I like to think I'm a nice person. I'm polite and well mannered, I hold doors for people and display good manners. I'm kind and sensitive, cheerful and positive. I care about people and try and help where I can. I don't show my negative side as I'm not comfortable with that. This, however never seems to qualities people admire when looking for a partner. Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life alone? :tears:
No you're not doomed to be alone. Also, that's not true. People do want those qualities in a person. The problem is that most people with those traits are also the 'not so forward' types, and most of the time their interest tends to slip under the radar.
There seems to be some prevalent belief that being nice does/doesn't and should/shouldn't result in finding a good relationship. I would like to clarify that these two are not related. Being kind or chivalrous isn't a ticket to being accepted when you ask someone to date you or getting people to ask you out. I know very nice people who are in happy stable relationships and very nice people who hardly date at all. I know people who are total pricks that have been in a ton of relationships and pricks that are always riding solo. I have a cousin who is a complete asshole but he is married with kids. Being nice has absolutely nothing to do with scoring a relationship. It just means you're nice. And it is something you should be doing anyway. Either you are a nice person or you are not. It's not a way to get a date and frankly it doesn't mean you deserve someone you've set your sights on either. Just like if someone was nice to you, you don't owe them a relationship. Being nice is just that. It's nice. You know what does attract people? Confidence. Just for the record, confidence is very attractive. The right relationship will come into your life when the time is ripe. The worst way to find a good relationship is to actively seek one out. The best relationships play out naturally. Oh and just to clarify, when I say don't seek out a relationship, I don't mean that if you see someone you really like don't ask them out or something. I mean if you go day by day thinking about how you can find A relationship, you're probably going to end up in a not so healthy one. Statistically speaking.
You know what? I don't understand this either. Why do people tend to like guys who are dicks? I mean, sure, I've heard countless theories as to why, but I personally like nice guys.
Probably because they are confident. Confidence is what is attractive. Being nice does not make you attractive. At least not to most people. Nice is it's own category. Nice people can be attractive, mean people can be attractive. The two can overlap but they aren't related.
Probably because 'nice guys' are perceived as pushovers who lack assertiveness and confidence - many of whom do, because they think being assertive equates to being rude or mean, and usually put the interests of other ahead of their own - all the time. Niceness and assertiveness/confidence are not mutually exclusive, and putting yourself first occasionally isn't selfish. As the above poster has mentioned already, if you carry yourself in a confident manner, you will appear attractive, whether you're nice or extremely unpleasant.
Being nice isn't an automatic ticket to a relationship, and niceness is generally an expected minimum. Although I want to be supportive, you've left out a lot of things about your personality or behaviour that could easily be why you're not getting anywhere; claiming that you're a nice guy doesn't do much in proving that you're suitable to date. You're not doomed to be alone, but you actually have to assert interest; nobody is going to think that you want to date them just because you're being nice, so you have to make it very clear. It's not that you're destined to finish last. It might be that you've just not put yourself into the race in the first place.
Yeah I know what you mean. I was talking to a girl not too long ago, and we were having a good convo and stuff. I found out that she used to be a partyer, but then got bored of that scene within a year lol. But, what bugged me is that when she found out that I didn't drink at all, she said "oh you're a good kid." Uh, what? She's one year older than me and I just got kid zoned, like wtf. Anyways, jerks might get more people because their confident and the relationship might be sex based anyway, so nice people I think have the better, lasting relationships. Don't date jerks!
Being nice doesn't mean you'll be rewarded with a relationship. Plus, there is this stigma around "Nice Guys," meaning guys who say they're nice but turn into jerks when they're not rewarded with a relationship. They say things like "girls only go with the jerks and leave nice guys like me alone!" Has to do with the myth of the "friendzone" and whatnot. Usually applies to heterosexual relationships but I guess it can apply to any relationship. Definitely not saying you're one of those kinds of people, but just letting you know that just being "nice" isn't everything. Plus, being nice should be a natural thing that you do with everyone, regardless if the niceness is returned or not.
Huh, I tend to see people as a mixture of traits, both nice and mean. Even the nicest of people have their dark sides. I'm typically very 'nice', though when I do have a meltdown...stand back! I think maybe the issue here may lay in being more assertive and outgoing. Or perhaps some of the trouble might be the social situations/places you're looking for relationships in. It's always a tricky business, but it always tends to help to keep expanding your social circles, and meet more and different sorts of people. Sometimes, I think it's kind of an odds game...eventually, you tend to meet somebody, and often in places you might least suspect. Good luck, here, and I'm happy to see somebody who is kind and sensitive...these qualities are lacking or muted in many people, so I'd feel proud!
