Can't remember if this sort of thing has been asked but figured I'd bring it up because of a situation earlier. Okay so I was just visiting a relative's and, while waiting for my cousin to get home, my aunt was watching soaps. Anyways, these two gay guys who were apparently planning for their wedding had shown up again and, along with her usual disgust and remarks, it got her interest to ask me 'Would you be able to play a gay person on TV?'. I of course pretty much said nah and said maybe if the money was good but I didn't know..ya di da; everything but yes really. She then goes on about how there's no way in hell she would do it, no matter the money, and she lists reasons like how people would think she really is, etc. What I mean is, I was calm and stuff on the outside and just responded back how I usually do but the question kinda caught me off guard so on the inside my nerves hit me like a ton of bricks. When something like this happens to those of you still closeted, does it kind of get you, in a discomforting/nervous sort of way?
Your aunt is telling you she doesn't like you without realizing it. Can you talk to your cousin about it?
Well it doesn't happen often I suppose to me, but when it does I do feel really nervous. I do think my mom is suspicious some times, every once in a blue moon she will ask: "So do you like women." I am Bi so I always say yes, but then I think to myself: "She never asks if I like men so I am not lying, it's a half truth." If some thing LGBT related is on TV, I have to quietly listen to my parents make comments about it like, "I don't understand why two women/men would want to be together."
Talk about what? If you mean the question, then she asked her as well just to see how others' responses would be(along with my brother when he stopped by for a min shortly after). If you mean...you know, then no. It was more or less a pretty damn awkward moment though(to me at least since I held back any feeling I had) since, like I mentioned, the question caught me offguard... It doesn't happen to me often either, which is why it tripped me up in my mind for a second. Yeah, whenever I'm around relatives and we're watching some show, commercial, news or whatever, even something that has a character that may seem to behave like a stereotypical gay(even if they aren't), they can't help but make comments. I tend to ignore most of it, even though it usually is pretty annoying, but I'll occasionally make a remark that just passes as being indifferent to it all(ex: someone would show disgust at a couple and I'd be like 'eh, whatever floats their boat' and go about my business). It just made me feel really weird on the inside considering the irony of the situation this time(that she was unaware of).
My Mom and her friends watch that soap and those 2 got married this week. They were talking today and I heard my Mom say that they made a cute couple. But she wants Grandchildren. Hope my brother has some for her!
^ Pfft...as if, ha, but that's pretty funny how you know which one I'm talking about. Anybody else get back together in some mushy moment and it's one of those 'aww' moments but those two can simply just talk about their wedding for three seconds and she's all like "ew".
Honestly, doesn't bother me so much when other people do it. But since becoming more and more accepting of my queerness after joining EC, I don't know if I can bear hearing my family say any of those remarks. It's the reason I've been avoiding them for months. Now I see them again tomorrow, ugh.
It happens often enough, and it gets to me every time. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse that there aren't many trans people depicted in the media. I can only imagine how much that would get to me if anyone made remarks about them...
Yes and it feels like hell each time, not only because you're being discriminated against in your face but also because I'm not the most straight-acting guy out there and I sometimes take it as their effort to like tell me off or force me to come out or something (I know sometimes it's not like this but still it feels awful). And once my teacher made a simple joke (he said that I loved him) and I blushed in front of the whole class and omg I didn't go to his class for a week.
I can't stand it when that happens and it makes me feel like I'm pushed into a corner every time. In my eyes, it feels like I am being personally attacked, despite those around me having no idea. The worst part about it is that I'm not likely to come out to my family anytime soon.
My story is a little different, but it was still pretty awkward: This group was doing a presentation on a book we had to read for my political psychology class, and the topic of speed dating came up in the presentation. As the group was presenting, my professor (who's a pretty big smart ass) stopped them, and said: "Mike [my last name], I gotta know; what do you like in a girl?" and everyone turned to look at me. Slightly uncomfortable situation. :lol:
Yeah, it's irksome enough seeing others act that way in general but is amplified when it is being done by someone you consider (really) close, aka family in our cases. :\ It definitely gets to you. Can't imagine what it'd be like for someone who is trans, since it is misunderstood even more. Mhm. Even if you know they're completely oblivious, the situation puts a surprising amount of pressure on you and ends up clogging your mind with thoughts you're trying to avoid to begin with. :dry: Sorry to hear something like that happened to you; that had to have been pretty embarrassing. :l Especially when it seems to pop up when you least expect it to because you can't be sure how you'll react to different things and worry that you might give the impression you're really hoping not to. I feel you as well in that I don't see myself letting my family in on it for some time. I think slightly is an understatement there, haha. I hate being put in the spotlight like that in general, so that particular type of question on top of that(and in front of everyone) would really kick in the nerves. o.o Probably would freak out on the inside. It's awkward enough when you're only around one person who asks.
I would use to make fun or insult other gay people when my parents brought up homophobic topics but I felt so ashamed and like a hypocrite when i did it , I didn't want my parents to know I liked girls so I did as much as I can to appear straight . Now I don't say insulting things or join in sometimes I just sit and listen to them but I feel really hurt about what they think of people like me it's sad that i have to stay silent and not defend but I'm glad I'm not joining into their mean homophobic remarks .
I haven't really had anything like this happen and oddly enough have never heard anything against or for matters in the past several years that I can recall. I'm naturally awkward so I have a lot of awkward moments with everything so it wouldn't really be any more awkward than anything else.
For a while I was entertaining the idea of coming out to my sister, since I like her more than I like anyone else in my family - but then she started watching Nip/Tuck, which has a (hateful mockery of a) trans woman character, and she told me she thought that was awful and disturbing, and that the very idea of such a person makes her nauseous. I was disappointed, I had hoped my sister was better than that, but it's normal for my family. I'm used to hearing them say ignorant/bigoted shit like that. I wish I could push back and argue with them about stuff like this, but I'm stuck living with them for now, and I really don't want them to know what I'm really like.
I kinda observed this at work yesterday.. one girl was "accusing" (in a playful way) another girl of looking at her "like that". My gay-friendly boss overheard and said something like "do you two need a room?" IF someone said something to me about that I would remain silent or look at them and say something like "why would I care what two consenting adults do with each other? they arent hurting anyone..." Comes off as a bit defensive, but yeahh I would be feeling defensive.
I used to feel so uncomfortable when anyone said anything - especially if it was family. If it was any other minority group they were on about I was always quick to say it wasn't acceptable. But when it was something about gay characters on tv or people who had just moved near them, anything like that, I found it much harder. Even before I came out to myself. Now that I've started coming out I do feel more confident on challenging homophobic comments around most people. It's just my family I still really struggle with. Even if they're just taking about someone who's gay I'll sit there hoping it doesn't come up so I don't feel like I need to say something. My awkward silence is probably far more likely to out me than if I did speak up. At work now, where I'm out I a few people, I'll challenge the couple of colleagues who do say stuff. It's almost like I somehow want them to realise.
This is why I try to avoid such topics altogether when I can. Instead of just saying what's on their mind about it, they feel the need to get everyone else to join in and I'd rather not. Yeah, as I mentioned, I'll occasionally just make a neutral remark like you did there, so it's in an indifferent 'their business' type tone. Even if it seems like an 'idgaf', you do feel defensive inside, so I agree there.
Yeah, those kind of situations are not easy to deal with. I was in a car with my BF the other day and I don't know how the conversation had started but I told him that I had a dream about having sex with a girl and explained in detail what I remembered. He said he could understand that oral can feel nice because a woman probably knows how to perform it better than a man but that he can't quite understand using those fake stuff because they are nothing like a penis. :eusa_doh: It was probably a rare chance to speak about it further and maybe even tell him that's exactly what I want but I felt hurt by what he said and really didn't know how to answer so I said nothing. :icon_sad:
