There's a lot of stigma for a man to be submissive with women, and one straight guy even said, "I wouldn't be able to look my wife in the eyes," when asked if he would ever let himself be pegged. Pretty disappointing how something so small could threaten a person's manhood. I think a lot of it comes down to the idea that penetrative sex is the only valid form of sex, and the idea that being penetrated = women's role = inferior, with little to no room for exception, and this mentality unfortunately exists in both heterosexual and homosexual communities. The idea of a power bottom or a submissive top seem to be invisible when so many take such a black-and-white approach to sex.
I like to be either or, I havent had sex with a girl, so i have no idea how id be with one, but most guys i have been submissive. But the one im seeing now im more dominant with because he is more submissive. Although its my mood that initiates change
I'm just a lesbian here to check out what the bisexual girls will say don't mind me ladies just passing through
I haven't been in a relationship with girls yet, but from the way I flirt with girls alone I already know I'd be dominant, which is how I am with guys as well. I'd want someone who was at least slightly dominant too, though, whether it was a guy or a girl. They don't have to be entirely submissive.
On top regardless of who it is being on bottom wouldnt feel right. That being said I have only slept with a single person who I am no longer with. Now I do fantasize about being a princess swept off my feet by a strong tomboyish princess on a white polar bear dog.
I can be submissive, dominant or neither, and it strongly depends on the attitude of the other person. Usually, though, there is not a big difference between me and my boyfriend/girlfriend in this aspect. Sometimes they become more protective and dominant, sometimes I have that role... I need to be both. It doesn't necessarily link with femininity and masculinity. In my current relationship, my girlfriend is usually more masculine than me but she's petite and a bit younger, so I feel more "dominant".
Being a virgin here, I can only make educated guesses. I don't feel confident enough to bottom with a woman, but I guess I can be a submissive top, which seems contradictory, but looks really sexy in my head. A dominant bottom would be hot! With men, I don't know. I know I like manly men, but I also like moody, sensitive types, though that might be more frustrating in real life. I want to be dominated, but that doesn't mean I want to be submissive, if you get what I mean.
I try to keep things versatile with my boyfriend, but at the end of the day I get much more from bottoming than he does (I can finish from it, he can't). So the balance ends up being about 70/30. That's fine of course. And if it were the other way that'd be fine too. I've dated women and had no problems topping 100% of the time so... the specifics of sex really don't matter much to me anymore. I just enjoy whatever's there.
Labels are not particularly useful to me. I don't fault anyone for their preferences or clarity of their preferences. When things get to a physical stage, I do not have an end in mind. It's amazing to be open to an encounter and let things unfold in their own unique way. I know what I like and what I don't like and there are a variety of ways to communicate and guide your personal preferences. If my partner is acting accordingly, you find out quickly if you are compatible and are dialing in to a sufficient level of attraction. I seek to please as much as I seek pleasure for myself, so it's all great to me. Anticipating and being responsive requires constant attention that makes lovemaking less formulaic and reaches toward an intimate bond.
Even though I'm a lesbian, I considered myself bisexual at one point; and with both genders I ONLY considered myself a top (But maybe more of a 'follower' ...I wouldn't consider myself fully dominant). It's always sort of annoyed me how straight couples are too rigid with their roles :/ I'd be interested in seeing any bisexuals who consider themselves a female dominant/top with men or a male submissive/bottom with women.
